Victim mentality

[Leah]

I have already fully explained everything, Lighter

God Bless You both, Lighter and Carolyn.

Love,

Leah

[Certain Hope]

Thanks, Lighter.

I do have something else to say, re: this -

Please, know Carolyn that I have forgiven you, and I do again, forgive you now,

for all the hurt and pain I endured when you ceased to love me as your "sister" in Christ

and I sat in silence.   I trusted you with my real name.

And all because I dared to question regarding the book.

Although I see little actual historical fact in this statement,
I can feel the pain.

Years ago, when my eldest daughter repeatedly violated our household rules, I told her once and for all that if she was going to remain within our household, she would be required to adhere to those basic rules of truth and respect.
She chose to move out.
Immediately, she began telling all of her friends that her mom had thrown her out.
No doubt she was hurting... but not because of anything I had done.
It was her own choice to violate my boundaries which created her hurt.

Leah, I don't know how to acknowledge your pain and still remain in reality, but I'd like to try.

I'm sorry that you have suffered such hurt and pain.
Yes, Leah, you trusted me with your real name.
I have not abused that trust.
I would never share your real name with anyone.
Carolyn is my real name, by the way.

I have no idea what you mean by saying that you

"dared to question regarding the book",

I don't recall any book.
What I recall is your badgering me, simply because I'd backed away from communication with you on this board.
Apparently, you did not think that I should have that option.
I now see that you interpreted my backing away as

"you ceased to love me as your "sister" in Christ"

,
but drawing boundaries is not a cessation of love, Leah.
I'm sorry that people have left you in the past, but I am not they... and I won't allow you to punish me in their place.
As just another wounded person on a recovery message board, I will not accept that role in your life.

Carolyn

[Leah]

Thanks, Lighter.

I do have something else to say, re: this -

Please, know Carolyn that I have forgiven you, and I do again, forgive you now,

for all the hurt and pain I endured when you ceased to love me as your "sister" in Christ

and I sat in silence.   I trusted you with my real name.

And all because I dared to question regarding the book.

Although I see little actual historical fact in this statement,
I can feel the pain.

Years ago, when my eldest daughter repeatedly violated our household rules, I told her once and for all that if she was going to remain within our household, she would be required to adhere to those basic rules of truth and respect.
She chose to move out.
Immediately, she began telling all of her friends that her mom had thrown her out.
No doubt she was hurting... but not because of anything I had done.
It was her own choice to violate my boundaries which created her hurt.

Leah, I don't know how to acknowledge your pain and still remain in reality, but I'd like to try.

I'm sorry that you have suffered such hurt and pain.
Yes, Leah, you trusted me with your real name.
I have not abused that trust.
I would never share your real name with anyone.
Carolyn is my real name, by the way.

I have no idea what you mean by saying that you

"dared to question regarding the book",

I don't recall any book.
What I recall is your badgering me, simply because I'd backed away from communication with you on this board.
Apparently, you did not think that I should have that option.
I now see that you interpreted my backing away as

"you ceased to love me as your "sister" in Christ"

,
but drawing boundaries is not a cessation of love, Leah.
I'm sorry that people have left you in the past, but I am not they... and I won't allow you to punish me in their place.
As just another wounded person on a recovery message board, I will not accept that role in your life.

Carolyn

No, Carolyn

You have perceived wrongly.

The Book came first - that was when in PM land you sent me a censureship PM and then denied my question regarding your censureship of the book I had posted onto the board.

Your behavior thereafter was hurtful, as you immediately ceased with your expression of "sister in Christ" and friendship.   Truly, at the time I was stunned, and hurt.

But, soon after, I prayed and offered the situation up to God, for I can do nothing, as is my belief in serenity.

then

I made a comment in response to your post,  on my hyper-competitiveness thread - to which you took offence.

then

if I posted about my FOO on one of your threads e.g. "defensiveness" - your took offence.

I never badgered you on the board.

I detached.

I stopped posting on your threads.


That is the truth.

I just sat back and took it in silence.

Please don't hurl at me that people have left me in the past ....... that is most uncalled for and quite unnecessary.   I would never hurl a statement such as that at you, or anyone.

EDIT in:  Actually, that is not true, I LEFT my husband, he did not leave me.


Love,

Leah


PS.   Lighter, please respect my personal post to Carolyn and kindly refrain from interjection, thanking you with gratitude.

[Certain Hope]

No, Carolyn

The Book came first - that was when in PM land you denied my question regarding your censureship of the book I had posted onto the board.

Leah,

Maybe "the book" came first for you, but only you would know that.

I never gave anything about a book another thought... and I don't recall anything about the denial of a question in pm.

What I recall is that you posted a link here on the board and I pm'd you to say that I wasn't sure about that website's accuracy.
If there was a book involved, I've forgotten.

Have you been thinking, all this time, that I stopped talking with you because you posted something I considered inappropriate?  Is that it?

Carolyn

[Leah]

No, Carolyn

The Book came first - that was when in PM land you denied my question regarding your censureship of the book I had posted onto the board.

Leah,

Maybe "the book" came first for you, but only you would know that.

I never gave anything about a book another thought... and I don't recall anything about the denial of a question in pm.

What I recall is that you posted a link here on the board and I pm'd you to say that I wasn't sure about that website's accuracy.
If there was a book involved, I've forgotten.

Have you been thinking, all this time, that I stopped talking with you because you posted something I considered inappropriate?  Is that it?

Carolyn

Carolyn,

I am a genuine believer, and a genuine person, and so I have been greatly worried that I am in error with a fellow believer, as I have a genuine love of God - for my salvation.

I can post the PM if you so wish, but that isn't something that I would be comfortable with, as PM's are private and confidential, in my view.

But, if it must be done to clear my muddied character and cease that of which I have had to sit with for months now, in silence, then I will reluctantly do that, but, with your permission only.

I posted a book, you PM'd me to say that the book was an inappropriate Christian book title and I ought to delete the post.

Then shortly afterward, I sent to you a PM with the thread link on the board (posted at a time when I was not on board posting)  wherein I had found the book, with your positive posting regarding the book.

And so in my PM to you I questioned.

I can only think that you took offence, because I never to this day received a reply.

Then because I was concerned that my questioning PM had upset you, I wrote a PM and tried to send it to you, but, I was "blocked" 

I never tried to post a PM to you again.

And from then onward your attitude to me completely changed.

And your "sister in Christ" postings on the board ceased.

Question:  what exactly was I supposed to think?


Love, Leah

[Certain Hope]

Leah, I would very much like to see these pm's you cite:

I posted a book, you PM'd me to say that the book was an inappropriate Christian book title and I ought to delete the post.

Then shortly afterward, I sent to you a PM with the thread link on the board (posted at a time when I was not on board posting)  wherein I had found the book, with your positive posting regarding the book.

And so in my PM to you I questioned.

Thank you.

Carolyn

[Leah]

Leah, I would very much like to see these pm's you cite:

I posted a book, you PM'd me to say that the book was an inappropriate Christian book title and I ought to delete the post.

Then shortly afterward, I sent to you a PM with the thread link on the board (posted at a time when I was not on board posting)  wherein I had found the book, with your positive posting regarding the book.

And so in my PM to you I questioned.

Thank you.

Carolyn

Carolyn,

As you wish, please bear in mind that I have to trawl back through a few months of postings and it won't be instantaneous.

Love,

Leah


PS.   By the way, I am not "citing" anything, this is not a court of law.

[Certain Hope]

Leah, I would very much like to see these pm's you cite:

I posted a book, you PM'd me to say that the book was an inappropriate Christian book title and I ought to delete the post.

Then shortly afterward, I sent to you a PM with the thread link on the board (posted at a time when I was not on board posting)  wherein I had found the book, with your positive posting regarding the book.

And so in my PM to you I questioned.

Thank you.

Carolyn

Carolyn,

As you wish, please bear in mind that I have to trawl back through a few months of postings and it won't be instantaneous.

Love,

Leah

I'll wait, Leah.

Thank you.

Carolyn

[lighter]

::sigh::  I'm thinking that you guys, if you keep posting your feelings and observations without assigning motive.... will figure this out, even if you agree to disagree?

Not sure but..... it's different when an N or sociopath or predator of any type.... is in question, IMO.

Or is it?

::very confused and a little fuzzy by now:;

It's any behavior that muddies one's character... right?

Implies impure motives?

Stating someone lied, stole, injured another is a statement that is a judgement, in it's simplest form. 

Just writing it includes implication of motive.

Of a sullied character.

Of ill will.

Even if we don't assign blame.

::going in circles again::


Lighter

[Leah]

Lighter,

I did ask you, with a personal boundary,

PS.   Lighter, please respect my personal post to Carolyn and kindly refrain from interjection, thanking you with gratitude.

Why have you chose to ignore my personal boundary, request?

And

Why are you extracting one word from my post

and

Gaslighting me?


Gaslighting muddies a persons character, do you actually realize that? 

Gaslighting in effect depersonalizes and invalidates a persons reality of experience and being.


I am wading my way back through my PMs at this moment for Carolyn, as she has requested.


Love,

Leah.

[lighter]

Lighter,

I did ask you, with a personal boundary,

PS.   Lighter, please respect my personal post to Carolyn and kindly refrain from interjection, thanking you with gratitude.

Why have you chose to ignore my personal boundary, request?

And

Why are you extracting one word from my post

and

Gaslighting me?


Gaslighting muddies a persons character, do you actually realize that? 

Gaslighting in effect depersonalizes and invalidates a person reality of experience and being.


I am working on finding the PMs at this moment for Carolyn as she has requested.

Love, Leah.

 I haven't read anywhere that you asked me to butt out of my own thread, lol.

Sorry.....  but youre making an assumption without asking for clarification, aren't you?

Not a judgment, but an observation.

::looking to see if Leah just asked me to butt out of my own thread::

 

Lighter

[Leah]

Lighter,

I'm thinking that you guys, if you keep posting your feelings and observations without assigning motive


SINGULAR if you please


because the truth is that Carolyn took up issue with me, some hours ago.


All I was doing was minding my own business and posting information regarding RE-VICTIMIZING THE VICTIM etc.


Thank you.

Love, Leah

[lighter]

Found it, lol.

Sorry.... I don't always read every word of every post.... esp when I have my own agenda.

Now..... you may wish to consider taking your issue somewhere else if you're going to take over my thread and forbid me from posting: )

Lighter

[Leah]

Lighter,

No

I only asked you to refrain from interjecting between Carolyn's post to myself.


You are FREE to post on YOUR THREAD.


Love, Leah

[lighter]

Leah... you and I have had this problem communicating before.

I haven't assigned motive or judged either of you... and I'm not going to.

Lighter