I Felt the Fear again today~~ though different

[Izzy_*now*]

hi
On Monday I was putting the chair in my car and managed to have the seat belt wound around one wheel. Not being a contortionist, I asked a passing gentleman for assistance. (I saw no one else in the strip mall.) He thought I was coming, not going and we had a laugh, while he untangled me.

Today I went to the Library, just two blocks away, and when I reached the ramp, two guys (25-30) were there. I asked them if they were in a hurry or what, as I would appreciate a push up the ramp. I said, as we went up, that the older I became the steeper the ramps appeared. They were very nice.

As I continued on to a mailbox, after the Library, I sensed someone behind me. I look over my shoulder now and again, but not in fear. There were 3 girls dressed and painted in such a way that I wondered why they walked so slowly behind me and didn't pass me. (I carry books, purchases, etc. on the back handles--something I just started in comparison to being younger and afraid someone would steal from me.) I suddenly felt fear, and that one day I might approach the wrong person. I never go out at night, alone, only daytime, but....
I became so involved with that thought and why that I went right past my building.

I would really hate to be attacked or robbed out of my so called 'independence'.

Just announcing a funny chest and a feeling!
Izzy

[lighter]

It's not funny, Izzy.

It's a very seriouse part of staying safe in your world.

Listen to the voice inside you.

Don't doubt yourself when you have a certain feeling about someone.

Little girls are trained to deny their feelings.... and that doesn't help us trust our inner voices.

Maybe you could strike up some helpful friendships with people at the places you frequent?

Have them help by letting them know you're coming, and they can pop out and be available?

You're smart and proactive.....

and worthy of letting others help you out.

Good people get a warm feeling when they help others.

Don't deny them that chance.... bc you're uncomfortable asking and receiving.  (If you are, not sure)

I understand that too... just have to realize there's a season for everything.

Like in the book, Tuesdays with Mori.

I know I took the long way round on that... hope you don't get irritated wid me: )

Lighter

[changing]

Sweetheart Izzy-

Horrible- such a courageous lady and personable and deeply friendly soul- it is so terrible!!! I was once in a store and two ladies appoached and asked for help- when I was speaking to one, the other put her hand on my purse, and I grabbed on TIGHTLY.

That sort of day shakes me up for a good while. Please do be careful- there is only one of you! Please relax and rid yourself of the bad vibes...Do you have a friend with a mean backhand that you can shop with?

Love,

Chnaging

[teartracks]

Iz,

It's a bad feeling I know.

I am not in your situation, but a few years ago someone said that it was a better idea to carry a can of hornet or wasp spray in your car than pepper spray or in addition to pepper spray.  The reason is that the hornet spray is designed to spray a long distance, maybe 10 - 15 feet.  Don't know if this tip has value in your situation. 

I despise it when I feel helpless and afraid. 

tt

[Izzy_*now*]

thanks tt

good Idea!

strange though. I felt fear but not helplessness.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm I must have something up my sleeve that I haven't recognized yet!

Izzy

[Izzy_*now*]

oh lighter and changing,

I missed. I couldnt get back on board for a bit.

I can very quickly flip my footrest off and use it as a weapon. I think the angle would be right in the gonads.

My mother, in a 'chair too, used to put her purse handle around her neck and it drove me buggy, as someone could grab it, break the handle and maybe break her neck.

I am after a little "bungee cord type thing" to hook my purse to my 'chair, because now I just place it between my knees as it helps my balance. Done this a long time!

Yep, as I said (to that handsome fellow today), things become steeper/more complicated with age, as I am more vulnerable.

I need to make a list.
xx
Izzy

[Certain Hope]

This is just me, but I don't like feeling vulnerable... which, I think, is a bit different from helpless.

Being placed in a vulnerable position can have after-shocks with me and be unsettling.


Oh, and I really like tt's suggestion re: wasp spray!  Had to use some of that stuff today (twice!) and it really does shoot out a ways!
Could sure come in handy 

Carolyn