I wanted to start another thread for Kathy which I simply see as an extention of Carolyn's thread in memory of.... Her work was a huge help to me this past year.
If OK, I want to link the articles that have really helped me over the many many months that I struggled to put together the pieces of my shattered story:
Denying Any
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There is but one possible reason for withholding affection, comfort, or regard. And it's malignant.
I have seen every narcissist I knew do it. In fact, the impression I got is that it's a knee-jerk reflex in narcissists to do it. When there is nothing to be gained by putting on a big show in which they play the part of someone's heroic rescuer, you can count on narcissists missing no opportunity to kick a person when they're down. They do it by acting out the most callous and outrageous disregard for that person in a time of time of need.
I think they really get off on it. I think that morally trampling someone like this makes narcissists feel like they're goose-stepping the mountaintops. Because it puts you here with respect to them . . .
And they aren't least likely to do it to those near and dear: they're most likely to do it to those near and dear. In a family, they target the most sensitive child to take the brunt of their abuse. Think what that means.
In general, they target those with every good reason to expect love and compassion from them, those close to them in daily life (especially if that person is someone who has been a friend in need). The narcissist will actually spurn such person with an extravagant display of haughty contempt.
In short, they're predators simply targeting the easiest and most vulnerable (deeply woundable) prey.
Narcissists treat people like dirt on the premise that treating others like dirt makes you God Almighty. That's the way a three-year-old thinks. The message is, "Get away from me, you scum. You are beneath my notice."
And when I said that narcissists do this for maximum impact, I meant exactly that. They obviously get so high on the pain they cause that they take pains to be as abusive as possible about it — forcing that child or woman to their knees and rubbing their face in filth or telling that person that for all the narcissist cares they can just go kill themselves or take a dive into the bottom of a bottle.
Now who would believe that? Who would believe that people who pass for as normal as you or I, people who go to church, coach Little League, give to charity, volunteer, and are viewed as pillars of their community — who would believe that this is how they behave to their loved ones in a time of need behind closed doors? It's the perfect crime — the one nobody would believe.
