Author Topic: In Honor of Kathy Krajco (part 2 from Carolyn's Thread)  (Read 1178 times)

Gabben

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In Honor of Kathy Krajco (part 2 from Carolyn's Thread)
« on: June 11, 2008, 02:34:15 PM »
I wanted to start another thread for Kathy which I simply see as an extention of Carolyn's thread in memory of.... Her work was a huge help to me this past year.


If OK, I want to link the articles that have really helped me over the many many months that I struggled to put together the pieces of my shattered story:

 

Denying Any
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There is but one possible reason for withholding affection, comfort, or regard. And it's malignant.

I have seen every narcissist I knew do it. In fact, the impression I got is that it's a knee-jerk reflex in narcissists to do it. When there is nothing to be gained by putting on a big show in which they play the part of someone's heroic rescuer, you can count on narcissists missing no opportunity to kick a person when they're down. They do it by acting out the most callous and outrageous disregard for that person in a time of time of need.

I think they really get off on it. I think that morally trampling someone like this makes narcissists feel like they're goose-stepping the mountaintops. Because it puts you here with respect to them . . .



And they aren't least likely to do it to those near and dear: they're most likely to do it to those near and dear. In a family, they target the most sensitive child to take the brunt of their abuse. Think what that means.

In general, they target those with every good reason to expect love and compassion from them, those close to them in daily life (especially if that person is someone who has been a friend in need). The narcissist will actually spurn such person with an extravagant display of haughty contempt.

In short, they're predators simply targeting the easiest and most vulnerable (deeply woundable) prey.

Narcissists treat people like dirt on the premise that treating others like dirt makes you God Almighty. That's the way a three-year-old thinks. The message is, "Get away from me, you scum. You are beneath my notice."

And when I said that narcissists do this for maximum impact, I meant exactly that. They obviously get so high on the pain they cause that they take pains to be as abusive as possible about it — forcing that child or woman to their knees and rubbing their face in filth or telling that person that for all the narcissist cares they can just go kill themselves or take a dive into the bottom of a bottle.

Now who would believe that? Who would believe that people who pass for as normal as you or I, people who go to church, coach Little League, give to charity, volunteer, and are viewed as pillars of their community — who would believe that this is how they behave to their loved ones in a time of need behind closed doors? It's the perfect crime — the one nobody would believe.
« Last Edit: June 11, 2008, 02:50:46 PM by Gabben »

Certain Hope

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Re: In Honor of Kathy Krajco (part 2 from Carolyn's Thread)
« Reply #1 on: June 11, 2008, 05:27:28 PM »
Don't think I had ever read this one, Lise.

Although I didn't grow up with this level of N-abuse, it describes my ex-husband, exactly.
Within my childhood home, you just weren't allowed to need any emotional sustenance...
but at least it wasn't a constant torment.

I'm so sorry that you've had a life story of such mistreatment.

Just want you to know that I think you're amazing and I'm so thankful that you've endured.

Love,
Carolyn

Gabben

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Re: In Honor of Kathy Krajco (part 2 from Carolyn's Thread)
« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2008, 05:33:57 PM »
Don't think I had ever read this one, Lise.

Although I didn't grow up with this level of N-abuse, it describes my ex-husband, exactly.
Within my childhood home, you just weren't allowed to need any emotional sustenance...
but at least it wasn't a constant torment.

I'm so sorry that you've had a life story of such mistreatment.

Just want you to know that I think you're amazing and I'm so thankful that you've endured.

Love,
Carolyn

Dear Carolyn,

Thank you.

The drama with Nsaint has helped to heal some very deep and elusive wounds. Some of those wounds are the wounds of shame around my basic needs to be loved and the loss of true self.

If I can keep my focus on the bigger picture to see that what Nsaint gave me was a blessings...she many have taken much worldly things from me but the spiritual healing and graces I found in reaching for Christ are all worth it.

It seems that everytime I read Kathy's stuff I find some new info. Not chewing to much on this stuff is the key, but I do enjoy her writing...she was not a Christ believer....just interested in your thoughts on that.

Lise

Certain Hope

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Re: In Honor of Kathy Krajco (part 2 from Carolyn's Thread)
« Reply #3 on: June 11, 2008, 05:41:31 PM »

Dear Carolyn,

Thank you.

The drama with Nsaint has helped to heal some very deep and elusive wounds. Some of those wounds are the wounds of shame around my basic needs to be loved and the loss of true self.

If I can keep my focus on the bigger picture to see that what Nsaint gave me was a blessings...she many have taken much worldly things from me but the spiritual healing and graces I found in reaching for Christ are all worth it.

Dear Lise,

On a much smaller scale, it's been this way for me, too. When I look back at my kids' dad and those lessons, and then the NPD-ex fiasco...
well, if it hadn't been for all that, I wouldn't have come to the end of myself, I don't think.
It can feel so difficult to maintain that bigger-picture focus, I know. Anger and bitterness are just like a bog... a quicksand... but just don't ever stop reaching for that extended hand - that's what I try to remind myself.



Quote
It seems that everytime I read Kathy's stuff I find some new info. Not chewing to much on this stuff is the key, but I do enjoy her writing...she was not a Christ believer....just interested in your thoughts on that.
Lise

Me, too. And I'm trying to just take a bit at a time today, in between other stuff, but last night I dove in head first... as though it all may become unavailable soon. Trying to treasure it up?  I don't know, but I'm simmering down some now.  Maybe it was some sort of abandonment thing,  just knowing she's gone. And I'm sorry to hear that she wasn't a Christ believer.
I could never tell for sure from reading... although she mentioned God and quoted the Bible regularly, I thought.  All I can say is - we don't know what happened before she took her last breath. I trust God to reach out to everyone with every effort and not to give up on them or withhold His grace.

Love to you,
Carolyn