Dear Seasons,
Yes, I agree the information in those posts on the left has been very helpful as well for me. It is not so much the info as much as what the main poster, who I see as being Leah, is trying to say or where she is coming from.....for me it has felt covertly aggressive and when I try to stand up for myself....I get pathologized as the aggressor.
The point I am making is that the board is not always safe for me because I am a person who is capable of genuine introspection, staring at the ugly parts of my own self which include, self-hatred N-traits of anger and selfishness.
When someone like me is here trying to grow, understand and heal, it makes it hard when the posts on the left are always being brought up just when I go to bare my soul or admit something...being real so to speak and then a poster, Leah, will come instantly right behind me and others as I have noticed, trying to smear herself off with these thread topics....it is as if all that is genuine and true about myself, that I know to be, is being erased, or that I am being picked on, covertly. Perhaps my goodness is too much in that it raises the awareness of the moral turpitude so my goodness has to be erased in order for them to keep her equilibrium?
For me, having been raised in a home with a N mom who defined me...it is painful as I am trying to heal and define myself...not by the worlds eyes....but by staring myself directly and admitting my own envy, self-contempt, anger, hatred...etc....that does not mean that I am an N, or a bully or a cruel person....on the contrary it shows my goodness, my ability to face myself at all costs to be real and to really grow. Being here on this board with someone like Leah who wants everyone and myself to think and know that I am some kind of bully is painful when I am trying to overcome being defined...I know who I am. I am not a mean person, just truthful. It is not to hurt, but to defend....
Also, we suffer from our negative stuff in measure...it is not all black and white.
Hope that clarifies.
Lise