Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?

Outing the Narcissistic/Emotionally incesting Parent

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JanetLG:
Enough,

I wish it was the way that once things had been 'outed' to a family, that everyone involved would rally round and try to make things less painful for the person who has blown the whistle. But it's not like that. What happened to you (the actual abuser - your F - doesn't reply at all, and the others take weeks to respond) is just so typical. In a NORMAL family, that wouldn't happen, but that's not what you are dealing with, and neither was I. In dysfunctional families, what is 'normal' is the same pattern of abuse that's been happening for years, so the 'bystanders' (your mother and brother) probably have a  lot invested in things staying the same - after all, if you stopped getting abused, then perhaps the focus would shift onto THEM?! :shock:

I'm glad that the respite of a month gave you time to start feeling like an adult. That's not a sarcastic thing to say, although reading it back over, it does sound like that! What I mean is, it's given you time to see clearer what needs to change, and if they won't change, then you can make the changes yourself. No Contact is hard at first, but becomes much easier with time, as you see how much better you feel once you are out of the sphere of influence of toxic people. Whether they're your parents or not should be irrelevant (but it does confuse the issue) - you still need to protect yourself from dangerous people, whoever they are.


Janet

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