Finger Pointing... The Blame Game

[Gabben]

Over time here on the board I have noticed that a majority of thread topics, which are put forth in the following list, are a possible form of finger pointing (possible blame game in never wanting to look at ones own self) and distraction:

There is very little deep healing dialogue on these threads with the exception of a few newbies and a few others that come on with some posts. But, the main poster(s) thread starters seem to be in finger pointing modes. As if to always say look at them, look at those "bad" people....look at the N's...it is a real way of distracting, inner snobbery, smoke screens, and mirrors from exposing the real person behind the posts etc. As if to say.... "Look at them, not me."

From time to time I have posted a topic about projection or manipulation but most of the time when I post I make reference to my own behavior as well and what the topic means to me so that it does not just come out of no where as if to point fingers.

                                                             


The Topics                                                Example of My topics                                                  

                                                                Why is it so hard to move on...
Relational Aggression                                   Learning that the N's in m life cannot define                                                
Narcissism                                                 article: Shame is The Shaper of Symptoms of The Disowned Part of Self 
Envy....The Root                                         Why when people tell us to be gentle to ourselves does it evoke shame?
Authenticity                                                Letting go of hatred and anger........finally!
Gaslighting                                                  Diagnosis -- not crazy!
Shame Dumping                                          Phone call with N mom has me in tears
What is Borderline Personality Disorder?          Hurting and shame -- N saint strikes again, now I see psychopath                           
Neglectful Silence                                        N-Slaved by N-Saint                                                 
Shadow  Side                                              Seeking Relief vs constructive suffering
Neglectful Silence                                        Want to see an email from an N mom...
Intellectual Abuse                                        Giving up the story....it is time (V-day is coming)
Spiritual Abuse
Cognitive Abuse
Intrusiveness
Shame Dumping
Narcissist ....... Caricature ....... forever Changing
Emotional Vampires




Who is really real and really trying to heal and who is really just pointing a lot of fingers while spending a lot of time staring in the mirror?

This thread is my personal observation....Like Carolyn's thread, if Dr. G wants me to delete it, or clarify, I will - his call.

[seasons]

Dear Lise,

Speaking for myself many of these posts on the LEFT have been very helpful to me. I have learned so much and am appreciative for them.

I also regonise all the work you have put into healing and have learned much from your pain and honesty. Recently realizing it is a very painful place to go.

My point I have gained from both.

love seasons                                                           

                                                                Why is it so hard to move on...
Relational Aggression                                   Learning that the N's in m life cannot define                                                 
Narcissism                                                 article: Shame is The Shaper of Symptoms of The Disowned Part of Self 
Envy....The Root                                         Why when people tell us to be gentle to ourselves does it evoke shame?
Authenticity                                                Letting go of hatred and anger........finally!
Gaslighting                                                  Diagnosis -- not crazy!
Shame Dumping                                          Phone call with N mom has me in tears
What is Borderline Personality Disorder?          Hurting and shame -- N saint strikes again, now I see psychopath                           
Neglectful Silence                                        N-Slaved by N-Saint                                                 
Shadow  Side                                              Seeking Relief vs constructive suffering
Neglectful Silence                                        Want to see an email from an N mom...
Intellectual Abuse                                        Giving up the story....it is time (V-day is coming)
Spiritual Abuse
Cognitive Abuse
Intrusiveness
Shame Dumping
Narcissist ....... Caricature ....... forever Changing
Emotional Vampires

[Gabben]

Dear Seasons,

Yes, I agree the information in those posts on the left has been very helpful as well for me. It is not so much the info as much as what the main poster, who I see as being Leah, is trying to say or where she is coming from.....for me it has felt covertly aggressive and when I try to stand up for myself....I get pathologized as the aggressor.

The point I am making is that the board is not always safe for me because I am a person who is capable of genuine introspection, staring at the ugly parts of my own self which include, self-hatred N-traits of anger and selfishness.

When someone like me is here trying to grow, understand and heal, it makes it hard when the posts on the left are always being brought up just when I go to bare my soul or admit something...being real so to speak and then a poster, Leah, will come instantly right behind me and others as I have noticed, trying to smear herself off with these thread topics....it is as if all that is genuine and true about myself, that I know to be, is being erased, or that I am being picked on, covertly. Perhaps my goodness is too much in that it raises the awareness of the moral turpitude so my goodness has to be erased in order for them to keep her equilibrium?

For me, having been raised in a home with a N mom who defined me...it is painful as I am trying to heal and define myself...not by the worlds eyes....but by staring myself directly and admitting my own envy, self-contempt, anger, hatred...etc....that does not mean that I am an N, or a bully or a cruel person....on the contrary it shows my goodness, my ability to face myself at all costs to be real and to really grow. Being here on this board with someone like Leah who wants everyone and myself to think and know that I am some kind of bully is painful when I am trying to overcome being defined...I know who I am. I am not a mean person, just truthful. It is not to hurt, but to defend....

Also, we suffer from our negative stuff in measure...it is not all black and white.

Hope that clarifies.

Lise

[changing]

Hello-

I have gotten so much from everyone here on this Board, though I do not always agree with everything any one person's posts (I probably would not even agree with all of my own posts if I reread them!) What resonates most with me may not be helpful to others. What I think is most important to me is the support and generosity of others in giving their time and efforts here. It can be an oasis of refreshment and fortification amidst strife in my 3-D life.  And someone to listen during those times of the "dark night of the soul." Thanks to everyone here.

Love and Peace,

Changing

[Gabben]

Thanks Changing.

I just needed to express this.

This is the dance that goes on here on the board between Leah and myself every few months.

Mostly, I ignore until the build-up gets to me and then I need to express my frustration.

Most people do not see what I see or get what I get it because Leah treats them differently as I am her intended target, covertly...if it was not covertly...well, then, we would all see it.

I feel better now...I just needed to get out my frustration....

Lise

[Gabben]

I am sitting in weeping at the sheer cruelty of Gabben's thread

This above is a pity ploy as well as a smoke screen.

Both of which are tactics.

[Certain Hope]

Lise,

I may be wrong, but I got the impression that Bean was agreeing with you.

Love,
Carolyn

[Gabben]

Really............I'm sorry bean.

[Certain Hope]

I don't know.. that was just my sense of it.

Lise, please take a few deep breaths. I am... otherwise I'd be in a heap on the floor.

Love you.

Carolyn

[Gabben]

Still on my way out of the board but for the sake of un twisting the twisted realm of Leah's mind:

  Re: I am sitting in weeping at the sheer cruelty of Gabben's thread
« Reply #9 on: Today at 05:55:31 PM »   

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi LilyCat,

No, honestly, Gabben really has not "reminded" me of anyone, that has not been an issue at all, however, Leah reminds Gabben of her N-Saint person.

Um...NO.......you Leah do not remind me of Nsaint.....

Thats the way it is, has been, from when Gabben joined last fall as Gabbenangel, and also, from when she rejoined in Jan'08 as Gabben.

There is nothing I can do, Serenity is a comfort.

Actually for you Leah it is you lack of conscious which is your comfort

There is nothing anyone can do, it is something that Gabben can only work through herself, in her own way of therapy - which is different to mine.


That is why I have kept my distance as it were, because I knew, have known, and as I have posted in Feb'08 - that Gabben reacts to my threads and postings.    

Lie.............

It was she who followed me around and the reason why I have had to lock threads.

Lie...........

There were 2 threads in particular, which Gabben reacted to quite fiercely and I had to lock the threads, and there was so much more besides, all of which long standing members are aware of, that is, if they were present at the time.

Lie..........distortion.

I have mercy and grace in my heart for Gabben, but see little point in sacrificing my health and well being for the purpose of enabling or whatever it would be.

Leah........you have no heart. Lord only knows the Mercy I have for you.


Grateful thanks with love to you,

Leah


"enough is enough"   

Exactly...........

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

Hi Lise,

I have editted out the diagnoses in your last post.  They are not permitted here.

Richard