GFM case re-open }:-(

[Lupita]

She called and he is all excited about it. He was devastated for a week I put up with the tears and pain. How can he not have any resentment for all the suffering she has cuased him? Is he a victim person? What have I done?

[Leah]

Hi Lupita,

Is your son still reading this board?

Love,

Leah

[Lupita]

Not often, I think he read here like six months ago. No, I dont think he is coming any time soon.

[Ami]

Dear Lupita
 I am sorry you are hurting b/c of your son, his choices, his pain. My heart goes out to you.My thought is that he will go through many ups and downs, poor choices and hopefully good choices .In the end, I hope he uses the good sense I am sure you gave him, Lupita. I know you were a wonderful mother.                 Blessings,   Ami

[lighter]

Awwww Lupita.

I was concerned the girl's dismissal was just a ploy, to snap him in line.

You have to remember not to attack her... not one little eye roll or murmer.

You can suggest things that lead him there.... but not directly there.

You need to have your own life and not appear bent on ruining the love of his young life, understand?

You'll just help her and her mother accomplish their plans, if you do that.

Lighter

[Oops]

Lupita,

I am new here but had to post because I'm going through the same with my son. I know exactly how you feel and can only say that I've decided not to say anything negative about her at all. I resented her for hurting my son and I didn't even want to say her name, did not gain much but resentment from my son so now I've decided just to be here for him when ever he needs me and just listen and give support. Hurts like hell when someone hurts our babies, I get like a lioness and want to protect my cub but... I just pray that he learns just like I did but sooner than me (I took to long)...

Oops

[Lupita]

Thay just had a dry chat. Guess she wants to be begged and he is not going to. But if she begs I am afraid he will say yes immediately. I dont know. I will keep my lips sealed and my tongue bitten and will stay away.

[lighter]

::sending prayers for you and your son::

Keep focused on what he loves....

that you love.

His career.... his dreams.... dancing..... food.... each other.

YOu don't have to comment on the GF or her mother.

When he talks about her.....

detach (as much as you can) and nod, wag your head in a little circular motion that doesn't really say anything.

You could also say..... "let me know how that works out for ya" without any judgment or dread.

He may just understand he's the captain of his little boat, and mama's not going to keep trying to save him.

He has to do it on his own.

Lighter

[Lupita]

I will try Light, I will.




I will keep my mouth shut!

[lighter]

Ticking off list again...


Head wag.....

"let me know how that works out for you."

Talk about the things you both love... that build him up.

You might also say "good luck with that."

Just no sarcasm, tears, criticisms.....

detach.

(((Lupita)))

[Lupita]

Lighter, you are so nice to me. I deeply appreciate you.

OK, today Sunday, ex-GFM was in church. She started to harry me up. Why? I dont know. She started saying, vamonos vamonos vamonos, which means lets go lets go.

I got annoyed and got my things and left with her to the parking lot. But I was not going to eat with her. She wanted me to go for no reason. So, when she was leaving, I went inside the church again, when she saw I was going inside, she yelled, "what rae you going back there for?"

I sadi, I have conversations I have to finish.

She said you are going to be late to eat with your son.

I did not answer. What is her problem? It is not her business. What does she have with me? Why?

I was so disgusted.

When finally i got to see my son to eat togetehr, I explain to him that ex-GFM was a trigger her self, no related to his x-GF.

He said that why do I get mad because of her behavior. That her begavior has nothing to do with me and I hsould not get mad because somebody else behaves on one way or the other.

I still dont understand why she makes me so mad. Probably an association with my mother's behavior. The poor woman makes me feel very ungry.

[lighter]

Oh lupita

What happened to the benign head wag and "no comment" status on GF and GFM?

Duoh....

but you can do better, starting tonight.

You can also assert yourself politely in church and not let her get you all flustered.

I think that she upsets you so has you frustrated with yourself, as much as with her.

Big breaths.... step back in your head and say something kind, then move away.

Oh GFM, you look lovely today.... I have to speak with Frederica, excuse me please.

Throw her off with a big smile and make your escape.

It's OK.... I give you permission to be a grown up and make your own decisions.

She's not in control of you.... calm... breath.... smile and assert.

BUT NOT WITH YOUR SON: )

Light

[Lupita]

I dont know what I get mad. I get so mad. there is no reason.  I dont want to get mad.

[lighter]

Breath in dark air.....

blow out light air....

walk a hundred white steps to the seaside....

relax every part of your body, one by one....

but don't tell your son how much GFM and GF upset you, K?

Lighter

[Lupita]

I agree with you Light, youa re right. I will reopen this chapter if they get back together. For now, I need to rest from it.

Love you.