The self-defined, “Victim”

[Gabben]

Article as promised.....Part 1

The self-defined, “Victim” writes his/her own history (along with keeping a now wary protective vigilance toward his/her future power structures by a practiced "marketing" of his/her "mistreatment" and/or "abuse." Support garnered through such projections provide outside support during rejection, separation or divorce potentials and isolates the falsely labeled "Victimizer" in his/her life).

Often having been forced into an early abusive relationship as a child (where he/she had been a genuine victim), the underlying determination as an adult is a lesson learned; being "abused" provides outside sympathy and protective reaction within any life situation).

As is common with having been abused as a child, the past-abused child now becomes the adult abuser (within the self-defined "Victim" personality disorder, this adult is a stealth abuser).

The self-defined "Victim" is practiced in presenting facial/body behavior signals to his/her outside world as a presentation of the "truth" of his/her position. The facial "mask" along with an “emotion-less” mask at times are silent "display" mechanisms.

His/her children as tools whereby anger is expressed in more subtle ways through the hurtful or "direction-signaling" words of his/her children toward the person “needing” punishing or who the “Victim” desires to control.

The children are (serve as) his/her “messengers.”

Example: "I thought you didn't come over Sunday because you didn't like me." (Child's comment to Mother's new companion - a manipulative "shaming" messenger).

When "sent" by the parent, the child may exhibit an alert "watchful" expression, aware that he/she is a "messenger" and is to watch and report the response.

The child who has been programmed by the self-defined “Victim” to serve him/her FIRST has lost the natural right to be a “self-protective” human being which is a fundamental human right -- it is a basic human right to be able to be concerned with the primary “self” first, before acting in the best interests of others (an inherent concept within “self-defense”).

The natural, normal (healthy) outlook is given/taught by emotionally healthy parent(s) to their children that there is a right to love “self” first which frees the child to choose to love others voluntarily in like manner as he/she grows into maturity (to love the primary "self" first is to be able to feel human empathy):

Matthew 22:39 "...., 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.'

For any child to be programmed to “serve” the self-defined “Victim” first (before all else) is to destroy the child’s inherent right to act out a protective “self-interest.”

As noted, the right to a “self” is a basic human right. The child of a self-defined “Victim” has become a psychic slave to this self-defined "Victim" (inherent in any concept of slavery is that the freedom of "self" has lost its primacy). The innocent and powerless child has in summary been robbed of his/her “self” (the "self" of this child has been devaluated).

This effect is equivalent to what happened to the stealth abuser as a child.

The now adult stealth abuser is visiting his/her early victimization upon his/her own children along with training the child/children to role-play manipulative deception within the "messenger" role.

The self-defined “Victim” is a thief.    

He/she robs the falsely labeled "Victimizer" of his/her reputation and friendships. The self-defined victim in arrogant license (an abuse of liberty) reforms (re-shapes) the relationships of the falsely labeled “Victimizer’s” own family (including that person's relationships with his/her children) and causes the loss of that person’s best interests, i.e., the right to be seen as a person acting out his/her life within his/her personally responsible choices.

The self-defined “Victim” sets out to redesign, re-direct and redefine the now “Victim”-defined “Victimizer’s” life.

[Gabben]

Part 2

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The self-defined “Victim” is now the “Almighty” power within that person’s life. The self-defined “Victim” has now become the secret (stealth) abuser.

When exploring the "effects" of the self-defined "Victim" upon the lives of his/her children and/or the falsely labeled "Victimizer" it can not be assumed that what is being ultimately concluded is really nothing more than a dismissal of true victimization (an unjust perspective). There are real victims in the world.

A self-defined "Victim" can be understood by the "effects" of his/her behavior. The reason (cause and effect source) "for" the behavior itself may vary. The "effects" that a self-defined "Victim" produces in the lives of others is more than desiring to be "seen" as someone an "on-looker" should genuinely pity.

No human being who is living within the real world will come out unscathed by sorrow, loss, pain and suffering at some point in his/her life. These experiences are not figments of his/her imagination.

Merely experiencing times of feeling angry, powerless and sorry for oneself is not the foundation for a definition to mark a person as a self-defined "Victim."

True victims have been injured by the abusive situations forced upon them and will feel (throughout their lives) unexpected often suddenly painfully intrusive re-exposure of that suffering visited upon themselves by the strength of the implanted experience.

When a child has been abused and is in the process toward some level of recovery, he/she may (no doubt will) have limited internal resourcefulness or emotional resiliency to meet the needs to allow recovery to take place.

One would be hard-put to suggest this child would fill the definition for a self-defined "Victim" even though continuing to use the learned manipulative role-playing and deceptive practices forced upon him/her through fear of the abuser.

The context for the child's behavior is fear not self-examination and adult responsible choice-making regarding the "effects" of his/her behavior.

Every choice an adult makes regarding his/her behavior serves some purpose (within a negative or positive "effects" framework).

The institutions of societies are founded on the concept of personal responsibility. Men and Women have the ability and responsibility to examine their behavior choices (changing the behavior when the behavior does injury to others).

Societal Expectation: It is within the context of moral and legal accountability that all laws regarding the definition of adult responsibility come into play within society.

"You do the crime. You do the time."

The stealth abuser is just as dangerous to those he/she targets as those who openly slander and libel others and of whom the law offically requires an accounting.

Merely because the damaging behavior is insidously acted out and is difficult to present to a court of law as a specific assault against the human rights of an individual real victim, doesn't make the behavior palatable (or shouldn't) to a society interested in justice.

Regardless of the "reason" i.e., past abuse, early learned manipulative behavior, etc., when an adult makes choices that harm another person - child or adult - the "effects" of the choices have real consequences on the targeted (real) victim(s).

Within the consequences of the behavior TO the child/children or the falsely labeled "Victimizer" lies the rational basis to justly define the role-playing activity of the "self-defined Victim."

The motive behind the self-defined “Victim” behavior is to achieve what he/she wants (What this behavior serves is to provide a power “pay-off” regarding what is wanted out of life). The “Victim” now has obtained the same power of his/her earlier abuser...he/she is IN complete Control.

[Gabben]

Part 3

The Continued Dangers of Entitlement: Without a willingness to "see" his/her own negative behavior patterns, the self-defined "Victim" will no doubt continue to make sure everyone believes he/she has been “abused” by presenting “abuse” today. This once true Victim of early abuse will continue to seek power (now empowered to "pay-back") the rest of his/her life by making sure the world sees that he/she is being abused.

All abuse can produce a loss of personal power and a degrading of the value of “self” (to the abused powerless child) and becomes the means for the early destruction of a right to personal control for the abused (the right to personal control is an inherent right of being human and is a learned response within the process of growing into adulthood).

Depending on the age when this destructive personality profile is finally exposed (or recognized) by someone, there will be revealed within the self-defined "Victim's" history, a past of earlier “victimizer’s” and destroyed, damaged, lost, minimally functioning or no longer functioning relationship(s).

Often what relationships are intact within the new couple's lives will be sustained by the behind-the-scene "support" for the self-defined "Victim" and are made up of those who have not suspected the false front provided them.

Those persons who suspect or have suspected the deceptive behavior of the self-defined "Victim" are not retained within the circle of influence and/or who have been made uncomfortable by the stealth comments made by the self-defined "Victim" that they remain at a distance to the couple's life (to the confusion, increasing isolation and hurtful loss to the falsely labeled "Victimizer.")

While this destructive negative learned behavior has been encouraged by stressful and abusive situations within the child’s life of the (now) adult, the choice of continuing to role-play the “Victim” throughout early adulthood (which may continue throughout life when there has been no positive intervention ) always creates more real victims.

 The major casualty of a self-defined “Victim” (besides innocent children) is a genuine victim who will carry permanent and lasting damage to his/her life, relationships and reputation for the rest of his/her life because of living with the self-defined “Victim” personality.

  That person - (the real victim within this examination)- has been impacted by economic loss through lost jobs, clients, friends, potential friends and had respect taken from him/her through the deceptive behavior of the “Victim” and a genuine ugly “deformity” of his/her true personality has taken place.

It will take careful repairing work grounded in a firm morality or he/she risks his/her actions toward renewal as seen as doing exactly what had been done to him/her by the self-defined “Victim.”

If the activation of “Victim-playing” begins early within a relationship (usually after marriage), once this behavior is recognized and the now falsely labeled "Victimizer" feels the negative effects of that role, it may be difficult to save an existing intimate adult relationship for long.

The behavior - recognized or exposed: The “Victim” now used to his/her role-playing feels no alternative but to maintain his/her “Victim” status. Exposure is to destroy the source of his/her personal power because the “superiority” of the “Victim” is threatened with extinction. The ability to “tweak” to “control” to “activate” has been lost.

The individual self-defined “Victim” may not fully understand what a fraud he/she is, but it is difficult to deny that “Victim’s” who play this part, do know that lying, stealing, hypocrisy, belittling comments, back-biting and personality destruction of another is a moral wrong (within logic).

In spite of the logic regarding moral behavior being seen: Instead of acknowledging his/her activity is a moral wrong, the self-defined “Victim” rarely admits to the pattern of behavior, thus, denying that a moral wrong is being perpetrated on another human being by him (or her).

To fall in love with such a damaged personality is dangerous to a healthy “self” (in reality, the real personality has been hidden by the devious behavior of the “Victim” so that when exposed, the person damaged by this behavior realizes that the man or woman he/she thought he/she loved was not real).