Is there a distinction between defending ones self from being sandbagged, and being seen as a bully when they are standing up for themself? Or does one just leave quietly to not upset everyone else- letting the other party get away with it, drive me out? I guess it is easy to think how one should act if you aren’t in my place.
If a child is being pounded in the bushes by the school bully, should that child cry out and fight back, or should that child just take it so as not to disturb everyone else’s recess?
I worked at a restaurant where the bosses refused to handle conflicts amongst the employees- they wanted us to work it out ourselves. We had a bus boy that thought himself a little Romeo- and whatever waitress he had a crush on the moment was subjected to his romantic gestures. You hand him a dish and along with taking the dish, he’d make sure to fondle your hand. Yuck. We waitresses constantly talked to our boss about it, but to no avail. After one particular long night, my arms loaded with dirty dishes, heading for the dishwasher, the little busboy playfully bumped me, throwing me off balance, and I almost fell to the floor. I shrieked in out rage. I was tired, and so sick of this ongoing harassment, and now at the end of the night, I’d had enough. I let him have it in the back room. The next day my boss voiced –to my co-workers, but not me - how shocked she was at my outburst. She couldn’t believe I would yell. Never, ever have I lost my cool on the floor, and if anyone’s done this work, they know that is self discipline. It was ok for this busboy to continue his harassment to the point of my safety, but for me to take action on my behalf, that was distasteful.
So what is adult and what is childish? For me to not have spoken my mind, would have been for me to be in my child state. My adult said, “Go fight for yourself. Stick up for yourself.”
And I know that there are those here that unless they are in my shoes will never understand this.
