Author Topic: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...  (Read 4389 times)

Gabben

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slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« on: June 13, 2008, 06:12:07 PM »
there is no need for me to beat myself up for losing it in anger...YOU are all doing it for me, all I have to do is read your posts....shame on me!

I hope that hammering with how wrong I was to label makes people feel better as it must have really caused you some pain so that you need to talk about it, and I am sorry once again.




Ami

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2008, 06:18:06 PM »
Lise
 You are OK if everyone slaps labels on you. You are you and don't need anyone to validate you. If you made a mistake, you  made a mistake.You are falliable, Lise. It is OK.                 Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Certain Hope

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2008, 06:21:30 PM »
Just a bit of perspective, Lise...

It's not everybody.

And Hops' thread re: healthy community is not about you.

Love,
Carolyn

Ami

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2008, 06:26:19 PM »
Carolyn means it is about me, Lise.          Ami
« Last Edit: June 13, 2008, 06:27:58 PM by Ami »
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Gabben

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2008, 06:28:13 PM »
I know...it is just that I have felt ignored and invalidated, my reality has been invalidated.

I am hurting...and it is not the pity act or the victim dance.

It is the real stabbing pain my chest of what it is like to come on this board to receive so much shame and invalidation.

When other shame you, covertly by ignoring you and talking around you, it creates anger -- it makes me wonder...who is really doing the relational aggression?

My chest hurts with a burning pain.

People who have not been victimized do not understand.

They assume that victims are the ones crying, or weeping, when in fact victims are angry.

There are different types of anger.

I think that people love to shame others here for their mistakes and point fingers because they were all so abused as children, they hate themselves and don't even know it and so shaming others who publically get angry is a way of making themselves feel superior.

Then they go off on the psychobabble of triggers etc...acting super calm and healed, when all they are doing is wearing the mask of sanity for the sake of defense.

My defense are stripped raw...perhaps, that is why I am so raw and real.

Lise

Certain Hope

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #5 on: June 13, 2008, 06:31:28 PM »
Lise,

At the risk of becoming "one of them" in your eyes, I have to repeat:

It is not everybody.

All people are not reacting to you this way or relating to you on that basis.

I'm not... and I've seen others offer you a hand and gentle support.

I think and feel that you are getting caught up in broad generalizations.

And I'm not just taking a rational approach, either, because I feel it, too.

I've been the target of the same sort of nonsense, and I've felt some of the same stuff you've expressed, just it doesn't come out of me the same.

I'm sorry that you are hurting so.

I just don't know how much validation might ever be enough?

Ami

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #6 on: June 13, 2008, 06:32:01 PM »
Sweetie,
 You are loved and valuable and it is inherent, Lise. It is NOT defined by one or a hundred.         Ami
 
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

teartracks

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #7 on: June 13, 2008, 06:36:05 PM »



Lise,

I'm completely OK with you.  No animosity.  No labels. 

tt

Gabben

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #8 on: June 13, 2008, 06:38:58 PM »
I am NOT defined by CB, lollie, Amber, and debkor, Ann3 or anyone else.

I'm free.....Free to feel RAGE at the old abuse that the new abuse is touching.

I am free to heal the deep pain under this..........the old victim hurt without a bunch of small hearts telling me that I am mean, cruel and abusive.........That is the farthest from the truth.


Being angry and having anger does not make you an abuser, sometimes people step on our toes and we just retaliate, with anger, and losing it....but it does not mean that I am a cruel person..........oh...so far from the truth.

No one defines me.




« Last Edit: June 13, 2008, 09:13:06 PM by Gabben »

Ami

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #9 on: June 13, 2008, 06:42:52 PM »
When there have been terrible atrocities, there were very few who stood up. Our worth is not defined by numbers or others, no matter how many or how few. You define yourself, as you said, Lise.        Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Gabben

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #10 on: June 13, 2008, 06:44:33 PM »



Lise,

I'm completely OK with you.  No animosity.  No labels. 

tt

Thanks tt...that was all I needed to hear. some kind simple words.

My head was beginning to fill up again with loud critical shaming voices...the voice of my mom when I would try to stand up for myself as a child.

This pattern is deep and stubborn...it really is, I thought that I had made progress, but I just felt as though I fell off the beam and now I am a walking piece of shit, a no good for nothing basket case of a sack of cruel puss lynching maniac....


I can hear my mom's verbal abuse screaming through my head...it screams what an "idiot" I am, what a "retard" I am, what a "foul" human I am.



Ami

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #11 on: June 13, 2008, 06:46:25 PM »
It WAS the old words that were in your head. We all go there. I do, for sure. Glad you are feeling better. It WAS lies and it still IS  lies.
                                                                                                              Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

lighter

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #12 on: June 13, 2008, 06:50:25 PM »
Two steps forward...

one step back.

And so the healing goes: )

Lighter

Gabben

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #13 on: June 13, 2008, 06:56:26 PM »
Thanks Ami for your support.

I'm in attention seeking mode and must work harder to heal the wound of invalidation.

It will happen.

Gabben

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #14 on: June 13, 2008, 06:57:45 PM »
I see you understand lighter, thanks -- I feel as though I have fallen about 20 years back.