My 'event' came to a spluttering end finally in 2002! Like you, it was a very real and painful experience for me! Amazingly, I hadn't realised just how invested I was in that relationship! I was lucky......no that's not right! I was fortunate in having a women who worked as a Counsellor live below me in our block of flats!
She had computer problems and new I was fairly good at sorting things out when she got into trouble with hers. She also was aware of my relationship with my ex and had kind of being watching from a distance as to what had been going on. She new I was in trouble and pointed me in the right direction. We are friends and she couldn't get involved in counselling me......but she did gently push me in a certain direction. The rest I learned through reading and the internet. They are some very good sites and there is one in particular that boosted me enormously. I'll dig it out for you if I can remember later!
I was lucky......and I really mean it this time! My NPDer still kept in touch with me because I was financially useful to her! She had reclassified me as a 'friend'......but only when it came to be bailing her out! Anyway, having read huge amounts of material, I could now use what I'd learned in order to prove to myself that she did suffer with NPD. I was staggered by how accuritly I could now forecast what she was going to say and do in advance.........and by god she would more often than not, seldom fail to let me down!!
She became a bit of a lab rat for me! I'd set a train of thought in motion for her, then step back and watch how she'd slowly perform to order! I was staggered at just how much I'd misinterpreted her actions when I was in the relationship with her! Now I could see her for what she really was. I had to pretend that what I was now seeing didn't hurt me! But in truth, inside I was devastated at just how wrong I'd been!
Like you now, you can't undertand, fathom out what the hell happened. You can't logic your way around the problem. You've tried to reason and rationalise it, but still inside you are lost for an explanation of what happened. The sad part about it is.....there isn't going to be on coming from him! Or at least not one that is going to paint you out to be anything else other than mad!
Sit back and do nothing. Don't engage the guy in any form of interaction whatsoever! I know this is going to be hard for you, but even now, he's playing on a perceived weakness he thinks he knows about you.......if he is indeed a Narcissist! In time if, and I'm talking weeks or a month or two, he will attempt to re-engage you in the game he was playing. He will be very very convincing! Get ready to set him up and see what happens. Remember they are incredibly naive!
Test him! Figure out what he's really after. Lure him in to the point when he thinks he's about to get it, then switch the head lights on full beam and stick the mirrors in front of him! Explore his financial past with his ex wife. Learn more about the real person he doesn't want you to know about! These things are the beams of light and mirrors that you need to use against him. He's cleverly shaped what he wanted to see.......now show him the truth! Like a vampire, he'll shrivel up and die in the light of day, never to f..k with you again!
Presuming he is a Narcissist with NPD of course!
Onyx