Author Topic: What we've learned from recent board strife:  (Read 6349 times)

lighter

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Re: What we've learned from recent board strife:
« Reply #15 on: June 15, 2008, 10:30:07 AM »
CB....thanks for breaking all that down.

I appreciate the self care reminders, as well.

An 8 hour nap yesterday means I have my days and nights officially standing on their heads,  but getting plenty of sleep.

As far as this thread.....

I feel I've said what I needed to say and there's satisfaction in having said it.

Even if slander and gossip continue, and I suspect they will.

Watching others (not besee of course) speak out, on the healthy community thread, was wonderful, but not the same as "speaking."  

I'm learning and practicing.....

until I'm comfortable doing.



Thanks again,

Lighter





lighter

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Re: What we've learned from recent board strife:
« Reply #16 on: June 15, 2008, 11:02:04 AM »
Carolyn:  I'll have to filter the newbies caught in the trap, until they manage to free themselves.

That makes me sad, but.... as you say, we don't have to join them.

There's comfort in that.

Lighter


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Re: What we've learned from recent board strife:
« Reply #17 on: June 15, 2008, 11:15:13 AM »

Lighter,

Here's my idea of that "filter" - - - is this what you mean?

As you grow more aware of the impact of your particular style on others,

it'll be easier to know who can receive it... and who will not.

Then you can choose whether or not YOU want to reach out to someone...

not on the basis of snobbery, but because you're self-aware and also other-aware,

and are practicing that discernment of which CB spoke.

Hope that makes sense.

Carolyn

lighter

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Re: What we've learned from recent board strife:
« Reply #18 on: June 15, 2008, 11:44:26 AM »
No..... aol has a filter feature where you can choose not to have certain posters show up on the board.

I meant to say go NC.

If they're invested in old conflicts, and don't realize they're being manipulated.... I don't wish to engage them and I certainly don't wish to injure them further.

The best way to deal with it, is to withdraw.

I feel like that happened with Gabben.... and now she's starting to use her own filters on the board.... and we can communicate again.

As for who can hear me? 

People tend to make that pretty clear, don't they?

Lighter


Certain Hope

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Re: What we've learned from recent board strife:
« Reply #19 on: June 15, 2008, 11:48:51 AM »
o...
I see.

I didn't know there was such a filter.

Thanks for explaining, Lighter. I'll ask our wireless isp if such an option can be made available... sounds like a great aid.

Carolyn



lighter

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Re: What we've learned from recent board strife:
« Reply #20 on: June 15, 2008, 12:14:20 PM »
I think only AOL message boards offer the filter feature.

Which I miss.

Lighter

Certain Hope

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Re: What we've learned from recent board strife:
« Reply #21 on: June 15, 2008, 12:28:27 PM »
I think only AOL message boards offer the filter feature.

Which I miss.

Lighter


Yes, I discovered that in searching. Too bad! I thought it was something provided by aol to all its customers, as a tool.
Seems that some message boards/forums allow you to select "ignore" on selected posters, but I guess that's not available here.
Then again, I guess it's a good thing to learn to simply not read, as you choose. That's what I've been practicing and it helps!

And I see what you meant all along now... "no contact", not "filter".  Gotcha.  Thanks!

Carolyn

lighter

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Re: What we've learned from recent board strife:
« Reply #22 on: June 15, 2008, 01:05:13 PM »
YVW

Certain Hope

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Re: What we've learned from recent board strife:
« Reply #23 on: June 15, 2008, 01:13:29 PM »
Lighter,

Just so you know, I think you're doing a great job of applying your own filters here.

All any one of us has to go on is our current impressions, right or wrong.

It's good to see you respecting yourself enough to draw lines for your own protection.

Very good, indeed.

Carolyn

lighter

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Re: What we've learned from recent board strife:
« Reply #24 on: June 15, 2008, 01:46:18 PM »
(((Carolyn)))

Thanks.

L:ight

ann3

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Re: What we've learned from recent board strife:
« Reply #25 on: June 15, 2008, 01:57:26 PM »
Lighter,

I write this post with all due respect to you.

I think that if you want to learn something from the recent strife, you have over looked a contributing factor, which is:  Some (not all, but some) of your posts sound sarcastic, snarky, nasty, with baiting others and egging them on.  IMO, when you post as I just described, you create strife & negativity on the board.  Since you raise the question of ‘lessons learned from recent board strife’, I feel you should be aware of {what I believe to be} your contribution to the strife.

IMO, once someone creates strife & negativity in a post, there is a likelihood that the strife & negativity will permeate the thread and this may cause someone to start another thread, which defends or attacks the strife & negativity in the original thread.  As occurred recently, additional threads may then be spawned dealing with the previously spawned threads.  For me, it becomes a web of threads spawned by the original negative post.   I, too, have posted negatively in reaction to what I perceived were negative posts.  Then, my post, in turn, elicited further negativity.  I no longer want to engage in that dance, whether here or in the 3D world and I suppose the key is to ignore those who push buttons & trigger.

On the other hand, I have read posts of yours in which you sound loving, caring, supportive, constructive and funny.  You definitively have a sense of humor.

You recently wrote of the intense strife you were (or are) experiencing at home and I am so sorry hear that you and your little ones were (or are) living under such circumstances.

I’m sticking my neck out in saying all of this but, I hope that one lesson you might learn is that when posting, accentuate your loving, caring and supportive side and reduce your negativity.

ann


ann3

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Re: What we've learned from recent board strife:
« Reply #26 on: June 15, 2008, 02:26:41 PM »
Dear Lighter,

I'm just reading posts on the board and found one that demonstrates what I previously posted to you that (IMO) some of your posts are sarcastic, snarky & nasty:

Here's the post: Re: Why are we seemingly devouring each other?
« Reply #41 on: Today at 01:02:48 PM »


Here's (what I feel is) the sarcastic, nasty & snarky part of your reply:

Hi Leah:
Thanks for being so concerned that you've inserted yourself, once again, in something that doesn't concern you.


My point:  Lighter: I know you have the verbal skills to express this sentiment without being sarcastic, nasty & snarky.   You can get your point across without the sarcasm, nastiness and snarkiness, saying something like this:  "I feel this issue does not concern you". 

In the above proposed sentence, you are expressing your thoughts without sarcasm, nastiness or snarkiness.  And, when there is no sarcasm, nastiness or snarkiness, there is less likelihood of engendering strife on the board. 

IMO, more importantly, when there is no sarcasm, nastiness or snarkiness, we're not hurting other people.

all the best,
ann




Izzy_*now*

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Re: What we've learned from recent board strife:
« Reply #27 on: June 15, 2008, 02:42:01 PM »
ann3

I am concerned that you will instigate more strife with your searching for some, in your estimation, disagreeable posts by lighter.

I am concerned that this statement will erupt into something against me.
Izzy

"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

Certain Hope

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Re: What we've learned from recent board strife:
« Reply #28 on: June 15, 2008, 02:46:03 PM »
I'd just like to offer validation to Lighter for what I've witnessed of her very clear and dramatic shift of tone and style on this board.

For some time, I stopped posting to Lighter altogether, because some of the same stuff noted by Annie.

When I saw a marked change and realized that Lighter had indeed taken heed of her own approach, I began posting to her again.

Just seems right to note that... and also to note people don't completely change overnight. Not if it's a genuine transformation.

Carolyn

ann3

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Re: What we've learned from recent board strife:
« Reply #29 on: June 15, 2008, 02:48:19 PM »
Izzy,

I didn't have to search, was just reading today's posts.

I'm not writing anything about you or to you.

Lighter posted a topic and I commented.