Self care and retaining lessons: Tricky business: Rather lengthy post warning

[lighter]

I have to admit something about myself.

It came to me while plucking 3 very familiar chin hairs..... the only one's I'm aware of.
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If there are more, I'm happy not to know. 
Regardless of whether others notice.... 
::Shrug::  which surely says something about my inner housekeeping, certainly my outer housekeeping.
I'm very ambivolent.... procrastinating is a comfort zone..... my self esteem isn't tied up in neat pressed seams, perfect makeup, accessories and tidy personal space. 
Dust isn't my idea of filth, nope nope nope.
Filth is in the little layers of unrinsed residue left behind by cleaning products... in corners and crevices of baths and kitchens.
Bleach, is my friend.  ::nod::
Rinsing till the water's clean ::nod::  That's my idea of clean but to look at my space, cluttered, you'd never guess.
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Ahhh, I digress.

I always manage to find myself shocked when I notice those little chinfurs... time and again.....

fully grown back, dark at the tip, light at the root.   

Improbable (how can the tips be dark and the root be blonde?)

And yet, time after time, there they are. 

I notice I get the same feeling about some of my inner housekeeping... the habits I'm trying to change... have managed to change.

The old habits sneak back in, even though I've already wrestled through the why and how of rooting them out.

The old habits of my heart.... are always trying to grow back.

Trying to replace and forget them, means I'll be seeing them soon.   

At some point, I have to ask... is there a more efficient method?  If so, I'm ready to learn.

Is there some expedient way to banish old coping strategies and habits?

Ahhh.. that word "banish."   

The old habits don't seem to have a place to go, once we've asked them to leave, do they?

Can we create a space for them to rest and remain in peace, so they don't keep coming back?

As opposed to banishing them and leaving them stranded, out in the cold, looking in?

Trying to crowd them out by imposing new habits and filters..... doesn't seem very economical.

I don't like the idea of them being alone and shivering, homeless, in any case.

I know that sounds odd but..... it's exactly how I feel about it, and the old habits have a POV, too?

Is how we feel about our old habits..... part of the equation?

How we honor and retire old patterns.....

 part of the equation?

Do we approach them with shame and impatience vs attention and care?

Not sure... but I've become mindful of HOW I may change habits.

I don't want to continue the white knuckle feeling of urgency, though it may be the only way.

Oh dear... this is so hard.



Lighter

ps... I'm sure there's some wonderful resource that lays all this out simply.  Does someone have a good book they can recommend?

[Leah]

Hi Lighter,

I am justing read through all that you have shared.

Thank you, I will certainly respond and discuss with you.

Love, Leah


PS.   Yes, I have posted tons of stuff  -  thinking about it!     But, that's just me, and how I work through, I am the kind of person who inwardly asked "why?" - then, became a brave seeker.

[Certain Hope]

Dear Lighter,

I struggle with this, too... retention.

Some habits are particularly stubborn... especially those heart ruts.

The concept and work of taking every thought captive
and
casting down "vain imaginations" helps me.
There are many articles on the topic, but I recommend reading it - prayerfully - straight out of the Word (2Corinthians 10).

Often all of that trying and trying only focuses more attention on the problem areas.
The more and harder I may say, "I won't"...   you can be sure that I will, because I'm only magnifying the issue by concentrating on it so.

The heart needs to be retrained, too, you know?
Maybe don't pay so much attention to it's groaning to have the old way back again...
just be patient with it as it learns to adapt to new imaginations... the sort that aren't vain.

Love,
Carolyn