Hi tt,
I hope so! And I hope that, at some point, you'll share your thoughts... and possible questions on the topic, as well.
Hi CB,
Thanks for your post.
What you've said makes good sense to me.
I don't want to be in the position of putting each interaction under the microscope...
but more than that, I want to be sure NOT to use the magical thinking you've mentioned,
to gloss over issues that really should be duly noted.
At the same time, I am more aware than I have ever been that other people have to put up with a lot from ME too! And that there is a lot of give and take that goes on between imperfect people.
I think that's the glue which bonds us together, exactly.
It's the missing link in those who, like my mother, behave as though they are so far above the "fray" of ordinary human relations.
She really could teach a graduate course in Superior Stoicism.
I graduated summa cum laude... but now they won't renew my certification

Shucks.
So...
when you meet someone and you're talking with them, finding both common ground and differences, which is only natural,
is it best to discuss the most noticeable/potentially objectionable differences early on?
I'm asking because - it's in the discussion and review of those differences that an opening arises for either party to say - whoa, that diff is too big a hurdle for me at this time... let's slow down/ work toward potential compromise by discussing it some more/ potentially call a halt to any further discussions. Right?
If we only discuss the biggies and, in the meanwhile, a wagonload of little issues is accumulating, we could wind up in a ditch anyhow, without ever having had such an open discussion, so... we're each pretty much on our honor, as far as processing the baggage before it tips the cart. Right?
Seems obvious to me that the better we each know ourselves, the easier it is to deal with these smaller items as they arise... because we know which ones are likely to be relationship busters.
So I guess that for someone who knows himself quite well to have to deal intimately with someone like me, who is still pretty fuzzy around the edges, must require plenty of patience and foresight.
And I wonder... isn't part of what creates the desire to spend time with another person in communication... an intuited sense that it's safe to lay down defenses with her and just be yourself?
If one person reaches that level of trust before the other, I can see how the disparity of view could stir up some questions.
I guess I pretty much feel like I'll just be myself no matter what... at least that is how I want to be.
That doesn't spring from any great confidence, although confidence is growing... but mostly it comes from a deep and abiding disgust for the wearing of masks.
Some people don't know how to take that, either. I can see it in their eyes. It's as though... when they sense the absence of a mask, it seems to make them grasp on to their own false front for dear life. That still freaks me out a bit.
But mostly I am wondering now...
still...
is it not okay to simply enjoy conversing with someone for the simple pleasure of exchanging thoughts?
Isn't dialogue a fundamental dynamic of relationship?
Or must a relationship be defined by some set label before the other blanks can be filled in?
Hope that makes sense.
Carolyn
P.S. Lily... Hi. Thanks... and I do hope you'll come back to post again here.
I am still really out of touch with the answers to the "wants" question, too... and "peace" is also my primary response.
Unfortunately, getting a handle on other aspects of the answer tends to disrupt peace...

Love to you.