Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Are Nkids more insightful?

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Ellie:
PnkDragn3, Discounted, ch,

I agree.

Discounted, I could have written more than half of your posting.

There is no way to go back and repair the damage another has done against you. The siblings will not believe you unless they have seen what you see and feel what you feel. More people than not want to still believe that their parents would never do anything to intentionally harm them.

As for my siblings, they see the damage that has been done, but they believe in the Nparents so much that they believe I brought all of this on myself - that I damaged my relationship with the family.  In a way I guess I did, I choose to not live with their evilness anymore.

Even though one sister has been irrepairably harmed from them, she still believes she can some day make them love and accept her. In fact she keeps trying to find a guy that they will accept so she can make up for the past that the Nparents destroyed.

Discounted said:

--- Quote ---If i could buy the headline of every newspaper in America, if I could be on all the news shows and expose her, I would surely do it. It means that much to me, the hurt is so deep.
--- End quote ---


I have said that so many times!

The real issue is not setting the record straight with anyone. I believe the real issue is to seperate yourself from those you love that keep hurting you. As hard as it is to imagine doing, time will allow you to heal and not look back, and even be very content with your decision.

Learning to live without the ones that hurt you takes practice. You have been conditioned to live with the hurt, that it feels natural. But it does harm to you and all those who really love you.

You cannot beat yourself up because you had an Nparent. It happens to the best of us. But looking forward, deciding the best choice for you and trying to be a happy person is a good path to strive for.

Anonymous:
" it is so hard for others to accept that a parent would purposely choose to destroy their own child that outrageous lies are believed as "it must be true -- her mother said so." 90% of the time, you do not even know these events have occurred. "


I find myself having a hard time beleiving a parent would do this.  It's something I'm not so sure I can comprehend.  But the fact is is that it does happen and I need to accept that but I dont have to agree with it.  I've even had therapist that have discredited this information because it is just so unbelievable.  Sad really.

=o)

Anonymous:

--- Quote from: Discounted Girl ---

There is no way to tell how many people out there in any given situation throughout the years have come away with the wrong impression of me based purely and completely on her lies and smear tactics.......

(you are speaking directly for me too here).

There is not enough time left in my life (let alone energy) to go around "setting the record straight"...... She has tried to damage my relationship with my......

(yes, my children, family, friends etc, and has done a great job of it, and I do not intend to waste my time, or energy attempting to clear up any misinformation because I would rather live my life and be happy, just to spite her)

... She has painted a distorted picture of me with her acquaintences and probably more strangers than I could even imagine.......... She told lies about me to all my family......made a great deal of it (my life)miserable....

(I can't predict if she has shortened it but you are probably right there)

She robbed me of some valuable stuff with respect to my relationship with my children. By the time I caught on to her monstrous ways.....

(and called her on it.  She went ballistic and became more vicious and damaging than imaginable and created some of her most venemous work, which she continued to spill onto whoever would listen)


........I just want to say to anyone out there who thinks this is a mental illness and these people cannot help themselves, you are wrong. This is a bad habit and a way of life that they plan and choose to live. It is all very deliberate and premeditated....
--- End quote ---


(as I too suspect).

DG:  You've hit so many nails on the head with your description.  This is all so very frustrating and instills great anger in all who endure such treatment.  It's good to vent and speak with a clear voice about the wrong that has been done to you (and by doing so, you have spoken for others who know similar experiences).

Thankyou and God bless.

Anonymous:
I can relate to the experience of having a strong sense of intuition and insight about people and events.  And, yes, some of it may come from learning at a young age, to prepare for situations, and constantly observe and size them up.  I have also been very shy.  So, instead of engaging with people, I observe them for a long while before I decide who is save and who is not.  

I can also relate to the poster who mentioned difficulty and the importance of trusting your intuition.  I have a strong sense of intuition, and trusting it is another story.  I am constantly denying my experience or the significance of it.  Intuition can be used to our advantage.  It lets us know when we our physical or emotional well being is threatened.  But when you are in an N environment, it becomes very difficult to trust your intuition.  You are constantly told that your experience is irrelevant, and that the N's experience is the only real thing, the only important thing to consider.  So, we with the gift of intuition, cannot trust it.  It is very difficult to work through.  THank you for bringing up this post.

ch:
Hi everybody,

Another thing i found very useful to my healing was telling myself "HEY, DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY."  Yes, it happened.  It was terrible.  I was victimized.  It ruined my childhood, and a big part of my adulthood as well.   But if it had not happened to me, it would have happened to another unfortunate innocent child born into my Nfamily. So, you see, its not personal.  I didn't cause it. And i didn't exacerbate it either.  I certainly cannot cure it.

The Nparent had their devious plans long before the children were born. I realized,  their NPD really has nothing to do with ME at all, as I am very sure that your NPD stories are also not about YOU personally either.  
Since reaching this point, my anger has subsided immensely.  Maybe this might help some of you?

ch

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