3D

[Ami]

I feel that I have found my voice,on the board. *I* am happy with it.I feel that I can say my truth,have a little fun, generally defend myself, all the skills you need in 3D.
 I am calling old  friends,whom I disengaged from when I "gave up" on life.
 I feel many, very uncomfortable  feelings descend on me, as I  re-engage in 3D.
 I feel a great sense of helplessness,  paralysis, inability to defend myself,inability to stand up.
 I am trying to feel these feelings and not run from them.
 They feel horrible. I think it is a replay of my life ,with my M, a stance where I could not fight back, whatever happened to me. I was stuck, standing there, taking ANYTHING that was dished out and I could not move ,in my own defense.
 Has anyone been here or in a similar place?    Ami

[Hopalong]

Hi Ami,

Do you feel the old friends you're reaching out to in 3-D are people you'd need to defend yourself from?

Do you have a sense that you must be ready to fight off attacks, to engage?

If so, that must be hard.

(I remember feeling that way when I first lurked at my church. I literally ran off after services. Took almost 2 years for me to stay for coffee hour. Now it's one of the safest places in my life.)

love,
Hops

[Ami]

My friends are NOT the problem, Hops. I have always had nice friends. It is my stance( no comments -lol)
 I feel that I cannot defend myself , protect myself, act in my own best interest or a sword(introject) will come down from the sky and slice me.
 I am just facing this head on. That is why it seems really painful, right now. I pushed it away under "addictions" of trying to be perfect,shopping,  etc.      Ami

[Hopalong]

Ouch. A big sword in the sky.

Perhaps a symbolic hat or two would be a good idea?

(I'm all for rituals, blessing oneself...maybe even the private humor of wearing a "sky shield"/hat would be comforting.)

Hops

[Ami]

Wonder Woman Suit.                    Ami