Maybe that would reduce "rallying" and mindless "I'm on HER side, no I'm on HER side" kinds of chiming in? Hi Hopsy,
I took this off the Healthy Community thread--but still wanted to address it. It may belong on the thread, but I wasnt sure. Your comment above highlighted a BIG tension on the board. I have felt it both as the person being picked on and the person standing by.
When conflicts like this happen on the board, I think everyone immediately goes into a double-bind, and it has to do with how we want to see ourselves and how we want others to see us. A lot of the hurt that we have felt in the past has been at the hands of onlookers to our abuse who said nothing, did nothing. We spend a lot of time talking about these onlookers and some of our greatest contempt is reserved for them--and we sure don't want to be one of them.
We also dont want to be ambulance-chasers--someone who steps into a conflict just to get a better look. Worse, we don't want anything we say to fan the flames of something that is essentially between two or three people.
It's always a judgment call when something happens right in front of you, how to respond. And I don't really know what is the right answer. But I do think that we lose members over it--both people who are unfairly flamed and receive no response from the community and ALSO community members who dont know which side to fall on (being a non-participating onlooker or risking further inflammation). I think a lot of members drop at that point because they don't like either option and what choosing either option will make them feel about WHO THEY ARE.
That's my take on it.
At any rate, I think I was the "chimer-in-er" on this one.
Love you, Hopsy. I'll try to figure out a more graceful way to do it next time...
CB