hi tt
Magical Thinking is a very interesting concept but I don't recall having any, for long.
I have lived for almost as long as you and we have a few areas where we disagree, but many ideas and beliefs come from the era in which we were raised. Are you and I alone in this? You had an N mom and I didn't. The Ns in my life, I have discovered, 2004 onward and tried to put it all to rest.
Now my problem area is that I was not taught any thinking from the time I was little, and I suspect I withdrew inside myself to alleviate the pain.
There were no birthday parties. There was no tooth fairy. There was a "supposed Santa" but (our gifts were piled with our name on a scrap of paper) when I was very little my [now that I know] N sister was ahead of me on the stairs. The picture is still in my mind. My mind photographed it, as it has with many others. I can even see my knees in pajamas following her down, then saw her move a doll from one pile to another. Our mother was standing to the right of the tree that was set up at the front door that we never used. N sister never liked dolls. I looked up at my mother and said, "I wanted a doll". I can still see her face turn to pain........ and that was it. I knew then, as young as I was, that my mother let my sister have my doll and my feelings never mattered.
I don't recall any Magical thinking, as I believe the term to be, from that point onward. I never believed the Fairy Tales. I knew they were untrue and those things never happened. We went to church every Sunday and we heard about God and Jesus, but they were never around, never came to dinner, just another story that was untrue. C hurch meant that Mom sat on one side with the girls and Dad sat on the other side with the one boy. It was the place that my mother made me go to after I had cut off all my hair, and people were asking who the boy was in the [our] family wearing a girl's hat = I looked like a boy and no one noticed
*I* was 'missing'. There was no magical thinking about forever after.
By the time I was 15 I knew that no one would ever love me and I would never get married. Marriage was presented one way at a ceremony and another way at home. Sex was supposed to be a certain way, but my parents never shared a bedroom. Everything I heard was presented as being untrue.
I can fast forward to life with the Ns, my daughter and me. Her N, her life. was not what she expected. She was given a life of poverty and abuse, accompanied by brain-washing against me. There was no Magic for her, her disappointment that she never mentioned, and sadness for me.
I thought Magic came when I met the N. I was soon disappointed and tied up in business and lease legalties, but extracated myself
That is the only way, and to put out of one's mind the harm that the N did, just dwell on oneself, blaming no one, either directly or indirectly. An N is an N is an N.
Get away from the N, and referring to the N. N's are not Magic. They are the devil incarnate, or the blood thirsty vampire that drains your soul. There is no Magic. They create more Ns. I've seen it, read it.
Those who live too long with an N pick up the N-ish traits and begin to blame others, instead of just looking out for themselves. I've heard (read) cryptic remarks, but can see through them now. I have heard (read) words with double meanings, but see through them.
Some people cannot LET GO, as they want to forever be pitied for the horror they have endured.
I think perhaps I was lucky that I never had any Magical Thinking, EVER and have been able to come to terms with liars, cheats, nastiness, selfishness and people in denial, the hangers-on, the "blame her so I don't have to accept my fatal flaws".
Well tt, this is long, but am I talking about Magical Thinking, as is meant in your post? If not, well I just talked about me
From the lack of Magical Thinking gal
Izzy
