Lupine, when you are talking to me you are talking to ME. If I ask someone else in a PM what their opinion is of you, you are STILL only talking to me when we next talk, since I still have a mind of my own, believe it or not. Talk about ME in PMs all you want, you are entitled to your private opinion and it doesn't bother me a bit . But if you vent your ill-opinion of me in public don't expect me to remain silent.
I think I WAS a little harsh with TT. But I also think her messages are confusing and contradictory and I honestly don't know what she is trying to say to me, for good or ill. Also, I am sick and tired of all the guerrilla warfare taking place on this board and her messages seemed to be in this vein.
At the least this would put your mind at ease
Ugh, Bean.....if it were only that simple. My mind has never been entirely at ease....The curse of the cognitively aware...
I would also like to know how private messages can "fuel' a public thread when no one except the private parties know what they were talking about??
Hi Wiltay: I don't know that pms fuel all conversations. I'm just talking about the ones I am interested in or get involved in. I mean like it really goes back to high school....when you confide in your best friend who then checks in with her other friends to get a new slant on the issue. And then she talks to you as if it were just herself. If I had wanted to ask the group, I would have put it out for the group! Somehow, I trusted this friend to respond to me with authenticity that did not include sharing my concern with others.
So, that is maybe a crude way of explaining why pms irritate me especially when one's message is couched in a disclaimer of having to check in with her/his intimate others in order to form an opinion which is then regurgitated to me. I mean HELLO!
Yes, I am making a lot of assumptions here ... but I also have a sneaking suspicion that the slowness of the board has to do with all these pms.....We are choosing who to talk to????
I really liked this board because I thought (long ago) I was talking to a great variety of people and to hear their read on what I was saying was so helpful. I mean like I got a great feedback on what I was saying or trying to say and the responses were so different. They made me think. (for me, that's always helpful....)
So....gossip is valuable....pms have their purpose....I suppose....but I still think that it is better to say it out loud. At least, don't include the fact that you are having them in your message!! Let me be blissfully unaware that there is only one person I am talking to.
Which is what started me off on this tangent to begin with.
Now I digress....You could have been more sensitive to TT and toned down your do or else message. And she could have been more direct in her communication with you. As it is, the problem becomes who is going to give in first and if you both decide you are on the higher road, you have just cut off contact with someone who might
be helpful in some way....See, I put it out there for everyone!!!! sometimes we are so diligent in our boundaries, we lose the forest while battling the trees...May I take my own advice 
