Author Topic: How did you get in touch with your inner child?  (Read 2018 times)

LilyCat

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How did you get in touch with your inner child?
« on: June 30, 2008, 01:12:17 PM »
For those of you who did, how did you begin? Where did you start? Any hints? Guidance, experience, etc.?

Several people suggested this to me and it seemed like a very good recommendation.

Thank you --

LC

cats paw

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Re: How did you get in touch with your inner child?
« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2008, 01:39:29 PM »
Hello Lilycat,

  Just wanted to let you know I've read your other posts.  As far as using the construct of the inner child, there are many books that can guide you in the process.

  One method often suggested is to obtain a picture of yourself as a child, and just start observing her, and she what she might have to say to you, or just what she might want to say, period.

  Your T might have some specific recommendations, and I'll bet Google has a wealth of info.

   I've not specifically set out to use any of these, but not too long ago I came across a picture with my M, my D, and me when I was approximately four years old.  I was suddenly struck with the realization of knowing that it couldn't have been me to cause my parents not getting along, OR, most of all - my mom's unhappiness because I wasn't "good enough" as a child.

   I still have some work to do as far as my teen years and beyond regarding my mom's unhappiness, but I'll get there.

cats paw 

dandylife

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Re: How did you get in touch with your inner child?
« Reply #2 on: June 30, 2008, 02:12:56 PM »
LilyCat,

I haven't done specific "inner child" work, but I did have a clinical hypnotherapist help me with coming to terms with past abuse in relationships (early and current).

Most CLINICAL hypnotherapists are trained in how to re-parent the inner child and integrate the child into current life with better resources to handle conflicts in today's life.

Interesting, because I was just reading in the book Schema Therapy how therapists use this type of therapy to reparent the "Abandoned Child" in order to treat someone with BPD.

Dandylife
"All things not at peace will cry out." Han Yun

"He who angers you conquers you." - Elizabeth Kenny

sKePTiKal

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Re: How did you get in touch with your inner child?
« Reply #3 on: June 30, 2008, 02:40:46 PM »
LilyCat...

in therapy, I learned to essentially self-hypnotize myself - and we used that to be able to "see" my inner child, the first time. After that, I began working on my own with her - letting her tell me things. I could also propose that we (me & Twiggy - my nickname for my inner child) work on specific things.

Healing the Inner Child is a book that was helpful to me, in understanding how there might be old wounds still hurting for that child... and how to heal them... through becoming my own parent. But my "process" of working with Twiggy was one that developed between me and her, independent of a set "therapy" or healing path. This kept things flexible - for Twiggy and for me.

Pictures are also useful - as a tool for mining your memory & feelings.

Twiggy & I are still working together on certain things - and sometimes I need to be the comforting, consoling, understanding parent, and sometimes the firm, wise one who can outsmart this precocious, strong-willed, but severely misled young lady.

I think, if you ask your T what he would suggest as a starting point for this work - and discuss what this type of work would entail - you might be able to get started. One warning: I found there was a LOT of things that I wasn't aware of about me. Very unpleasant & hurtful things. You need support while doing this kind of emotional archeology or forensics and you need to really pace yourself, to be able to continue to function in day to day life... IF there are these kinds of things attached to your I.C.

Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Certain Hope

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Re: How did you get in touch with your inner child?
« Reply #4 on: June 30, 2008, 04:22:23 PM »
Lily,

I've never dug into this area formally, but many months ago there were a few of us here who posted photos of ourselves as children... in our avatars.
Just looking at that every day for awhile (several weeks or so) was very effective for me, in remembering who I was... and even how I felt.
That prompted me to looks through some ancient photo collections and piece together the rest of some buried stuff... not all bad, by any means...
but at the time, I wasn't prepared for the force of it... so please be aware - there was quite a load of fear and sadness to wade through, along with some more pleasant stuff.

Love,
Carolyn

P.S.  Sorry, Lily... Didn't mean to leave the impression that I'd checked out. Just that I'm not hitting "refresh" on the board homepage every time I happen to pass by my notebook.. lol. That was a bad habit I'd gotten into over the past couple weeks and definitely need to curb. What I meant was... I'm not here as much, so response time will be alot slower.
oxox
« Last Edit: June 30, 2008, 04:24:42 PM by Certain Hope »

Ami

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Re: How did you get in touch with your inner child?
« Reply #5 on: June 30, 2008, 04:36:52 PM »
Dear Lily
 I read  many books on the inner child. There are good ones by Margaret Paul . I made some progress, but the biggest progress I have made is when I have been feeling deep feelings with an "enlightened witness" as Alice Miller, calls it, someone to be  with you and support you as you re-feel the old pain.
Finding the right person is the hardest part, by far. It could be a therapist, but finding the right therapist  is hard, too.
For me, I am healing, for the first time, now.
I wish you the best in finding your true self, buried beneath the lies, which were never ours to begin with, but which we took and held tightly , proceeding   to our own destruction. It is so sad.                 Blessings ,   Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

LilyCat

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Re: How did you get in touch with your inner child?
« Reply #6 on: June 30, 2008, 05:13:38 PM »
Thank you everyone, very helpful.

As to pictures ... I only have 3. And one of them is temporarily ... somewhere. (But taken on the same day as one of the others.) That's part of the whole deal -- I never had any baby pictures -- my mother tried to pawn my sister's off as mine, till I realized I was blonde as a kid and she never was. I might have had a few more but lost them.

They are both happy pictures, actually. In one I'm about 2 years old, we're at a picnic somewhere. My brother is on top of the table and I'm "riding" him like a horse (I loved horses from birth, I think). He is happy as a clam, too. It's great to see that we were such pals even then. My sister is at the back of the table turned toward my mom. (The lost picture is of the three of us sitting on the table. My brother has his arm around me. It is soooooooooooo sweet.)

The other is around 5-6th grade, I guess. I'm sitting in a chair in the living room in my bathrobe (one I particularly remember) and my head is tilted back and I am just gleaming with laughter or happiness. That picture always strikes me as odd, because I don't ever remember feeling happy like that my entire childhood -- so where did that picture come from?

Maybe I can find more at my dad's, but I haven't seen any to date.

Maybe I'll talk about this at group tonight.

Ami, thanks so much -- Alice Miller was so pivotal to me; it's great to have someone who knows her approach et al.

Carolyn, what is an avatar? This is not the first time I've heard this word but I don't know what it is.

Phoenix, thank you. That is very informative and helpful. It sounds like you've done/are doing a lot of very interesting work.

Dandy, thank you -- and hello! Nice to meet you. Thanks for replying.

Catspaw, thank you as well. That's very interesting about the picture. I have a similar story although it wasn't prompted by a picture. It had to do with the N. Long story short -- I thought I had offended him ... was thinking about "offense" (it was also Lent) ... by the time I got to the bottom of everything, I wondered how I could have so offended my parents at so young an age, that they would abuse and neglect me. And I realized that I could have done nothing of course. I was a child. I had a very strong sense of that child, that moment. I'm sure you'll get where you want to go, also.

Again, thanks everyone. Any additional suggestions, etc. are certainly welcome. Have a good evening.

Certain Hope

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Re: How did you get in touch with your inner child?
« Reply #7 on: June 30, 2008, 09:39:25 PM »
Hi Lily,

The avatar is the little picture we're able to place near our screen-name, here on the board... such as my butterfly in flight.

Hey, I saw on one of the other threads that you did hear back from the spiritual counselor. That's wonderful!  I know it'll make your Saturday's earlier than optimal, but at least it's a time set apart from work, etc... and, hopefully, you'll find it so invigorating and helpful that you'll feel better than if you'd gotten to sleep in!
(Sounds good in theory, anyhow, eh?  :))

I'm so glad you heard back from her.

Love,
Carolyn

LilyCat

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Re: How did you get in touch with your inner child?
« Reply #8 on: July 01, 2008, 10:24:31 AM »
Thanks, Carolyn.

Yes, I heard back again this morning, and we've confirmed for Sat. (I wasn't sure if we would, since it's a holiday weekend.) I'm very excited and really looking forward to it. I am so happy to have found someone with her credentials and background ... hope she lives up to them!! Will be interesting, in any case. The spiritual aspect of this is getting worse and worse. It's been getting worse for me every week at church, and now, thankfully, choir is done so I can take the summer off. (Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. This year I desperately need the time away from there.) But truthfully, I am doubting my ability to go back in the fall. And, I am actually doubting my faith for I think the first time in my life. Job well done by a pastor, no?

How do you do the avatar thing? I've wanted to post a picture of my cat, Lily, but didn't know how.

I talked about the inner child thing at group last night. We had a really good group. there's a member who wasn't there, who I really like but he really dominates because he is very intelligent, perceptive ... and talks (nearly always as feedback to us, not so much about himself.) I've been getting annoyed lately because, although what he has to say really is truly insightful, he's so vocal that I don't get feedback from the others, who quite often delight me with what they have to say. (Talk about voicelessness! It's on their shoulders that they don't speak up.) I was going to tell him this last night.

But he wasn't there, so it was a lot more free-flowing. It's always a very different group when he's not there. He's a big presence.

Anyway -- I should put this on the food thread! -- we spent almost the entire session talking about food. (One of the guys started it.) It stirred up some memories in me; they seemed like a beginning. I did talk about this board and how people had recommended doing the IC thing.

It really was a good session. Therapist talked about how not many therapists do group any more, some of the reasons, etc. Since the other two, who are fairly new, were trying to remember how long they'd been in group, therapist looked it up. Then -- groan! -- he looked me up too. Yup. It will be 20 years this November.

I was impressed with myself, though. I thought I'd been individual for a year before I started group. I started individual in mid-november, started group the next February. That is a very short time to know a new therapist and jump into group. (Of course, I had no idea what I was getting into!) I impressed myself with my courage.

I'll never forget my first night. I walked into the waiting area, dressed as well as I could, hair, make-up, etc., feeling fairly well presented (I was much better at it then; younger -- although I am not making quite the revival!!) -- a bunch of people sitting there. I introduced myself.

We walked in, sat down, and Art, this fireman guy who I will ALWAYS love and respect, looked at me and said, "you have a dynamite face. How come you're overweight?"

And that was my introduction to group.

I told you they were a vocal bunch!!

Art is one of my favorite people of all time. He had quite a story ... and he became the most honest person I have ever met. It was an amazing privilege to watch him grow. Just loved him! I was so sorry when he left; he was perhaps the one person I remember who actually did all the work he needed to do, and truly "graduated." (Maybe someone else did, but I can't remember. But I tend to think not.)

Sorry for the reminiscing ... but thought maybe someone would be interested in a description of group. It's not like the Bob Newhart show at all! (Well, maybe a little.)

I was also impressed to find out that my therapist had done postgraduate study for three years in group therapy. Very interesting story. He went an extra year so he could train with a very well known group therapist/professor, Pamela Frank. (Guess who's going to google her today, ha, ha.)

That's him -- very responsible and dedicated and professional.


Certain Hope

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Re: How did you get in touch with your inner child?
« Reply #9 on: July 01, 2008, 10:37:13 AM »
Dear Lily,

I really enjoy and appreciate reading about your group... and the therapist... and especially Art! That sort of directness and honesty which would make me feel at ease, too! I mean, even if it's something that isn't so easy to hear, at least you know the person isn't playing games or being two-faced.
Truly, it sounds like an awesome group and you made me want to cheer for Art, who graduated!
(And I will be googling Pamela Frank, too! lol)

There is just something about the way you write which is so friendly and open... so unrehearsed and natural... well, you are just a pleasure to read.
Wish I could express that better, but the best I can say is that I feel refreshed, after reading you.

The avatar thing... Izzy showed me how. In order to have the photo remain there in the avatar, seems that I couldn't just have it stored on my computer.
Actually had to upload it to one of those photo album websites... like Photo Bucket.
It's been awhile... and I don't know which is the best site to use, these days... but you just have to keep your album open for public viewing - even if it just has the one photo in it, which you've selected to use as your avatar.
Other pictures, if you want to add them as attachments to a message, can just be on your computer, I think.

Hopefully Izzy will correct any mis-statements I'm making here... lol.

Have a great day, dear Lily.

Love,
Carolyn


LilyCat

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Re: How did you get in touch with your inner child?
« Reply #10 on: July 01, 2008, 11:50:23 AM »
Thanks, Carolyn.

Guess I won't try the picture ...  too much technology!

I must have got the name wrong. I tried googling it with no results.

Izzy_*now*

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Re: How did you get in touch with your inner child?
« Reply #11 on: July 01, 2008, 01:21:09 PM »
Hi LC
I missed reading this so never saw your avatar questions. (I don't think I have an inner child. I was born 69 years old.)

Yes the photo you want as an avatar must be on the Internet, somewhere, and hopefully no more than 100x100 pixels in size. Yet a little larger won't hurt! Too large and it scrunches the photo into the space provided by this board Program.

I can resize pictures and upload them to the Internet for you, or give you Instructions for Photo Shop: I have Roxio PhotoSuite: or if you have a program at all.

Are you still interested?

Sincerely
Izzy

EDIT: P.S. Carolyn. You did just fine!!
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"