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Does anyone feel self-destructive after being with their N?

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Anonymous:
I used to be a nervous wreck after seeing my NMIL. My plans developed to see her as infrequently as possible (my H was very hurt by this and therapists had to intervene!); to have a drink before seeing her since I couldn't face her without fortification; and to have something fun to do afterward. She was a real life-sucker. I never thought she would die but eventually she did.

bunny

Lizbeth:
My mother was a diagnozed paranoid schizophrenic and a recluse the last 20 years of her life.  I only visited her physically a few times in those years because of the terrible effect she had on me.  But I did send her letters (easy to do) and I would call her on special occasions.  However, I would wait until the last possible minute to call her, completely overwrought at the thought of having to speak to her, and would be a wreck for days afterward if she started to push my buttons.  At the end of her life she became somewhat more lucid and realized (after a few angry outburts and hang-ups from me) what she had been doing to me my entire life and apologized to me through my husband.  

I can't even begin to imagine what spending several days with her would have been like at that point in her life.  Just having to talk to her wrecked me.

Anonymous:
yup - living with my mother, growing up - my body and mind were in a constant state of "fight or flight".  I am positive that my mother was the cause of my early childhood development of this gastrointestinal disorder.  I read in my psych text last semester that chhildren who are emotionally and physically abuse, and or move around a lot and are never allowed to settled down tend to develope this digestive diseases.  I got mine at such a young age, it was nearly unheardof in children that young.

Lizbeth:
I was bulemic from the age of 16 until just last year (3 years after my mother died and after some therapy and some other self-discovery issues I worked on.)  I know this was in direct response to the verbal and possibly physical (when I was very little) abuse at the hands of my mother.

Jenocidal:
I'll never forget the time, when I had just got out of the hospital for a serious Crohn's attack (I was 18) - I went with my mother to her wedding dress taylors - and my mom kept telling everyone not to mind me, that I was anorexic.  I would get so angry with her, cos I wasn't anorexic.. I just had a digestive disease that she cursed me with.  She would go out of her way to tell complete strangers my private heath details... right in front of me.  It would infurriate me.  And she knew it too.  It was like she was making excuses to total strangers for why should could have had a defective child.

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