That's probably right Carolyn.
Still, makes me feel sad
for that person. My father was such a person. Full of rage (and he kept it well hidden, when necessary). He was nasty and cruel. I never understood it but vowed (even as a small child) to
NOT be like him. And ya.....feel sorry but at a distance. Yep. I did that.
I don't think I am like him. I've felt rage at times but managed to release it. I've been envious but not wanting to hurt or belittle or control or eliminate the person. I'm no saint either. I just don't have a desire for revenge and to cause pain (or whatever that is?).
Yes, why don't they walk away? I think what you wrote is exactly why. I've seen that recently with my sil (sister in law). She refuses to help my mil (mother in law) in any way, unless it suits her. Would you believe she wrote herself a cheque (from mil's book)....to pay for parking at the hospital....while mil was there recovering from a stroke? She has a good income and doesn't need the money.
Greed seems to be a big theme too, come to think of it! "They" are sooooo greedy!!
Here's one of those convo's that shocked me. I had offered to attend a care conference for fil (father in law), who is in a nursing home. Sil agreed and I said I'd report back if there was anything new (these are rather unexciting meetings between the staff and mil, never sil, tho I've gone with mil before, in which they update fil's care and the progress of his dementia...they talk about the drugs and what to increase/decrease, his weight gain/loss, etc. Nothing really exciting).
Anyway, on the morning of the meeting, I get a call from sil:
sil: "Hello Sela. Change of plans. You won't be going to the meeting. I'll be going."
me: "Oh..........would you like me to go with you? I can go if you like?"
sil: "Nope. It's my place. Ok? Goodbye!"
Click.
Her place eh? I think her place was to bring her mother fresh fruit when she complained of hunger. Maybe visit her every day (since she lives 5 min from the hospital and I live 35 min drive away)? Offer to take her mother home, since she has a fully equipped appartment that she could easily have shared in her house. At least, take her for a week end to give us a bit of relief (which she did....once.....when hubby coaxed....at Christmas....and she treated mil like crap and told her: "There won't be a next time!").
There won't be a next time?
What a mean thing to say!!!
And when mil asked sil recently if mil could stay over night, one night, to do some packing and not have to drive all the way back out to our place (Yay!! Mil is driving again!! Yay for independance!!!). Sil's response:
"The bed is broke".
Hahahahahaha!! That would be halarious if it wasn't so pathetic!!
I think sil's place......would be to actually call.......once in awhile to see how mil is doing? Maybe offer to help pack up mil's house with her, which is now sold and must be emptied by July 31st. But who's place is it pack up the house? And who is helping? What does sil say about me to mil?
"Sela's too involved!""
You bet I am!! That's exactly what makes her look so bad eh? Makes her so envious! The fact that I am bothered to care for her mother more than she is!
Very sad.
Very selfish!!
Me me me..... me, me, me......me me me...me me!!
I can see exactly why my very existance fuels sil's rage.
What I
hate.......is how it hurts.....mil.
Rather a rant there. Feels better. Thanks.
Sela
on edit: But walk away? Oh no, no, no!! Too busy protecting her inheritance!!
Sil took mil out to see fireworks and for pizza, at sil's house, the other night. At her convenience. Tough stuff eh?
Order a pizza.
Double edit: Do I feel sorry for sil?
Actually.....yes, I do. I feel very sad to think of what she's missing by the way she treats her mother. Not just her mother either. People. Lot's of people.
Anyhow.....like you say.....keep my distance is all I can do to avoid her wrath. I can just imagine what's gonna happen when mil passes away.
It won't be pretty, I bet.
