Hi Ami,
Do you mean taking the title of CB's thread is a way to punish her?
If a person choses to act poorly to others, they may experience repercussions
Yikes. The repercussion related to you feeling angry at CB is that you'll take over her thread title? (I don't mean that literally. I was in publishing, and you can't copyright titles!) Maybe me feeling I was witnessing a person being punched (metaphorically) was a legitimate observation. She was being punished.
You're right that I find anger painful and confrontations distressing. Always have. Still do. And I'm often preoccupied with issues of punishment. I'm very very very leery of punishers. My D is studying justice in grad school; we talk about this stuff. She's no Desmond Tutu, but those are the things in the world that excite me most, spiritually. Tangent....
It's difficult for me to always understand the difference between self-defense and offense. I imagine Ghandi himself had trouble with it at times, or King. (My heroes.) I do think people should be able to speak about their anger, stand up to bullying or baiting, and say NO to other people. Taken me half a century's effort, but I can do it some now.
I do have a low internal twanging setpoint for aggression. Maybe too low...I have an emotional version of tinnitus, constant low-level twannnnnnnggggggg. I guess most poet types, or HSPs (not sure I am one, but something like that) are always picking up particles of rage in the atmosphere. I'm not always sure. In this instance, I thought I was not witnessing healthy assertiveness or "voice", but aggression. (I think sometimes on VESMB, people use "voice!" as a cover for acts of aggression. I think sometimes you do. Maybe I have too. I don't know if I know or observe myself well enough to be sure about that.)
Because I've observed a fair amount of aggression, much of my adult life I've spent thinking about how ELSE people who are hurt and angry might deal with each other.
One thing I have been thinking about a lot lately is that characteristic that a bully will always hit you WHEN you're down and WHERE you are already bruised. My boss does it. My brother does it. My mother did it. Schoolmates did it.
I think CB was likely bruised by her experience on her My Spiritual Journey thread -- but I don't know that. I think it took courage for her to steadfastly maintain a boundary and continuously say "No" to you and to Bill. She didn't sound afraid and maybe she wasn't. But I found her even tone and determination inspiring. Not just because I "fell on her side of the fence" in terms of the issues she was trying to discuss (I'm too ill informed about scripture to even be qualified), but because as I witnessed it, she was assertive, not aggressive.
I hope my saying this directly can come across, through this t-y-p-i-n-g, as a direct but not aggressive thing in itself. I can tell you honestly I am not feeling angry or aggressive as I type, for what that's worth. I'm feeling...thoughtful.
I found you taking her thread title immediately after all that conflict on her thread, to be aggressive. I guess that's all there is to what I'm trying to say. And it's clear that I'm a friend of CB's and have a high degree of trust in her, so that has to be factored in.
With my brother, the default was bullying. There was a sense in the air, always, that I would experience repercussions, when I "acted poorly" according to his judgment. He was judge, jury and executioner.
Anyway, my two cents turned into a plugged nickel, but it's time to get my act together.
Hope you have a good day. Everybody.
love,
Hops
