Psychology Today article on Anger as Seductive

[dandylife]

"Not only does our brain secrete the analgesic-like norepinephrine when we're provoked, it also produces the amphetamine-like hormone epinephrine, which enables us to experience a surge of energy throughout our body--the adrenaline rush that many of my clients have reported feeling during a sudden attack of anger.

How ironically "adaptive"!--and seductive as well. A person or situation somehow makes us feel defeated or powerless, and reactively transforming these helpless feelings into anger instantly provides us with a heightened sense of control. As the title of this article suggests, if anger can make us feel powerful, if it's the "magic elixir" that seemingly is able to address our deepest doubts about ourselves, no wonder it can end up controlling us. In a sense, it's every bit as much a drug as alcohol or cocaine. And it's my strong belief that many, many millions of people worldwide are addicted to anger because of its illusorily empowering aspects."

and

"I'm convinced that anger is employed universally to bolster a diminished sense of personal power. Contrary to feeling weak or out of control, the experience of anger can foster a sense of invulnerability--even invincibility."

Intriguing article.

A person can shrink away from an argument, but, when engaged unavoidably, can get a rush from it as well. Huh.

Read the complete article at http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/200807/if-anger-helps-you-feel-in-control-no-wonder-you-cant-control-your-an

Dandylife

[Certain Hope]

Excellent, Dandy. Thank you so much for sharing this!

If we're healthy psychologically, then we have the internal resources to self-validate: to admit to ourselves possible inadequacies without experiencing intolerable guilt or shame. But if, deep down, we still feel bad about who we are, our deficient sense of self simply won't be able to withstand such external threats.

The remedy in this case? Paradoxical as it may seem, anger--even though it destroys any true peace of mind or sense of well-being--can yet help us to soothe ourselves. For our anger potently serves to invalidate whoever or whatever led us to feel invalidated. In adamantly disconfirming the legitimacy of the menacing external force, we self-righteously proclaim the superiority of our own viewpoint. Thus is our critical need for emotional/mental security restored.

Yes, I recognize it... in myself and in others. When any opposition encountered is interpreted by the immature self as a menace, then even the slightest disagreement can be used an excuse to encourage this addictive form of anger. Trouble is... sometimes the "opposing force" is absolutely correct and needed!
If I miss the value of heeding the opposition, then I'll remain a child forever, obstinately defying anyone who might otherwise be able to help me mature and grow.
What a waste!

Again, excellent stuff.  Thanks. This article is a keeper!

Carolyn

[Leah]

Thank you so much, Dandylife

The article highlights how a BPD person will say "I feel so much better now" -- after yet another outburst of Anger & Rage.

When one witnesses the 'calm after the storm'


Also, I can see how "Rageaholics" enjoy themself, everywhere in life, regardless of age or culture.  A lack of a sense of inner power, feeling powerless - and therefore, to be Angry & Rage - is their sense of power.


Leah x

[gratitude28]

That really explains a lot about NM. She loves the surge of anger and the "making up." One of my sins is I refused to play the game once I got older. She still does it with my F if she can, but it has worn thin on him as well. I guess it's their way of getting a natural high.

[Leah]

Yes, my father was almost serene afterward.

[sKePTiKal]

Dandylife -

I'll just go on and agree with your author - anger has worked that way for me... the reason WHY, is also interesting... Carolyn alluded to it.

I simply can't admit my own vulnerability, ineptitude, or need for assistance - emotionally, that is. Anger is a wonderful mask to hide this from myself - and I suppose that's based on a belief that anger will confuse, or put off the person who is trying to help. Thankfully - I know why this pattern developed now, and being aware of this tendency, helps me from continually reinforcing it!

For me, anger is the lazy way out; the path of least resistance.

[dandylife]

Carolyn,
It took me a long time to acknowledge that there really IS righteous anger. Some things it is healthy to get angry about. I have always been so intimidated by anger, though, since my dad was that way - abusive - that I ALWAYS saw anger as scary, intimidating, something that must be STOPPED. You know? But, once I learned that sometimes just saying, "You must be so ANGRY about that!" to someone gives them the permission to calm down.

Leah, yes, rage is scary to witness. I once read a book that said something like - a normal person will only get enraged over maybe 5 things in their lifetime. Whereas someone with BPD gets enraged just about every other day.

gratitude28, yes drama goes right along with anger, doesn't it? I have been caught up in it's seduction before. Feeling "passion" can be better than feeling nothing at all.

Amber, that's very courageous and very insightful to look inside yourself like that. Thank you.

Dandylife