New to the site and thought I'd share my story:
Welcome Guest 3!
I hope this site will be a place of comfort for you and information gathering..a place to heal and understand.
He consistently talked about marriage and a future together, etc. but nothing every came to fruition.
I'm sorry you had to experience this.

Ns need to take more than they need to give..his degree of Nism seems to be quite high! But remember, Ns are more unhappy at their core than you/we will ever be. They are frauds but are too fragile at their centre to even conceive of this, which means they become very "ragedly on the defensive". Unfortunately, if you don't play their game, they'll let you know where you stand before you get a word in..as evidenced by your comment:
he blankly looked me in the eye and said "Because we don't need you. We don't need you to do those things for us".
and there you have guest 3! Although I know you're hurting..this is classic N, designed, not so much to hurt you but to protect the fragile N core..bravo if you can disconnect and not take it personally..although this doesn't mean for you to disqualify your own pain.
It is all about me. I am the priority here. Me, my daughter, my school and my career". I asked again where do I fit on that list. He said "Don't you get it?" and walked away.
Well, there you have it! The whole enchilada..I know it's sad and don't mean to make light of this, however..this is a classic N thing. It's all about them and the extensions of themselves which we call N supply..you don't know how lucky you are to have saved yourself! Lucky? Heck, SMART is what you are guest 3!

* pom pom time*
In the beginning he would apologize and promise to change and tell me his life meant less without me - all the right things to suck me back in.
* waving pom poms maddly* See how intelligent and discerning you are!

You sound like a very self-aware person! Good for you!
Before discovering this, I used to joke about his narcissistic personality, but didn't know it was actually a diagnosis.

OOPS! truth hurts doesn't it! But sounds like you did all the right things and now you'll forever be on the lookout to avoid other fly by night Ns huh!
he thinks he might never have loved me.
Sadly, Guest 3...his and other Ns problem is that they can't love anybody except themselves...alarmingly they have zero insight into this and probably never will. It hurts to be told that someone never loved you especially after being told you were loved...but then he was speaking more to lash out ..out of a sense of shame and frustration at himself..looking into the mirror..that's what they do.
I'm trying to build my confidence back up, remind myself it's not my fault and get on with my life in a positive and compassionate manner. When I look back, I saw some of the warning signs early in the relationship but didn't register them. This makes me feel better about knowing I hopefully won't fall for another N if I can see the signs before it's too late. You shouldn't have to end up in a physical battle with someone when you ask them to spend one simple hour of their week showing some interest in you and your life. That's no partnership.
I couldn't have said it better myself!!!

you're so right..I needed to read that again and I'm sure tons of others here will profit from the reminder. You are
Kindest regards and EMPATHY!! and again welcome,
Nic
