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Anonymous:
Normally, i would be protective of children and not expose them to adult matters, however, it will be detrimental for them to think that their parents were good role models as far as a healthy normal marriage is concern.  

Not to further add to your pain, and i do feel for you, but, i  am afraid that your kids are already in trouble being raised by both parents which are lacking a successful marriage.  there will be repercussions as a result of this.  

And, you, as a parent, need to take care of yourself and be a good role model going forward. I would not continue protecting the kids from the truth.  its better to clear up the illusion sooner and recover earlier than continue living a lie.  

I don't think you need to hide your anger about your no-good Nhusband.  You should not condone such behavior as this would send bad messages to your kids.  Its not too late for you to live happily ever after, no matter how old you are or how long you were in this marriage.  As long as you are breathing, and still got brains, you have a chance.

Good luck!!  switzerland

Anonymous:
There was an n in my life, who has a relationship with my children, but no longer with me.  I did as Bunny suggests and basically told them (my kids) that the problems were between the adults, and that I didn't want them to worry about it.  Also, that they may feel angry, upset, etc, about the adults not getting along and that that was ok and I would do all I could to help them through it.  The children accepted this.

Years later, they are still hoping to see a reunification and I find it's difficult for me to explain what behaviours caused the disruptions, even though they are much older now, because I don't want to interfere in their relationship with the n person (although deep down inside I would like nothing better than to end those relationships-I do know that that is not up to me).  At the same time, I see my children's confusion and I want to help them understand.  It's hard to explain without explaining.  So now I'm giving simple explanations when they are requested.  No more covering up or dancing around the facts.

If I could do it over again, I would be more factual, giving some simple information about actual causes/behaviours, right from the beginning, and seek expert counselling.

Since your H lives elsewhere, now is as good a time as any to secure your financial situation, regardless of what he is telling you he will do.  Take the necessary steps to be sure you won't need his generosity, which can vanish on a whim and to protect your assets for yourself and your children.

Best of luck to you!  Take care of you too, ok?

s

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