Hi Ellen,
I am sorry for your loss as well. I can identify with you as I had infertility problems also - 6 miscarriages in all. After my first miscarriage, my mother whispered in my ear "you'll never have any kids because you're too selfish". This from a woman who had 8 kids - I often wondered like you - why was she allowed any?
Anyway, the "reason" she made that comment was because I was joking around with a few of my siblings at an alumni banquet and we were saying how we didn't like the pickle loaf sandwiches she used to buy for our lunches for school. Nice, huh?
Even though I don't remember my Mom being a good mother, she construes any kind of comment as an insult. I remember just saying one time that I was having dental problems that were quite serious at the time. She didn't like me saying that and stated that she always took us to the dentist and made sure we were taken care of....which she did. But I was in my early twenties and for whatever reason I had dental problems which obviously ticked her off. It was like I was accusing her of something when I was just stating a fact. What a piece of work!!!!
Anyway, I got to the age of 40 and decided to quit trying to have kids. But I hope you do succeed in carrying the baby left to term. It doesn't help with the feeling of loss of the others though I know.
Hang in there, Ellen. We're rooting for you!
MM
