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[Ellie]

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[Anonymous]

Hi Ellie:

How about this:  When she calls say:

"I'm busy right now." and hang up.

No guilt.  No worries.  No n-junk to digest.  Just hang up the phone and get on with enjoying your birthday????

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW ELLIE!!!!


Hope it's a great one!

s

[Anonymous]

Can you screen your calls and not answer when she phones? Then delete any obnoxious messages. Don't let her spoil your birthday and have a wonderful time!  

Happy birthday,

bunny

[mighty mouse]

Ellie,

Can you screen all of your calls? Just don't pick up or maybe just leave one extension off the hook. You've probably already thought of these, but just know you have the resolve to do it. Good luck. I have my Nsister on my call block list. This is a very cheap service and easy to use.

MM

[Anonymous]

I understand your frustration. My birthday is in 2 weeks and I get cards that say they are praying for me! Get Caller ID and have a wonderful birthday.    Dinny

[Ellie]

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[BlueTopaz]

, Bunny, MM:
As for screening the Nparent's call tomorrow: they have caller ID so they can screen their calls but do not want anyone else to know they are calling so they use calling cards for long distance calls. It comes up as a call from somewhere here in the state. I do not answer if I don't recognize the number or name, but the kids have been conditioned to answer if call waiting comes in while they are on the phone because they have screwed up some calls for us in the past. I have 2 teens and someone is always on the phone.

Happy Birthday Ellie.

I would be for what Bunny & MM said, too.   If you truly don't want to speak with her, then I just wouldn't.  There's always a way.

If your kids pick up, can you get them to say that you are busy/unable to come to the phone but they will just give the message that she called with b-day wishes?

I'm just afraid that if you answer and say you are busy, it will escalate into another agrument.  Once you pick up the phone and are communicating, anything could happen from there.   It might be better just to have zero contact.

In spite of it all, I hope you have a nice day, and enjoy your bike goodies

BT

[Anonymous]

Hi Ellie,

Happy Birthday!

What is it about birthdays. My family is obsessed about them too. They treat me like dirt the rest of the year. My N brother is disgusted with me everytime I  see him and its been three years or so now since I saw him.  But he would always send a birthday card saying "We love you!" Talk about a fantasy.

He got to calling me on my birthday after I tried to reconcile with him  about three and a half years ago.This was no bueno. After I tried to reconcile with him by letter he didn't send me a birthday card, for the first time in 20 years. I guess this was his punishment for  me trying to straighten things out with him. When I called him to see why my attempt at reconciliation made him not send me a birthday card that year- first time in 20 years, he started calling me on my birthday the next year. Anyway. when I tried to find out why my attempted reconciliation resulted in no birthday card, he said my letter was "Weird." The letter of reconciliation contained a concern about keeping contact so we would have a relationship after my parents are gone. So anyway this disgusted sanctimonius brother began to make noises that I was a project to look after. Trying to reconcile turned ugly. I invited a monster into my life.


To remedy this,  on my birthday I just take the phone off the hook and go to the beautiful outdoors here on the west coast. Yes siree! I'm gone! And there is no message to come home to cause the phone's off the hook the whole day. It just rings. I don't even want to hear his voice.I know though that some monsters will try to call later on but at least that whole day I have peace.

I also take the phone off  the hook on Christmas. We see the inlaws before then. That day is just for our immeditate family.

[flower]

>>>>edited<<<< Hope you are having fun on your bike

[Anonymous]

What ever you decide Ellie, re the probable phone call, decide firmly.

If a kid accidently passes the phone, say the preplanned words and hang up.  Don't wait for a response.  No conversation.  And remind yourself to just forget it and not let it get to you at all.  No response or reaction-predecided.

If you can avoid speaking to them at all, that would be great.  What ever happens, just enjoy your day and your bike and your new attitude to not let them upset you, especially on your birthday.

Also, your hubby offering you a chance for a birthday party may have been his way of wanting to give you what you gave him.  Maybe next year, you can have a list of who to invite, what he could bar-b-que for you, and what beverages he could have on ice.  You deserve to celebrate with the best of them Ellie!  Take a rain cheque.

s

[Dawning]

Happy (Belated) Birthday Ellie.

And all the pain you have caused us all your life by not listening to us and doing what we tell you to do......

I'm glad you didn't listen to them.   Oh, their poor poor pain because they didn't get their way.    Bet they have never done any self-reflection.  Oh, yeah, N's don't know how to do that.  

"We still love you even now. You are still our daughter"

I've gotten this one too.  

Recently, I got a funny one from Ngrandma: "you are loved just as much as my own children and grandchildren."  Sheesh....if I didn't bear a striking physical resemblance to her I would think I was adopted.  

Anyway, Ellie, you've got some good advice here.  Additionally, I would say that N mothers see children's birthdays as *the day they gave birth* and there is nothing more to it than that.  I still get toys and balloons from my mother when my birthday rolls around.  On the last one - my 40th - I threw all the toys at the wall, smashed them.  Put the unsmashable toys in a bag, marched down to the local store and threw it in the trash.

[Portia]

Not sure if I'm too late but....HAPPY BIRTHDAY Ellie!   Hope you had/have some big treats just for you. With chocolate sauce on P

PS When I video-tape 'Easy Rider' later today, I'll think of you, yeah, ring that Freedom Bell gal! Very very cool.

[Anonymous]

Last year my mother decided that we (her children) were "too old" to get any birthday presents. So there would be no more coming and we'd better be informed! She had my father convey this message to us via email. Part of the message was that SHE still wanted birthday presents. I did not give her one. Like I care about presents. I cared about her ugly attitude.

Ellie- happy trails on your bike today.  

bunny

[Anonymous]

Hey Bunny!

There must be some real evil in me because after a tactic such as the one your mother decided to use, I'd be tempted to do the opposite, and send really, really nice, hard-to-resist gifts, with lovely, handwritten, beautifully decorated cards reading something like:

"We're never too old to be treated with kindness!  Enjoy your birthday".

  s

[Moonflower]

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