Signed protection order today

[nina]

Hey all. I've read most of the messages on this board, and they gave me the courage to stand up for myself against my N. He's the third one I've dated/become engaged to/married. I'm trying to break the habit, and remove Ns from my life. Oddly, that took out the people closest to me.

But luckily, I've been able to get a lot of support from the people that I didn't have time to get to know as well - probably because I was always spending my time with an N.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell my story a little bit. My mom was  super N. My abusive step dad was a psycho N. Most of my bosses were not particuarlly N-ish, but of course I spent the most time working for the worst of them. I became engaged to an N who left me with thousands of dollars of credit c ard debt, and to one who kicked me out and left me homeless (it's funny how hard it is to have friends when you're with an N)  - that one also took away my car. Then, after those two winners wouldn't commit, I eloped with one who couldn't afford a wedding. Or an engagement ring. Just a lot of beer.

And now the last of them will be gone as soon as the sheriff gets around to it. I feel good, but empty. What is there to do with oneself when the N's incessant needs aren't there?

I'm hanging in there, though, and it really helps to know that other people have made it as far as y'all. Thanks for posting.


 

[Anonymous]

Hi nina,
Is there any way you could get some more support?  Many women's domestic violence centers have counselors (and it's free).  Those people are experts, and they might be able to hook you up with some resources.  Maybe he never hurt you physically, but emotional abuse is violent too.

I admire your strength, insight and courage to empty your life of Ns. It does feel empty.  Because in a way, one learns to depend on their needs... Ones life is focused on meeting their needs. There is a long long healing process.  But it does happen, ever so gradually.  Then one day you wake up and you realize that life is pretty damn good. and it was all worth while. I hope that soon you will find yourself again... Find the joy in not living for someone else!

[Anonymous]

Hi Ninna:

It's a hard road you have travelled and good for you for getting your priorities in order and having the courage to start a-new!   It is not an easy thing to do.

The loss of your relationship, regardless of the fact that it was not a good one, is still a loss, and so you will probably be feeling sad, lost, confused, empty, lonely, hurt, angry etc. because of grieving that loss.

It would probably be a good idea to do as the previous poster suggested and see if you can get some extra support right now.  I hope you have someone you feel comfortable speaking with, in any case, because it does make it easier to get through things when we can talk openly with others about our feelings.   Others can sometimes help us see some choices we may not have considered.  Simply saying stuff to another person can be a big relief sometimes.

I don't have much to offer, other than my best wishes for you and for a wonderful, much happier future for you, which will come to you, once some time passes.

You said you are "trying to break the habit" (I assume you mean the N habbit) and that will take effort on your part to learn about stuff and to develop your instincts.  You can gain wisdom (which really, is just knowledge and experience) and make better choices next time (you already have some experiences, so all you really need is a bit more knowledge).

Keep hanging in there Ninna.  Good for you for reading here and reaching out!   I hope each day will get a little easier for you.

s