I Feel So Utterly Unnecessary Today. Does Anyone Have Days Like That?

[teartracks]

Hi,

Yes, I feel so unnecessary today.  I've had more than a few of these days over the last couple of months.  Do y'all have days, weeks, months like that in spite of maintaining as nearly as you can the activities of daily living, work, play, responsibilities?

tt

[Izzy_*now*]

Hi tt,

There was a point, and I don't remember the catalyst, that I felt that I was just taking up space.

That's gone now and I do what I do, want to do and otherwise, and don't feel that way anymore.

I have no battles to fight, no lingering resentments or anger, and take one day at a time.

The therapist wants me to go to a power chair (a small battle) and I feel not ready for one. I wrote to my daughter anbd she is on my side and says I'm "not Rick Hansen and going around the world. (I'm) just going to the Library" I told her everything I was feeling etc. and she agreed, so that is nice. Small battle will be over when I tell the therapist I will call her 'whenever the need arises'.

Somerthing in your life (today?) has made you feel this way?

Love
Izzy

[gratitude28]

((((((((((((((((((((tt))))))))))))))))))))

Just hang in there. I think we all have phases and cycles. Our bodies and minds get tired. Our hormones go off balance. We lose perspective for a while. I honestly wonder if there wasn't something in the air this week - a lot of us here struggled this week - me especially. I was in a very dark place earlier in the week, and am so relieved to have it pass.

You will be back to normal soon! I promise! Just try to enjoy something, or try to at least accomplish something, during this time. Maybe the off time is a good time to do something you hate, so that when you are yourself, it will be something you don't need to face.

More hugs ((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))

Beth

[Hopalong]

You are very very very necessary to YOU.

YOU love you.

On some level, even through fatigue or oncoming winter sadness, YOU loves you.

love to you, TT,
your friend

Hops

[teartracks]

Thanks Iz, Beth and Hops,

Thanks for the encouragement. 

I'm glad to know that even when things seem static  on the surface, they aren't and things really are happening that will move me forward.  This week though, there just is no push in me.   

Love to y'all,

tt

 

[ann3]

TT,

Sorry for the cliches, but, are you viewing yourself as a "human doing", instead of a "human being".  Nothing wrong with just being.  Maybe you're feeling depressed?

hope you feel better.

love,
ann

[teartracks]

Hi ann3,

There is certainly truth in what you're saying.   It's odd for me to know in my head what is going on, but having my heart and mind so inert.  I don't like it.  Thank you for reminding me that I am a human and that I should be doing life, not letting it do me.

Love,

tt 

[ann3]

Thank you for reminding me that I am a human and that I should be doing life, not letting it do me.

Right on.  Try to steal some enjoyment & pleasure in between the doldrums.  Bless & celebrate you "being", take some focus off "doing".

love,
ann

[Overcomer]

I don't feel that way much because I still have children.  I am VERY necessary.  Maybe when they are grown I will feel more that way except we have five pets so we are very necessary......

Try having kids and pets and you will always feel necessary.....maybe too necessary..........................sometimes I just need a break...

[teartracks]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for walking with me in my funk.  I don't know when it will pass.  I just know it will.  I must remember to be grateful for what is and let what isn't find its own way out of my life.

Love to all,

tt

[Sela]

Hiya tt.

Hope you're feeling better, I really do.

In my stumbling about the net, I found this interesting blurb about basic emotional needs from:

http://www.uncommon-knowledge.co.uk/emotional_wellbeing/steps.html

I thought of you and wondered if maybe a basic need or more might need meeting?
I need to refer to this myself, when I get feeling slumpish.

"Problems due to missing 'basics' in peoples lives tend to develop over time, and so can be easily missed. Then, when the problem arises - be it anxiety, depression, addiction or some other nasty - they can't for the life of them fathom out why!

It's therefore a great idea to know what your own garden needs in order to grow well, so when you see something starting to wither, you can check your list and apply the necessary nutrients.
So here's the list. (At least, our list. If you think we've missed any, do let us know!)

1. The need to give and receive attention.

"No Man Is An Island"
Without regular quality contact with other people, mental condition, emotional state and behaviour can suffer quite drastically. This is often particularly obvious in elderly people who have become isolated. After days alone, their first contact may be their GP, who sees them for 10 minutes.

They are highly likely during this short period to appear 'strange' as their thwarted need for attention asserts itself in an outpouring of communication. If the GP takes this as representative of the patient's general mental condition, they may prescribe drugs, where really a few hours of being listened to would suffice.

You may also have noticed this in evening-class attendees who command the teacher's attention all the time, asking seemingly daft questions and not really listening to the answers!

2. Taking heed of the mind body connection.

This is so important, and so often neglected. Without correct and regular nutrition, sleep and exercise, your psychological state can suffer considerably. It is often seen that young people, on leaving home and the structure that provides, succumb to one mental illness or another. Their mealtimes, sleep patterns and other regular habits become disrupted, with predictable consequences.

It seems that people are increasingly treating themselves as machines!

3. The need for purpose, goals and meaning.

"The devil will make work for idle hands to do."

Perhaps the overriding element that sets human beings apart from other animals is the ability to identify, analyse and solve problems. This is what enabled us to develop to where we have.

If this ability is under-used, the imagination can start to create problems of its own - perhaps in an attempt to give you something to do because it is not occupied doing anything else.

Regardless, if a person is deprived of the outward focus and satisfaction created by achieving goals, mental illness is often close behind.

The need for meaning is perhaps even more profound. Viktor Frankl's book 'Man's Search for Meaning' documents the impact of lack of meaning on concentration camp prisoners, of which he was one. He says in it that "What is the meaning of life?" is a question that is asked of you, not one that you yourself ask. It is a hugely powerful and important read when considering mental health.

4. A sense of community and making a contribution.

Tying in with the need for meaning, this basic need provides a context for a person. It gives them a reason for being, over and above their own personal needs, that has been shown to benefit the immune system, mental health and happiness.

One obvious fulfiller of this need is religion, but can also be an idea shared with others, a club, charity or community work. In fact, anything that takes the focus off the self.

5. The need for challenge and creativity .

Learning something new, expanding horizons, improving on existing skills all provide a sensation of progress and achievement. Without this, a person can feel worthless, or that there is no real reason for their being.

6. The need for intimacy .

Tying in with the need for attention, it seems that people have a need to share their ideas, hopes and dreams with others close to them. For some, this can be as simple a talking to a loved pet, but for most of us, it requires that we have at least one individual with whom we can converse 'on the same level'.

7. The need to feel a sense of control.

"All your eggs in one basket."

The results of total loss of control over your surroundings, relationships or body are not hard to imagine, and have been well documented.

From survivors of torture, to someone losing their job, those who are able to maintain a sense of control somewhere in their life fare the best. This is why having a variety of interests and activities is so important.

8. The need for a sense of status.

It’s important to feel important. And we all know some people for whom this need is too important! However, if someone feels recognised for being a grandmother or parent or good son or daughter, this may be enough. Young people finding their feet can have improved self-esteem if they feel they have attained a position of trust and recognition.

Young boys in Birmingham, UK who were at risk of exclusion because of behavioural problems were trained as mentors and paid for helping younger kids who were also at risk of exclusion. Not only did the mentors’ own behaviour improve, they also reported greater levels of happiness, contentment and self-esteem. Much disruptive, problematic behaviour may be a misapplied attempt to meet this need for recognition.

9. The need for a sense safety and security.

We need to feel our environment is basically secure and reasonably predictable. Financial security, physical safety and health, and the fulfilment of other basic needs all contribute to the completion of this need. As with all of the following needs we can take it too far and become obsessive about it - you will see this sometimes if the need for creativity is not met.


Many Needs, One Life

It may seem that a life that meets all of these needs would be intolerably busy. But of course, one activity can meet many needs. Charity work for example, could be said to fulfil 1, 3, 4 and 5, and could contribute to 6 and 7.

Walking with a friend as a pastime might go towards 1, 2, 3, 5 and 6.

Generally, what this suggests, and what has been borne out by recent research, is that a more complex life is a more healthy one.

Then if one area of life fails or is taken away from you, your basic needs are maintained, at least in part, by those that survive.

So the message is...

If your progress through life has gone a bit awry for you or a friend, check if there is petrol in the car, and that the battery is charged before going to a mechanic to have the engine taken apart!"



Thinking of you (((hug)))

Sela

[teartracks]

Dear Sela,

Slumpish!  That was definitely me a week ago.  I'm not past whatever 'it' is, but things are better.

Thank you for bringing my attention to this article.  Just with a skim read, it has my attention and I intend to go over  each 'need' and  'heed' mentioned in it.  I'm going to examine each one to see how I'm sitting with it in the here and now.  There are definitely some missing basics in my life now.  Some I've been aware of.  Some I've recognized as necessary for a season.  I knew with time, I'd be in a more comfortable place, a normal place.  But the ones that I've denied or been unaware of that have developed over time are quite likely a huge part of why I've been  feeling so  'unnecessary'.  I like the way the article is laid out.  I can examine the 1, 2, 3's in light of the writer's insight and if I'm half the woman I think I am, I'll be honest!

Sela, thank you.  Thank you for making room in your thoughts and bringing this to me.

tt