Greetings All! Happy Holidays to everyone....I'm sure many of us are struggling through this "family-oriented" time we call the Holidays. As the Big Day gets closer, it becomes more a challenge to keep all those emotions and memories in check.
To add insult to injury, today happens to be my birthday. Looking back on this day so far, I would have to say, with a note of irony, that it has been a Narcissist's dream. I worked all weekend and until the wee hours of the morning this past week preparing for a presentation that my N boss, by all rights, should have done herself as it was her project. I sent it to her at 2 in the morning on Friday because she insisted she have it so that she could attend two Christmas parties in a carefree manner. On arriving at work today, I immediately had to attend a meeting with her at which point she complained about every little thing. Today also happened to be our office Christmas party. The deal was that employees were to attend an offsite luncheon, drink, eat, be merry and then leave early for the day. I was very much looking forward to that part. Well, you can guess what happened. While everyone else was enjoying themselves, she forced me to return to the office where I would log yet more hours on her presentation...before heading home late. I was the only one in the office.
In what could only be a "forced" acknowledgement of my birthday, my Nmom proved herself as well. I actually found her actions odd. Along with a small gift, she presented (I do mean "present" as she makes a big deal of it all) with a birthday card. The card was oddly sentimental.....talking about how a daughter grows up to be a wonderful woman, etc....and how much she was and is loved...in this card, my mom UNDERLINES these last words. She, of course, wanted me to make a big deal of the sentimental card....She went on and on about how much time she spent picking it out. Now my mom has always made no bones about the fact that she thinks greeting cards are a waste of time and money. My Nmom is the least sentimental person I've ever known. I found the whole escapade disgusting....and so typical of an N. Of course, it was still all about her. Even my so-called "healthy" brother pulled an N act. He stopped by for a few minutes but talked the entire time to my Nmom about anything and everything. I was sitting there...as always invisible....even on my birthday.
So, double dose of Narcissists this birthday.....Ugh....non-stop chatter about everything about them. It seems I am surrounded. I worked non-stop this past weekend but decided that this coming weekend I will plan an activity jsut for me. I will go off and do some windowshopping or Christmas light scouting....buy myself a steaming hot chocolate and try to sweep the narcissists from my life for just a moment. Even though times are so tough for so many now, it is still such a family-oriented time....it feels sad to me. I do a lot for others at the holiday.....but it is taken for granted. I have, though, recognized the similar threads that run through all narcissists--whether they be your mother or boss or boyfriend. I don't know if they are attracted to me for some reason...or if it's just bad luck, but narcissists seem to abound these days. And selfishness, that special breed of N selfishness and holidays just don't mix.
So, alas, this was just a checking in....I know many of you others struggle now too. I am glad I have this board and those who have been so generous to me throughout the year to listen and support and not judge. So thank you everyone....These feelings sometimes are overwhelming and it helps to have some cyber pals who understand.
Hope you are finding a piece of joy and happiness in your December days......Have a cup of hot cocoa on me!
Sunblue
