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Author Topic: Mom's gone  (Read 5822 times)

Hopalong

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Mom's gone
« on: March 29, 2009, 08:49:46 AM »
My mother died in her sleep, peacefully, a few days ago.

It was time, her body was just done. I had peaceful, loving time with her, and my daughter did even more, sitting with her for hours.

The dreck remains to be waded through but I feel I saw her through to a safe and peaceful end as best I could.

I am going to try to rebuild my health and take my life back.

love,
Hops
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Overcomer

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Re: Mom's gone
« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2009, 10:39:39 AM »
Oh Hops :(....I feel like I have lived through this for a long time with you.  Are you ok??  Is there a sense of relief??  Wow.  Sometimes I wonder what life will be like when this happens to me.  I am sure you are sad.  I guess you will have to go through the steps of grieving.....if we can be there for you just vent and talk.  We will listen..

Love to you Kelly
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Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

teartracks

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Re: Mom's gone
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2009, 02:36:00 PM »




((((((((((((((((((((Dearest Hops)))))))))))))))))))))))

Love,

tt
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Hopalong

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Re: Mom's gone
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2009, 04:25:35 PM »
(((((((OC))))))  ((((((TT))))))

Thanks, guys. Strangely, I don't feel very sad at all.
We had ZERO unfinished business, and I guess that's the silver lining of the decade.

I am relieved and tired.
Memorial service is tomorrow, no idea if my brother will be there.

But I did everything smoothly and as soon as the service is over,
I think I'll finally feel I can begin my own life again.

I'm really not sad. I got to know narcissism so very very well from living with her, and the last years which included the revelations about her own father, helped me forgive her. So there's no torment in me about her.

I am continuing to stand up for myself both financially and legally against my brother, going forward.
And that feels as though it doesn't have much to do with her, but with him...

Separate things. Mom and I were as okay as we could be by the end of her life.
And my life was overdevoted to her for too long. So I'm okay with her passing.

I was waiting for it, and it frees me, is the truth.

She was loved. I did a good job, so I feel okay.

I am SO glad my daughter got home to have time with her this week, that meant so much to them both.
Mom smiled her last smiles at her granddaughter, and they did love each other.

It is good.

love,
Hops
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CB123

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Re: Mom's gone
« Reply #4 on: March 29, 2009, 04:40:07 PM »
Thank you so much for letting us know, Hops.  I am thinking of you often today. 

How wonderful to have complete closure and confidence that you did what you could for her--and everything you could.  You sound so calm and at peace.

So much love to you (update us when you can on other stuff???)

CB
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When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010

gjazz

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Re: Mom's gone
« Reply #5 on: March 29, 2009, 05:28:43 PM »
I'm so sorry for your loss, Hops.  It's wonderful that you had no unfinished business, and that the end for her was peaceful.  Clearly she was blessed and lucky to have you and your daughter to comfort her last days.  Yes, stand up for yourself.  Take back your life.  Full speed ahead.
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Ami

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Re: Mom's gone
« Reply #6 on: March 29, 2009, 07:00:21 PM »
I am sorry for the loss of your M.  I am sending thoughts of comfort to you.
     Ami
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No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Lupita

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Re: Mom's gone
« Reply #7 on: March 29, 2009, 08:31:39 PM »
I have a hypothesis on why you do not feel sad.

You do not feel sad because you have peace. You know you are and you were a good daughter, and took care of her and did  the best you could and helped her so much.

Sometimes people are sad when elderly loved ones die because they have remources.

You were an excellent daughter and did everything you could for her.

You are a wonderful human being.

I am so proud of you!
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debkor

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Re: Mom's gone
« Reply #8 on: March 29, 2009, 11:51:07 PM »
Hops,

You did good, kid.  You took good care of your mother.  She was well cared for and went in peace and she was loved.  How wonderfull for you to have complete closure (as CB said).


Quote
I am SO glad my daughter got home to have time with her this week, that meant so much to them both.
Mom smiled her last smiles at her granddaughter, and they did love each other.

I
Quote
had peaceful, loving time with her, and my daughter did even more, sitting with her for hours

Final Gifts...

May you all be at peace...

(((Hops and D)))

Love
Deb


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sKePTiKal

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Re: Mom's gone
« Reply #9 on: March 30, 2009, 06:56:52 AM »
Ah Hops...
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hops))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

When you've rested & tended to your needs, taking all the time it takes, is soon enough. For anything.

Thinking of you on this Monday.

(ps... I still haven't found time to wrap up my delivery for you... and I feel like a total slug... but I haven't forgotten.)
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Overcomer

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Re: Mom's gone
« Reply #10 on: March 30, 2009, 09:30:21 AM »
Hops:  In a way, I am jealous of you.  You are free.  Sometimes I think the only thing that will truly release me from her is her passing.  Not that I wish that becuause she is young, but she is always there.  I have freed myself from her for the most part but..............

wishing you strength through the service and then peace with your bro...
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Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

lighter

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Re: Mom's gone
« Reply #11 on: March 30, 2009, 02:01:55 PM »
((((Hops and dd)))

I hope you get to say your final goodbyes to you Mother without further distress from brother.

You're an amazing human being and I'm so glad you've found peace through all this.

Thanks for posting an update.  I was just thinking about you.



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Sela

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Re: Mom's gone
« Reply #12 on: March 31, 2009, 12:44:12 AM »
Dear (((((((((((Hops))))))))))),

I'm glad your mother's suffering is over and that you have made peace with her and especially.....this:

Quote
I did a good job

You did Hops.  Very much so.

And as usual, you sound graceful and able to show such honour, even where it may not be deserved.

Mof2 said it: 
Quote
You're an amazing human being

I so agree!

Take good care of you now Hops.

Keeping you in my prayers re interaction with your brother.

Sela
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Hopalong

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Re: Mom's gone
« Reply #13 on: April 02, 2009, 11:40:28 PM »
Wellllll.........a few days later and I'm not feeling so saintly.

The legal ramifications are sinking in.
In a nutshell, unless I get financing for $140K to buy out my evil brother ... I'm forced to sell this house at a huge loss in a terrible market and I'm out on the sidewalk. Minus a home, minus a nestegg, and REALLY:

This is how narcissists say thank you.

What's really been sinking in in recent days is not just him, but the reality of how literally she did not care about the actual consequences to me of her whims. This should not surprise me, but it is still devastating. Gee, was ten years Cinderellatude not long enough? Should it have been 20?

I know the answer. I am lucky to be alive after 10 and I should count my blessings. I have decades ahead to build a happy life, whether in this house or another.

I will not stay bitter, my setpoint is in a different place. But in the shuffle to care for her final rest, and at the same time field increasingly discouraging messages from my lawyer about my LACK of rest...the reality of my mother's legacy is sinking in.

Fortunately my D is here through the week and has been just amazing. Boy is she making up for my rotten time with her in Miami. She is helping so much I'm stunned by it. She's cleaned and sorted and decluttered and is going to sit and study while I file. She has been a champ. And that is healing we needed.

The big picture is more meaningful and life is rich and good, but money is a painful frustration right now. My D and I are frugal until our shoes wear through and it feels like swallowing seawater.

There, all whined out. I'm really going to be okay. I just can't yet see the way through.
But it will come.

Love to everyone and thank you for your loving messages.
I really want the board to live!

love
Hops
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sKePTiKal

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Re: Mom's gone
« Reply #14 on: April 03, 2009, 06:59:29 AM »
Ah ((((((((((((((((HOPS))))))))))))))))))))).

Keep on focussing on the fact that the universe knows all and will provide what you need. Your struggle and sacrifices won't go unrewarded or unnoticed and all will be well in the end. (ps - I think you're entitled to some whining!!!!)

Turning the other cheek doesn't include letting people walk all over you. Yield, but don't give up - to lead the opponent into error.
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