
Here's a radical concept -
I've invested 40 years worth of time & energy into feeling horrible - both in life choices and my experience of my life. Oh the long-suffering pain of it all! Most of it is due to believing that it's more "realistic" to see life through the lens of "the glass is half empty" than "the glass is half full". That somehow, it's smarter & wiser to focus on the negatives.... to protect myself from even more pain. That there is something inherently lacking in myself... and of course, my "need" for this, that, or something I thought I'd been denied or didn't have... justified, was a rational reason, for believing that there was something wrong with me... and that I somehow deserved my lot in life.
UH.... that's totally wrong, you know?
Lately, I've been able to simply decide to feel good. To be grateful for people, things, times that I've learned something... even - GASP!! - grateful and happy for the abusive experiences I've lived through. It's taught me the real lesson of empathy and caring. Buddhist compassion.
:: MY GOD, the woman's really gone mad now, hasn't she? ::

I'm happy not everything's been easy. I'm happy that I've been hurt - because I'm happy too, to have gotten over it. I'm happy that life isn't perfect, that people are rude sometimes, that I have to draw boundaries with people who don't respect them anyway... and happy that sometimes I have to fight for what I want.
I'm happy to be alive. I'm happy for the sorrows that brought me to this place and getting to know such fine, caring people. I'm happy that life WORKS. And I'm happy that next Wednesday, April 15, is my last day of work at the university. I'm happy to finally be able to work at home doing the things I enjoy... until it's time time to move to a new house at the Outer Banks. I'm happy to know that I can let that go - and I'll be just fine.
I'm so happy that my old way of being - my old way of being myself - was wrong. I can just let that go...
and go play... and make new "rules".