and now for something COMPLETELY different!

[sKePTiKal]

 

Here's a radical concept -

I've invested 40 years worth of time & energy into feeling horrible - both in life choices and my experience of my life. Oh the long-suffering pain of it all! Most of it is due to believing that it's more "realistic" to see life through the lens of "the glass is half empty" than "the glass is half full". That somehow, it's smarter & wiser to focus on the negatives.... to protect myself from even more pain. That there is something inherently lacking in myself... and of course, my "need" for this, that, or something I thought I'd been denied or didn't have... justified, was a rational reason, for believing that there was something wrong with me... and that I somehow deserved my lot in life.

UH.... that's totally wrong, you know?

Lately, I've been able to simply decide to feel good. To be grateful for people, things, times that I've learned something... even - GASP!! - grateful and happy for the abusive experiences I've lived through. It's taught me the real lesson of empathy and caring. Buddhist compassion.

:: MY GOD, the woman's really gone mad now, hasn't she? ::   

I'm happy not everything's been easy. I'm happy that I've been hurt - because I'm happy too, to have gotten over it. I'm happy that life isn't perfect, that people are rude sometimes, that I have to draw boundaries with people who don't respect them anyway... and happy that sometimes I have to fight for what I want.

I'm happy to be alive. I'm happy for the sorrows that brought me to this place and getting to know such fine, caring people. I'm happy that life WORKS. And I'm happy that next Wednesday, April 15, is my last day of work at the university. I'm happy to finally be able to work at home doing the things I enjoy... until it's time time to move to a new house at the Outer Banks. I'm happy to know that I can let that go - and I'll be just fine.

I'm so happy that my old way of being - my old way of being myself - was wrong. I can just let that go...

and go play... and make new "rules".

[lighter]

Once again, your post gave me chills, Amber.

I agree...... you're the person you are today, bc of your history.

The good, the bad and the traumatic.

You have more compassion and empathy for others for all the suffering.....

that's a good thing ((()))

[lostkitten]

That is totally beautiful Phoenix. I can feel that certain peacefulness coming out from within you. It really is a decision to accept joy in our hearts, I'm so happy for you, that you could take that step. I wish you so much happiness in your new life.

In a way I can relate. This past month I've moved into my new home. (It's about 100 yrs old w/ broken windows). Just me & my cats. No family or friends in the city or entire state. And I plan to work from home doing what I love. And April 15 - my b-day, I'll be 59. Maybe you can feel the connection too. I'm starting my new life also.

Lately, I've been able to simply decide to feel good. To be grateful for people, things, times that I've learned something... even - GASP!! - grateful and happy for the abusive experiences I've lived through. It's taught me the real lesson of empathy and caring. Buddhist compassion.

Those words just seem to make my heart sing for you. May you be blessed in your new life.