Author Topic: Help for the Partner of a Narcisstic Man.  (Read 1951 times)

Armitage

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Help for the Partner of a Narcisstic Man.
« on: September 22, 2004, 06:28:37 AM »
I need Help.  My partner and the father of my unborn child is narcissistic.  The definition on the first page of this site is he.  He does not obviously skite about his achievements, rather he is stupidly generous with his money to show that  he is successful.  He yells to cover his lack of proficiency at anything etc. He does not hear anything that i say to him unless i do it i an aggressive and violently verbal fight.  We have those regularly at the moment.  Apart from the verbal abuse that he lashes at me when he is frustrated or worried, he is constantly critical of my other 3 children (who are exceptional children) with cheap shot comments like "don't teach him [5 yo son] bad habits. He's bad enough".  He has 9 drink driving convictions and is facing a 3 month jail term for the last of the 1st Nov 2004. He still does not see why his convictions should be a jailable offense.  He has been unfaithful to me with hookers from the first day that i met him. When i have discovered the instances (many) he says 'that it is not like i think it is' and that i'll make myself sick with it.  I get into trouble for constantly searching for evidence and not trusting him. He says that since finding out that i was pregnant that it has stopped, which i doubt.  I can't find it in myself to trust him. If i was not dependent on the income that i derive from working for him, i would not have had anything to do with him when i found out about the hookers the first time, which was when he went to jail for a week in March (he is out on bail for appeal). His attacks on my children especially my son have become more frequent and thoughtless.  He shows remorse only when i threaten to toss him out of my home.  I don't want him in my life anymore, but i need to work for him until December so that i can afford to move etc.  I do not feel anything for him anymore, just an obligation to look after his business affairs if he goes to jail in November.  How do i minimise the damage to my children? How do i minimise the damage that i know i am suffering?  How do I recover from the hurt of the infidelity so that when he is gone, i can go on with a normal life?  How do i explain to my child that his father is a prick?  How do i tell his mother that she is the cause?
AMA

Portia

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Help for the Partner of a Narcisstic Man.
« Reply #1 on: September 22, 2004, 07:47:52 AM »
Hi AMA and welcome. You’ll receive help here. I feel such an urgency in your post.

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How do i minimise the damage to my children? How do i minimise the damage that i know i am suffering? How do I recover from the hurt of the infidelity so that when he is gone, i can go on with a normal life?

Have you made a realistic plan to leave him? If so, carry it out and the rest will follow. If not, make the plan. Leaving him is the first priority I think. Do you agree? When will you know if he is going to jail or not? Will you move or will you stop him living in your home?

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How do i explain to my child that his father is a prick? How do i tell his mother that she is the cause?

I wouldn’t do either of these things, especially not the second. What would you – or anyone - gain from your telling his mother? Look after yourself and your children first - ensure that you are all physically safe before you start on the rest. P

Anonymous

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Help for the Partner of a Narcisstic Man.
« Reply #2 on: September 22, 2004, 10:30:09 AM »
Welcome Armitage,

I urge you to call a domestic abuse hotline in your area. Even if he's not violent. There is serious abuse going on here. Phone numbers for women are at the beginning pages of the telephone book. My advice right now is to prioritize your needs. First, keep safe and keep him as calm as possible no matter what - do not confront him with his narcissism; second, get outside help on dealing with this situation. I fear for your safety and that of your children. Please make the call.

keep posting.
bunny

Anonymous

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Help for the Partner of a Narcisstic Man.
« Reply #3 on: September 22, 2004, 11:14:13 AM »
Dear A,

This sounds like a dangerous situation for you and your children.  Your safety is the first priority, not changing or confronting him.  

Yes, do call people who help women in domestic abuse homes.  Work out a timeline.  Maybe you don't need to stay with him until December.  maybe they can providde other options.  I am concerned that three more months of your pregnancy will threaten him even more, even if you are meek and mild with him.  He does not like your children and men like this do NOT like babies at all.

This is too big to take on by yourself.  Do not invest in trying to change him.  If law enforcement can't do it, neither can you.  Save yourself and your kids.  Be very careful and do NOT tell him or his mother or your own children what you are doing.  

Be safe, Seeker