Hi Everyone. It's been awhile since I've been on. It's nice to see that Dr. Grossman is still here. I have a question. A quick history of life w/Ex. I was with NPD husband for 24 years - I shudder at the thought of spending so much of my life with someone who was so cruel and abusive. However, we have two sons & I had to make the best of a bad situation. For the most part - I was so busy surviving the situation, and taking good care of sons - that I had no idea why things were the way they were. I didn't know what a narcisst was - I didn't know he was one. I knew something was terribly wrong but didn't know what it was. When I did finally leave the information came forth.
"anyway" - when I first met him - he proudly told me he didn't wear deodorant. I thought the reason he said he didn't wear deodorant was because he was health-conscious and believed it was bad for him. I later realized that wasn't reason. He then started to wear deodorant. YEARS later - when he had lost his job of 20 years - he brought that same story up "I don't wear deodorant." The way he said it - it was like - it came out of the blue. It was very strange. At this time - life with him was getting harder and harder. Our sons were approx 13 and 15. Then day I came home from work, and he told my one son and I "I don't bathe." He announced it so matter of fact - he said "I don't bathe." I was flabberghasted (spelling?) I snapped at him "you better bathe!" And so he did. It's been 5 years since we divorced. Being the nurturer, and wanting my family to be all right - I kept a relationship with him. In fact - he is a much nicer person to me, and to our sons. He regretted his behavior that caused the divorce and he realizes that I am the only friend he has. My sons are 22 and 25. The younger one lives with him most of the time. This is because - "it's cooler to live with your dad than your mom", and he lives closer to my son's friends. One day when my Ex and I were visiting, and talking abour our sons - when there was this TERRIBLE smell. It almost made me feel like throwing up - it was that bad. I didn't know what it was. It occurred to me that maybe it was his shoes. I didn't comment because I am polite, and thought maybe he couldn't afford new shoes? Then one day my son said to me "DAd told me he wore the same pair of Socks for 2 weeks." I was shocked. I asked my son "Why?" My son didn't know - he was equally as appalled by the ideas as I was. Neither of us could come up with one thought as to WHY? There is no excuse for that. He washes his clothes. There is a washer and dryer in his apartment building. He is working. Any ideas? WHY would he proudly tell his son "I wore the same pair of socks for two weeks." That is what the stench was that almost made me throw up. And since that time - I KNOW he has done that again - because I smelled that smell again one day. It's horrific. And there is nothing I can say. One day I made a comment about how important it as to wear clean socks. If anyone has any idea why he would do that - pls share your thoughts. It seems to go along with the other times where he "didn't wear deodorant" and the one time where he "announced" - that he didn't bathe. It's mind boggling.