What can I do? There has to be something.
Hi...and welcome.
I'm not sure there's anything you can do directly about your sister.
But you can do whatever YOU want to do about YOU...and how YOU relate to your mother.
I can think of things, just made-up stuff (I like to write fantasy dialogues for people)--just to toss around in your head:
Mom, I am so grateful to you. You've been a wonderful woman.
You're a great person Mom.
Mom, I've learned we really can't control other people--make them different.
We can learn to say NO, though, when someone is hurtful to us...
Mom, when Sis acts _____, you know that's her choice.
You are in charge of YOU, Mom...you can't control how she behaves.
You can say NO, Mom.
You can say, don't talk to me that way, etc.
Basically, all these are about assertiveness.
I think the single most effective thing you could do to help yourself, your mother, and your family, would be to take an Assertiveness Training Workshop.
Many women's centers, counseling centers, etc., will either offer this kind of workshop or be able to advise you where to find one.
It's HUGELY more helpful to actually take the class and do the practice in a group that's learning it with you.
In the meantime, though, read all you can. Google "boundaries in relationships" and you'll find lots of good links.
It's where the issue is for you, I think.
Wishing you well,
Hops
