Kathy..... it would be nice if your relationship with your sister could be about something other than your parents and brother.
It would be nice, but I don't see it happening anytime soon. She never writes or calls for any other reason than to tell me family news. She is SO dependent on my parents, that she's emotionally at the level of a fifth grader and simply cannot function on her own. She depends on them for everything. She has never dated or had a relationship. When she wants to go to Disneyland, the movies, whatever, she takes my father.
A few years ago she met a guy at a concert and they went on a date. My parents picked on her relentlessly over it. My father called me and was joking about it, and said, "Your Mom and I can't stop laughing that your poor sister finally got some guy to take her on a date." I couldn't believe that he could say something so horrid about his own daughter. I guess I should have seen that as an early sign. Consequently, I'd be surprised if S ever goes on another date.
I honestly don't know how she'll be able to function when they're gone. I'll be the only person she has left at that point, so maybe then the relationship will change.
Ami, I think this cultural attitude of men placing sons on pedestals is an international thing. While it’s certainly worse in less developed countries, American men still have that “thing” about having a SON. Every guy I know is named after his father, or has the father's name as a middle name. My husband never got special treatment for being male, but is still named after his father. Many people on this board have said that the golden child in their family was male, and that may be based in the N's belief that a male child is capable of getting a better job, making more money, etc., so best to take care of THAT child. My NM said several times that "her boy" would grow up to be a doctor or lawyer, make lots of money, and take care of her.
It’s certainly not an excuse for bad behavior, but it probably does influence some of it. Sadly, we still have a country where women are paid less, and are just generally undervalued. I think that future generations may place a greater value on daughters, but people in our parent’s generation, not so much. They grew up in a time when a son might grow up to be president, but never a daughter, so you put all of your hopes on that son. One day that will change, I hope.
Kathy
