hi all
I came to believe that the emotional pain I/we have experienced is far worse than the physical, i.e. verbal criticisms vs., the razor strap, as in my 70 years I have experienced both. It is the physical that adds to the emotional which can be life-lasting.
Nevertheless, it is 4 months + since that car hit me and every day has been physical pain. It stops me from talking openly with people in case I am seen as a whiner, which I never have been.
Today my therapist announced that her last day is August 29, and I still cannot move my leg, and am still in pain. Now Karla is the best by far and takes her orders from Jay, who set up my exercise program, at the request of Mary Jo who is the therapist assigned by ‘the enemy’. Originally MJo sent me a trainee who appeared clueless and I pointed things out that were not right. We parted Company.
Christine has been doing my housework, cleaning, laundry, garbage, washes my hair, groceries and we get along great, as well.
I have been so lazy: eat, sleep , make my meals and am on the computer reading about USA’s conspiracies and watching Susan Boyle morning noon and night: the breath of fresh air in this world of madness.
Days and nights drift together as I sit then I lie down, then I sit, then I lie down, I doze, I awaken and don’t know if it is morning or night.
Today, when Karla announced Aug 29, I thought, “How can anyone say in advance that “her leg will move and pain will be gone in 4+ months? I will have to demand more time, or have a ½ bum leg ….more of a bummer. That will change many things in my life and I am not happy about that, so I hope my lawyer, who comes, in 2 weeks, for the 2nd update , will put on the pressure. (I am not to even be speaking to Mary Jo, who is paid by the driver’s Insurance Company. The others ‘beneath’ her, I expect, are paid by her.
I had hallucinatory nightmares in the hospital from the anesthetic, morphine and other drugs. The N was out to kill me. I still have nightmares and he is always in them. I read online that a trauma can unleash the feelings/memories of previous traumas, so N is there and my family as well. Dead parents and all. Some are so bad they are with me all day, while the lesser ones are about ½ day.
At my age, I don’t know what I am to learn from this. I really don’t!! It’s the WHY? question. After all, I had the broken back 40 years ago and isn’t that enough? I wonder if in another 40 years when I am 110, I will be ‘taken out’ by a Mack Truck. I am alone but not lonely and have plenty of time to think and mull over, but no answers. Just a fluke?
Last night (well 3:00 am) I finally swaddled my thigh in an elastic bandage, not told to by therapist, just my idea and I slept longer for 2 more sessions, as it is usually pain that awakens me. I removed the 'swaddle' for her visit today, told her, then re-swaddled to go downtown,,,,, my first after therapy, all the other downtowns were before. This time my clavicle, pained from my tensing up for the leg pain in therapy. I was so happy to be home and crawl into nightgown and bed, at 4:30 pm. My life is a bit pathetic right now., but I have asked her to attend me re my car, the laundry room and getting into the tub. I can do all, but with much pain so am not ready to be alone. I expect 8 months and that is almost Xmas.
I read the Board, but am not very much into posting…only if something strikes me right off!
But , Yes, I am still around lurking
Please don’t forget me
Love Izzy
