Author Topic: Trying to keep it together in pain…a boring update  (Read 4432 times)

Izzy_*now*

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Trying to keep it together in pain…a boring update
« on: August 09, 2009, 01:48:31 AM »
hi all

I came to believe that the emotional pain I/we have experienced is far worse than the physical, i.e. verbal criticisms vs., the razor strap, as in my 70 years I have experienced both. It is the physical that adds to the emotional which can be life-lasting.

Nevertheless, it is 4 months + since that car hit me and every day has been physical pain. It stops me from talking openly with people in case I am seen as a whiner, which I never have been.

Today my therapist announced that her last day is August 29, and I still cannot move my leg, and am still in pain. Now Karla is the best by far and takes her orders from Jay, who set up my exercise program, at the request of Mary Jo who is the therapist assigned by ‘the enemy’. Originally MJo sent me a trainee who appeared clueless and I pointed things out that were not right. We parted Company.

Christine has been doing my housework, cleaning, laundry, garbage, washes my hair, groceries and we get along great, as well.

I have been so lazy: eat, sleep , make my meals and am on the computer reading about USA’s conspiracies and watching Susan Boyle morning noon and night: the breath of fresh air in this world of madness.

Days and nights drift together as I sit then I lie down, then I sit, then I lie down, I doze, I awaken and don’t know if it is morning or night.

Today, when Karla announced Aug 29, I thought, “How can anyone say in advance that “her leg will move and pain will be gone in 4+ months? I will have to demand more time, or have a ½ bum leg ….more of a bummer. That will change many things in my life and I am not happy about that, so I hope my lawyer, who comes, in 2 weeks, for the 2nd update , will put on the pressure. (I am not to even be speaking to Mary Jo, who is paid by the driver’s Insurance Company. The others ‘beneath’ her, I expect, are paid by her.

I had hallucinatory nightmares in the hospital from the anesthetic, morphine and other drugs. The N was out to kill me. I still have nightmares and he is always in them. I read online that a trauma can unleash the feelings/memories of previous traumas, so N is there and my family as well. Dead parents and all. Some are so bad they are with me all day, while the lesser ones are about ½ day.

At my age, I don’t know what I am to learn from this. I really don’t!! It’s the WHY? question. After all, I had the broken back 40 years ago and isn’t that enough?  I wonder if in another 40 years when I am 110, I will be ‘taken out’ by a Mack Truck. I am alone but not lonely and have plenty of time to think and mull over, but no answers. Just a fluke?

Last night (well 3:00 am) I finally swaddled my thigh in an elastic bandage, not told to by therapist, just my idea and I slept longer for 2 more sessions, as it is usually pain that awakens me. I removed  the 'swaddle' for her visit today, told her, then re-swaddled to go downtown,,,,, my first after therapy, all the other downtowns were before. This time my clavicle, pained from my tensing up for the leg pain in therapy. I was so happy to be home and crawl into nightgown and bed, at  4:30 pm. My life is a bit pathetic right now., but I have asked her to attend me re my car, the laundry room and getting into the tub. I can do all, but with much pain so am not ready to be alone. I expect 8 months and that is almost Xmas.

I read the Board, but am not very much into posting…only if something strikes me right off!

But , Yes, I am still around lurking
Please don’t forget me
Love Izzy
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

lighter

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Re: Trying to keep it together in pain…a boring update
« Reply #1 on: August 09, 2009, 08:12:04 AM »
(((Izzy)))

It's good and, right for you talk about your troubles and pains here.

I promise you.....

nobody in their right mind would ever think you're a whiner.

On the contrary,

you're our deserving hero, but......

even superhero's have bad times.

I'm so sorry you're suffering, for surely you are.

Speaking out about it is necessary, right and appropriate.

I haven't prayed for you lately, but right here, right now, before church and when I get to church,

you're at the top of my list.

You're so strong Izz......

you don't have to be that strong all the time......

and it's still OK.

((((Izzy)))  I wish I could advocate for you.

MaryJo being in charge...... that seems asshat backwards, IMO.

YOU PEEP UP AND YOU PEEP UP OFTEN OR THEY'LL CONTINUE TO SHUFFLE YOU UNDER THE RUG!

You got that?

Ms. Izzy has my permission to speak often and firmly about the pain, suffering and lack of mobility she's suffered bc of the last accident and tokeep peeping up until she receives fair and just compensation and help.

::sturdy nod::

And that's how I feel about that.

Love you dear,

Mo2




Ami

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Re: Trying to keep it together in pain…a boring update
« Reply #2 on: August 09, 2009, 08:27:14 AM »
This is the place to come when you are in pain, Izzy. I am glad you are here and are posting even if it is in tough times!     Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

teartracks

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Re: Trying to keep it together in pain…a boring update
« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2009, 10:36:05 AM »



Iz,

You're not forgotten dear one. 

Like you, I'm pretty silent on the board.  I have missed reading your stories and humor lately.

You are truly unforgettable, and I mean that in the most positive way.

Love,

tt


Hopalong

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Re: Trying to keep it together in pain…a boring update
« Reply #4 on: August 09, 2009, 03:03:33 PM »
For Izzy, with so much lllllllllloooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeee

(I am so terribly sorry about the pain.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8tRTZIx298

Comfort, courage and thoughts of you often and always,

love
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

JustKathy

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Re: Trying to keep it together in pain…a boring update
« Reply #5 on: August 09, 2009, 03:38:04 PM »
nobody in their right mind would ever think you're a whiner.

Well, let me second that. I don't hear a whiner, just someone who is suffering and needs a place to vent. And this is the place.

I'm so sorry for all the pain that you're experiencing. I suffer from chronic pain myself, though nothing even close to what you're going through. One thing I know for sure, it really helps to let it out and talk about it. So please, don't feel that you're whining. Post away.

You say that you're alone, but you're not. I'm sending you a big squishy hug, whether you want one or not.  :D

Hang in there.

Kathy

Izzy_*now*

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Re: Trying to keep it together in pain…a boring update
« Reply #6 on: August 09, 2009, 09:59:48 PM »
Thank you all SO much for your kind posts,

Yes, Hops I am unforgettable as are the rest of you. We are a special bunch and I 'm sure we all know we come here for support and to support.

I am so fascinated with Susan Boyle's dream coming true. I posted above about an Aspergers sufferer, and I saw another gal about 42 who had been born with a cleft palate, and then of course, the 'hillbilly', Keviin Skinner, but I wonder if his chasing and catching 80,000 chickens was true? He sure made it sound that way.

Thanks again for your support. I'm just between movies....watched "Between" (I think was the name) "Taking Lives" and now "Death of a President".
Love
Izzy
PS Oh GREAT! A foreign language, with English sub-titles covered up by Japanese subtitles
« Last Edit: August 09, 2009, 10:07:04 PM by Izzy_*now* »
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

Hopalong

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Re: Trying to keep it together in pain…a boring update
« Reply #7 on: August 09, 2009, 11:35:24 PM »
but my dear Kevin is honest as the moon!

He said six guys caught 80,000 in one night, each man catching 8 in each grab.

What a horrible, horrible way to make a living. And he did it for years.

I'll have to catch up on Susan Boyle and what she's up to!

Send me ANY links to wonderful undiscovered singers, any time...I love these stories so much.

Jamie Pugh (on BGT) was pretty amazing too, crippled by low self-esteem but what an audition.

love,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Trying to keep it together in pain…a boring update
« Reply #8 on: August 10, 2009, 11:34:47 AM »
Not Japanese sub-titles; )

Ami

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Re: Trying to keep it together in pain…a boring update
« Reply #9 on: August 10, 2009, 11:40:13 AM »
Hops
 Paul Potts is my favorite.       Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

sKePTiKal

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Re: Trying to keep it together in pain…a boring update
« Reply #10 on: August 10, 2009, 04:54:55 PM »
Izzy... maybe I'm indulging in wishful thinking or just being a smart - A_ _ or just plain old out in left field.

Thought I'd ask anyway... does it seem to be "injury" pain or "healing pain"? There is, I think, a difference.

I have old shoulder pain from the rape... that only bothers me when I'm totally being mean to myself... or something triggers me.
« Last Edit: August 10, 2009, 04:56:51 PM by PhoenixRising »
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

lighter

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Re: Trying to keep it together in pain…a boring update
« Reply #11 on: August 10, 2009, 06:30:34 PM »
I'll say it again, Izzy.....

and you more than deserve to hear it.......

You've done an amazing job, coping, living with and overcoming.....

again and again.....

all that God's put before you.

Any one of us would be amazed to find half your strength,

half your wit,

half your enduring spirit.....

should we encounter half the hand you've been dealt.

Keep making music.....

stay the same endearing, outspoken, rational, independant, beer drinking concrete thinker.....

and keep sharing your journey, humor, thoughts, pain, opinions and all.

You're a dear friend, and a pillar of strength, to those who know you.

Honestly.....

you need to be reminded ((Izz))

Mo2



Izzy_*now*

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Re: Trying to keep it together in pain…a boring update
« Reply #12 on: August 10, 2009, 09:16:48 PM »
Thanks PR

Gad! I am so sorry about your old pain still coming back to haunt you. Do you mean it is your frame of mind that brings it back?

I think my pain, on the upper thigh from knee to groin is healing pain, and any spot that burns/pains to the touch (even a terry cloth towel on my lap will cause the surface 'burn') is a healing pain. The pain in my groin though I believe to be the original from the break and invasion of muscles etc to install the hardware.

and Mo2

Thank you, too. You know I just don't have it in me to give up. Karla said that in all her reports, she says that I am always doing my level best in therapy. She's the greatest

She suggested, and I just did, writing to my lawyer and ask him to enquire with the 2 surgeons about how much intrusion into muscles etc. and can I be expected to regain the internal rotation of my knee so it will be as before. Karla wonders, so that makes me wonder. when lying flat, with legs straight my left knee automatically flops out. I can rotate in inward but the muscle is not strong enough to hold in , but pain is involved.

I don't know how long this pain is to last!

I get frustrated, but my mind will only so far--won't allow me to go into the depths of despair----over anything!

Thanks
Love
Izzy
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

lighter

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Re: Trying to keep it together in pain…a boring update
« Reply #13 on: August 11, 2009, 09:04:22 AM »
Who the heck's advocating for you, Izz?

If all the people working with you are working for the Defendant's Insurance Company.....

who's working for you?

M02

Izzy_*now*

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Re: Trying to keep it together in pain…a boring update
« Reply #14 on: August 11, 2009, 10:30:33 AM »
My lawyer is!

He collects all the information that I cannot and compiles it.

It cannot be used until it is decided I have healed to where I was or if this is as far as I go! That is determined by the therapists to begin with, and somewhere along the line I will be evaluated by a Dr. of the enemy and one of my choosing.

It is not something that can be decided overnight, and when nothing further can be done the claim is filed and he submits all the reports, as well as the ones from me to him. He will be here next week.

Please get off the advocate kick. There isn't a Group for that. It is determined by how I was, how I ended up and all the reports on file of in-between. Surgeons, nurses, Care givers who see me weekly, and therapist 3 x weekly-

As long as the case is still open, I keep working at my therapy. If I don't it would be noted and I would be harming my claim/ myself.

My lawyer does nothing BUT Personal Injury Cases, has come head to head with ICBC and notes that they seldom go to Court. They settle, or will try. I suspect he would like to see me in Court.

How can anyone else but me, know what is going on? No book will explain it. Only I can--especially with the preexisting injury ending in partial paralysis, and no where on earth will anyone ever dig up information that I was less than independent, until this blow to the leg.

Perhaps this sounds blunt but I just got out of bed at 6"30 in pain (leg) and after therapy yesterday, pains in my clavicle area from straining to move the muscles over the pain. (second time.)

My lawyer says that no judge who hears this case will turn up his nose at my 40 years of being disabled and independent, just to be hit again, and have everyone and his brother traipsing all over my place to do what I used to do.

I cannot even wash my own hair, and I have done that weekly since I left the hospital for Rehab in the Fall of 1969.

There! I guess that was a rant!

Love
Izzy
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"