Thank you Hopalong, Seasons, and Lupita for your kind words.
Just returned from spending time with NFOO. It was very enlightening for me. First, I envisioned
myself surrounded by an invisible forcefield. None of the old tactics, gestures or ridicule can penetrate and get to me. I see myself as present, but more as an observer, as if I were peeking in through a keyhole or window. Just some "survival tactics" that I recently put into motion:
1: Practice calm facial expressions in the mirror.
2: Write down answers to typical button pushing comments.
3: Make sure I'm rested and not hungry.
4: Do something pleasant before any interactions with N.
5: Do something pleasurable after any interactions with Ns.
6: Silence can be a most effective tool.
7: Remain grounded in reality.
8: There is always the door. I can leave. Calmly!
9: Magical thinking is for children, I am an adult!
10: Their opinions do not define me or my reality.
11: I am not responsible for their behavioral issues.
12: Do not spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about any incidents or comments made.
This list might sound tiresome, but for me it has become like breathing..easy and flowing.
We don't give great thought to what our bodies do automatically, but these responses cause us live!
There was
one tight moment this weekend, but it came and went, without me disintergrating as usual. With Ns there will
always be a tight moment or two, or maybe 100! (lol!).
And no, I'm not so smart or even that well read.. I just became
truly tired of it all. As I said in a previous post, too many decades of this dance macabre has gone on. I'm getting up there, it's now or never to claim some happiness for myself.
They say that all of us have an aura about our being. I want to exhibit a clean and beautiful one. An aura that will attract and not repel people. I want a healthy 3D life! It's up to me to do the work. Ns occupy less and less of my thought life.
I identify with Helen, I absolutely love trees and nature in general. While driving across country this weekend (with FOO), I marveled at the beauty of the countryside. Farmers selling their corn, all manner of fruits and vegetables. Oh! and the horses and cows! I was so immersed in the beauty that was before me, I didn't allow myself time to be intangled in
the web.
BUT! Ns can't just leave you be... N took this opportunity ( remember I'm in their car for 12 hours!), to bring up a devastating incident that had taken place several decades ago! At first I felt like the proverbial "deer in headlights", WHATTTT! Then after a few awkward moments, I remembered the steps above, and all was well (with me anyway). So you see
I'm not there yet, but I'm trying. Years ago I would have been consumed by rage, making myself very unpleasant to be around! Nope! I won't go down that road again (I hope not).
I guess I seemed too peaceful, enjoying myself, they needed their N supply, to knock me down and snap me out of not being engrossed in them!
Hate takes alot of energy. You have to keep focus on the person or persons you feel have wronged you. Then what? Hate takes a toll on your physical and emotional health. What or where can you go with hate? Yes, plan revenge? That takes up more of our thought process. Suppose the object of your hate is deceased? Then they are still controlling and able to manipulate us from the grave.
One day, along, long time ago...I was thinking about a nasty series if incidents with NFOO...and you know what I realized??? They were all either on cruises, flying around the world, or in some exotic place ENJOYING themselves!!!!! And here I was, sitting in my house miserable!!! Now understand me, it was not their fault that I was in that state..but what
I believed about myself. I had allowed the fiery darts to penetrate my being that I was not worthy!! Hops if you're reading this, I have to agree our inner Ns damaged us. Healthy sense of self esteem was never nurtured. I unwittingly conspired in my own downfall. An example, I love horses, there is a stable not far from my home. I used to go and just sit and watch the youngsters have their riding lessons. What happened to me doing the things that I love to do? NO! I cannot allow any more time to be wasted with what will NEVER be!!
Life isn' just for Ns!!!Love and best wishes to all on board the board Indired
