My Experience With Suicide

[Ami]

I learned much too late that if s/one wants to commit suicide, reason has NO bearing on them. It doesn't matter if they have their WHOLE life ahead of them.It doesn't matter if people love them and they will leave them behind.
 Scott volunteered every Saturday morning at Habitat for Humainity. He worked in a soup kitchen. He volunteered  tutoring inner city kid s in math. He worked at an inner city  health clinic.
 In fact, he would have recieved a Bonner Scolarship which is for students who excel in service to others but he did not have the need .
 He went on 2 trips to countries whic did not have water in villages and helped to build water systems.I have pictures of him surrounded  by all the little kids.He loved this.
 If a person is thinking of suicide, they need to tell you THEIR reality.
 They need to keep talking. They need to reach out and touch another human being.
 Theories, words and your own reasoning means nothing.
 I did it all wrong so I should know.
      Ami

I am locking this b/c I don't care to debate it, if I could have that request.

[Sela]

HI Ami,

The thread isn't locked so I thought I'd post and you can lock it and I will delete this post, if you want, just let me know.

I don't want to debate with you as that seems useless but I did feel for you, seeing your post with a "zero" response and then reading it and trying to imagine what feelings you might be experiencing (which it doesn't seem like a very nice set of feelings happening for you right now, so I'm very sorry for that).

Suicide sucks, is all I can conclude about it.

One of my closest friends did it and I went through a whole slew of feelings over it......maybe some similar to yours?  I felt like I should have/could have/done something......anything......everything.......differently and it might have made a difference.  I felt extremely angry, too, with my friend, because she went and left me in this world to deal with all the "stuff" without her listening ear and kind words/supportive encouragement and I felt angry with myself for even thinking that and for obviously not having good enough listening ears or kind words and for not being supportive enough or encouraging enough to help my friend through whatever she was going through.  I'm sure I was too involved in my own "stuff" to even see how much she was struggling with her  "stuff".

I also felt so very, very, very sad and lonely for the longest time and still, to this day, over 8 years have passed and I still miss my friend so very much.  I don't think that ever goes away, does it?

Ontop of that I've felt frustrated and confused because my friend had so much going for her, so many options, so many people who cared about her, etc.  Why?  Why, why, why, why, why??????
That's all I wanna know!

But I won't know/can't know/actually....shouldn't know because then.......I would be in the same place she was and I do not want to be there, for sure!!

Anyhow, I hope I haven't made things worse here.  I just wanted to let you know that I hear your pain it just plain sucks.   I'm so sorry for your loss.  Your son sounds like a truly wonderful, loving, giving, kind, generous, hard working person (much like my friend, I might add) and it is just heart breaking to imagine him gone from your life/this world.   The only thing that helps me process it all is that I do truly believe in God and an everlasting life after this world and so I look forward to meeting my friend (and your son) some day and at that time......there will be no more pain, no more confusion and only joy to feel, hands to shake and hugs to give and receive.

(((((((Ami))))))))

Sela

If you want me to delete this post just leave a note here and the next time I'm here I'll delete it (sometimes I don't look in for awhile).

[Gaining Strength]

Ami - you deserve every bit of your strength and courage and understanding that you have found for yourself.  I am sending you support and commendation for your journey.

Sela - you make me laugh. I read that it was closed and never thought about trying.

[BonesMS]

I'm not debating.

I can IDENTIFY as I have lost friends and relatives due to suicide.  It hurts!

Bones

[Ami]

THANK YOU (((((Sela, GS and Bones))))
 You guys have loved me and helped me through my grief as have so many  Board members.
 I am gonna lock it so it does not become about me but about my having a unique perspective which  is valuable, I think.       Ami