You know, Ami, I still don't feel like an adult. When I was a child, my NM tried to keep me perpetually eight years old. If I grew up, she would lose control. So as I became older, going into high school, I was required to still behave like a child. I had to address all adults as Mr. or Mrs., Sir or Madame. NO adults were to be called by their first name, even if they were friends who asked not to be called Sir. She tried to keep me in children's clothing. She cut my hair like a little kid, with shortie bangs. If I resisted, the punishment was swift. I finally got a part time job and bought my own clothes, and would change so as not to be ridiculed at school. She kept me sheltered from current events, and would only allow me to watch "family" television programs. On Saturday mornings, she would change the channel to cartoons. The only records I was allowed to listen to were Disney soundtracks and such.
When I left home, I was physically 18, but emotionally 12. I got a good job at a radio station, and addressed all of my co-workers by their titles, not their names. I didn't know how to interact with them like peers. This hangs with me to this day. If my doctor tells me to call her by her first name, I'm horribly uncomfortable with it. I always call my veterinarian Dr. Jones, and she keeps telling me to call her Karen, but I can't. I feel weird and uncomfortable. Your childhood is the time when attitudes and behaviors are formed, and parental brainwashing is all too easy. I feel that I'm just now learning to be an adult. It took going NC to reach that point. When I still had contact with my M, she continued to chastise me for adult behavior. I needed to get away from her before I could begin the process of maturing. I only wish I had done it sooner.
