Thank you all. It seems it's best to keep my mouth shut and not tell my truth.
And what if somebody of the group WANTS to hear my story, is asking me questions about what is happening or is suffering a little bit himself/herself from the N's behavior but still is in the N's camp as well?
Dear Lucky,
It is a challenging situation. I had a similar one, very painful. I can tell you that after going though my scenario, an N counselor who had me shunned from many others as well as turned many against me in our faith community in her desire for prestige as well as just plain vindictive behavior towards me, I have had many regrets for the way that chose to handle things, or rather would lose it. I always said I would keep my cool; I prayed to maintain my dignity in the face of this N's abuse, for many months I was trapped because I was considered "nothing" in the worlds eyes as far as outward social status and achievements compared to her. She had all the right paper-work as far as degrees, being a social worker, etc., and just plain acting like an angel of a person but a ruthless manipulator and deciever when no one is looking. I was the wounded, the hurting seeking healing, therefore, everyone was very quick to believe this N person and dismiss me in the process, not even give me the time of day to try to tell my truth. It was painful as well as it went on for many months/years, just when I would let go and move on I would find out something else that she had taken from me or another person would suddenly turn on me. It was if I could not run fast enough to just get away without her somehow sneaking back into my world with some form of covert aggression.
What I regret is ever speaking out, although, for the almost first two years I never mentioned her name to anyone, or tried to even speak out about her, it would have been impossible to get anyone to believe me anyway. Then, later, I lost it on this person, I sent them at least 4 angery emails (telling her to stop or just plain getting out my frustration), over a period of many months. Then N took my anger and showed it to people, it was devestating to me and only served to work for her goals even better.
The point that I am trying to make is that when dealing with manipulators
you have to be very careful, keep a safe distance and tell your truth to someone compasionate who will understand. Gossip is just never received well unless you are an N and then you can expect that gossip is couched in the most devious ways to disguise itself as being gossip or character assassination. Best, in my opinion to always stay silent, the truth comes out in the end.
In my situation the truth is coming out but it would not have come out if I had not shared my truth, however, I still regret having to do that, I wish I could have been more silent and patient. Finally, when I realized that I had some credibility I decided to tell my truth, however ungraceful, another regret.
I like what Mo2 said:
"ps, the less emotion you express, the more likely your story will be heard. People tend to trust a level headed unemotional POV, more than an overtly emotional punitive POV, IME."
