Hi Twoapenny...
Yes, I "recovered" memories - things that I'd completely blocked from my mind. Before remembering, there were big blank spots... in what was otherwise a very detailed, even sensory input stream of time chronology and events and feelings in my memory.
I found my memories through inner child work - and often they would be tiny bits of a scene (remembered as if I was watching someone else and from being the "star" of the memory - complete with thoughts & feelings from the experience) or little nuggets of perception or a day, place or activity. Sometimes, there was more to it... sometimes not. Sometimes it was dim & foggy... and sometimes glaringly bright and in all it's terrifying detail.
The reason there is discussion about whether this is even possible is that once upon a time, not so long ago, there were some questionable therapists who would "lead" a patient into remembering things that may/may not have happened. From what you've described, it would appear that you have a good therapist... she is encouraging you to remember - ON YOUR OWN - whatever comes up, and then bring to the session and discuss. That is a very important point - for you. It means only you are deciding if there is anything important about a memory... and you are not being persuaded to believe something otherwise.
The vagueness and fuzziness of the memory itself, could be a form of self-protection. If you FEEL something foreboding, anxious, or angry when remembering that memory... there MIGHT be more memory than you are allowing yourself to "see" at the moment. If so, my advice, is to go slow... wait for the story behind the memory to come to you... don't go demanding, rushing, ripping the "secret" out of it's hiding place - that HURTS and is counterproductive. Your Ts advice to bring the memories to her, are wise and intended to help you learn to pace yourself in that kind of work... to stay SAFE, even with knowledge of the memory.
OH... and YES, what I remembered was REAL. I've spent a long time proving that to myself and un-doing the doubt that was created by my mother who told me it wasn't, at the time... that I hallucinated (did they put acid in the water at school? I don't think so...) - made it up - or dreamed it. We call that "gaslighting"... but it's like brainwashing and it's intended effect is to make you doubt your own experience - thoughts, memories & feelings - and to substitute THEIR version of "truth" instead. (see my recent FOO repetition thread for the most recent "proof"...)
On a more personal level: it's OK, sweetie. You are safe now, even though what might be lingering in those dark, unexplored corners of memory is pretty damn scary & confusing... you ARE safe now. Learn the simple breathing and body relaxation techniques to help you feel safe "in your own skin". They work and are necessary tools.
I also worried about looking for reasons to "blame" someone else... but for now, let your mind just "fill in those gaps" and tell yourself you'll decide LATER about blame, responsibility, real/not real... just let the story come to you. There is plenty of time - LATER - to work through all that... first you have to know what the story is, that's been hidden, guarded, and protected for so long. And realize, there might be layers to it...
I think you're in good hands with your T... good luck! and if you just need a hug or reassurance, all ya gotta do is ask here...
