Hubby's Birthday

[cgm1028]

NM has always fawned all over my hubby.  He has put her in her place more than once, but she doesn't get it.  Its jealousy pure and simple.  She HATES the fact that he always stands up for me and calls her on her bad behavior.  In her twisted mind she thinks that somehow one day, she'll win him over to her side.  We used to live out of state and so contact was minimal.  Now, she moved near us and contact is very low, but more than I'd like.  Moving is just not in the cards right now, but believe me I have seriously considered it.  Anyway, yesterday we celebrated hubby and son' birthdays and NM was there.  She gave my husband this card that completely insulted me.  (By the way, I didn't even get a call on my birthday - but in a way - that was a great present) On the front there was a picture of a dog in a sweater and it said:

Son-in-law, I was going to get you something nice to wear for your birthday

and then the inside showed an overflowing closet and it said:

But then I remembered you lived with my daughter so you probably don't have any closet space anyway...

She enclosed a gift card to a store he liked and signed it, "Love Mom".

[cgm1028]

Can you believe this!?!?!

She completely disgusts me.  She never fails to try to make me look bad to my kids and husband.  Fortunately they see right through her but it still is hurtful and infuriating.

I completely loathe her!

[BonesMS]

NWomb-Donor-NBioChute is a B*TCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Bones

[Dreamedeeri]

Aww ((((cgm)))). They always have to get their digs in, don't they? I could imagine telling this to someone who doesn't have an N parent and having her say that I was making too big a deal of it. But we get it.

On a related (ha) note--What is up with the snarky "humor" cards anyway? One of my NMs memes is "Our Crazy (Weird, Messed Up) Family". She likes to find cards that reference her meme. (Can we write Hallmark a collective letter telling them to knock it off with the "put down your family" cards?!?) She's the crazy one, the rest of us are fairly normal, thank goodness. If I wasn't NC, the next time she says something about "our crazy family", I'd say "Speak for yourself--and leave me out of it!"

Urgh. Anyway, cgm, this really touched a nerve with me--I'm mad at your NM too! I hope your DH had a nice birthday anyway.

[BonesMS]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((CGM1028)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Don't cha just HATE it when these NWomb-Donors either target you with snarky humor or out-and-out name-calling?!?!?!?

This would be a HUGE temptation for me if NWomb-Donor was alive today and called me "Trash", (among other names).....

"Well, NWomb-Donor, YOU WERE THE (brainless) TRASHCHUTE!  However, what YOU consider "trash", I CONSIDER TREASURE!!!!! 

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((CGM1028))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Bones

[Sealynx]

Cmg,
Those little cuts do add up don't they? My N aunt and mother are here this weekend and I feel like I'm being hit with a hail storm of tiny insults.

I cleaned all week knowing how critical they were. The minute my aunt got bored she said, "Let me help you...I'll vacuum!" I called her on it and told her I spent the week cleaning and it wasn't nice to suggest it wasn't. She of course replied..I was too "touchy".

My mother then rearranged all the aluminum canisters in my kitchen after being repeatedly told I wanted them right where they were. She said, "Well, I just thought they looked better.

I was told they had bought a new shower curtain for my guest bedroom because they didn't like the dark blue one I had last time they visited! They were "doing me a favor" why am I not grateful??

They came in on Saturday and I treated them to lunch at a restaurant they like and have in their city. Of course nothing was as good here and the "manager" didn't come by the tables (to cater to them) the way they did back home. I spent $130 on this "inferior" meal.

The next day they were chomping at the bits to go somewhere. I live in the country and that requires driving to another city. So I took them to a lovely lake and offered them lunch at a very good restaurant over-looking the lake. My mother didn't bother to read the menu and ordered a steak which was "too big" and tough according to her. The "bad food" there was another $150.

Now we are at home. I offered to take them into the city to the museum (even though it is about to pour down rain). My mother says she doesn't like museums. There is a festival there this weekend but she refuses to walk more than two blocks. I offered to them 10 movie channels and my entire collection of Blu-rays. My aunt can't stand watching anything over 30 minutes long and can't relate to anything with emotional content beyond the TV tabloid stuff. My mother decided it was now time to insists that we watch tennis....for 7 hours straight. My aunt is furious. I'm bored out of my mind and still getting dirty looks from both of them since no one is happy.

One of the things I hate the most about them is this constant denial of every solution always ending in that look of..."Well...What are you going to do about my needs??"

[Ami]

Cmg,
Those little cuts do add up don't they? My N aunt and mother are here this weekend and I feel like I'm being hit with a hail storm of tiny insults.

I cleaned all week knowing how critical they were. The minute my aunt got bored she said, "Let me help you...I'll vacuum!" I called her on it and told her I spent the week cleaning and it wasn't nice to suggest it wasn't. She of course replied..I was too "touchy".

My mother then rearranged all the aluminum canisters in my kitchen after being repeatedly told I wanted them right where they were. She said, "Well, I just thought they looked better.

I was told they had bought a new shower curtain for my guest bedroom because they didn't like the dark blue one I had last time they visited! They were "doing me a favor" why am I not grateful??

They came in on Saturday and I treated them to lunch at a restaurant they like and have in their city. Of course nothing was as good here and the "manager" didn't come by the tables (to cater to them) the way they did back home. I spent $130 on this "inferior" meal.

The next day they were chomping at the bits to go somewhere. I live in the country and that requires driving to another city. So I took them to a lovely lake and offered them lunch at a very good restaurant over-looking the lake. My mother didn't bother to read the menu and ordered a steak which was "too big" and tough according to her. The "bad food" there was another $150.

Now we are at home. I offered to take them into the city to the museum (even though it is about to pour down rain). My mother says she doesn't like museums. There is a festival there this weekend but she refuses to walk more than two blocks. I offered to them 10 movie channels and my entire collection of Blu-rays. My aunt can't stand watching anything over 30 minutes long and can't relate to anything with emotional content beyond the TV tabloid stuff. My mother decided it was now time to insists that we watch tennis....for 7 hours straight. My aunt is furious. I'm bored out of my mind and still getting dirty looks from both of them since no one is happy.

One of the things I hate the most about them is this constant denial of every solution always ending in that look of..."Well...What are you going to do about my needs??"

OH awful, (((((Sealynx))))
It is impossible to please them   .                            Ami

[cgm1028]

Thanks gals.  That's what I love about these types of boards - you all get it!

Bones - a hug back at ya 

Kathleen - I hear you about Hallmark - LOL.  Just fuels the Narc fires.

Sealynx - I am soooo sorry for you.  At least my NM left after a few hours!  "Calgon - take her away" 

Ami - you are so right!  Truer words were never spoken!

[HeartofPilgrimage]

About the tiny insults adding up ... where I come from we say its like being pecked to death by chickens.

[Lucky]

Giving that card to your husband is not funny at all!! 

[Hopalong]

Nibbled to death by ducks is the one I've heard... 

Seems to me what these little insults and criticisms do is flay people who have an enormous yearning for some sincere affection. Because sincere love, with eye contact and gentleness, was in short supply.

I mean, if most of the time, a relative was kind, and showed in their demeanor they they loved you, it wouldn't matter if they chose a stupid bday card or even "edited" your kitchen cannisters or shower curtain...right? Those might be clueless behaviors but they wouldn't HURT.

But when you're starved for love and yearning for affection...those things get really BIG and feel really BAD.

Even though one at a time, anybody could fold small duckbites into the fabric of a positive relationship, and they might be quick annoyances, but wouldn't hurt you seriously.

Hops

[BonesMS]

Cmg,
Those little cuts do add up don't they? My N aunt and mother are here this weekend and I feel like I'm being hit with a hail storm of tiny insults.

I cleaned all week knowing how critical they were. The minute my aunt got bored she said, "Let me help you...I'll vacuum!" I called her on it and told her I spent the week cleaning and it wasn't nice to suggest it wasn't. She of course replied..I was too "touchy".

My mother then rearranged all the aluminum canisters in my kitchen after being repeatedly told I wanted them right where they were. She said, "Well, I just thought they looked better.

I was told they had bought a new shower curtain for my guest bedroom because they didn't like the dark blue one I had last time they visited! They were "doing me a favor" why am I not grateful??

They came in on Saturday and I treated them to lunch at a restaurant they like and have in their city. Of course nothing was as good here and the "manager" didn't come by the tables (to cater to them) the way they did back home. I spent $130 on this "inferior" meal.

The next day they were chomping at the bits to go somewhere. I live in the country and that requires driving to another city. So I took them to a lovely lake and offered them lunch at a very good restaurant over-looking the lake. My mother didn't bother to read the menu and ordered a steak which was "too big" and tough according to her. The "bad food" there was another $150.

Now we are at home. I offered to take them into the city to the museum (even though it is about to pour down rain). My mother says she doesn't like museums. There is a festival there this weekend but she refuses to walk more than two blocks. I offered to them 10 movie channels and my entire collection of Blu-rays. My aunt can't stand watching anything over 30 minutes long and can't relate to anything with emotional content beyond the TV tabloid stuff. My mother decided it was now time to insists that we watch tennis....for 7 hours straight. My aunt is furious. I'm bored out of my mind and still getting dirty looks from both of them since no one is happy.

One of the things I hate the most about them is this constant denial of every solution always ending in that look of..."Well...What are you going to do about my needs??"

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Sealynx))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I would LOVE to be able to PUT FOOT up BOTH THEIR BEHINDS while EJECTING THEM OUT THE DOOR!!!!!!!  Geez!!!!   

Bones

[cgm1028]

Hops - your post is soooo true.  I really don't have a thin skin and can laugh at myself.  I guess it was all those years living with NM that toughened me.  Anyone else and I would have had a good laugh, but with her I know the how and the why of that particular choice.  As I mentioned previously, she is always doing something to embarrass me or make me out to be foolish in front of my friends and family.  I have 100's of examples, trust me.  Of course she acts all innocent and makes it out that I am, "too sensitive", "can't take a joke" or "I misunderstood what she meant".  As far as she's concerned, God forbid if anyone teased her!!  She would get furious and then pout like a 2 year old for days and I mean days.  And will harbor that grudge for decades.  We have relatives who are dead and gone for years and she will still bring up a stupid incident that occurred. 

I have to tell you on the surface, boy does it seem silly to rant about a stupid card, but its not the card, its the meaning behind it.

I really hate feeling this way.  It never ends with that horrid woman.

[BonesMS]

Hops - your post is soooo true.  I really don't have a thin skin and can laugh at myself.  I guess it was all those years living with NM that toughened me.  Anyone else and I would have had a good laugh, but with her I know the how and the why of that particular choice.  As I mentioned previously, she is always doing something to embarrass me or make me out to be foolish in front of my friends and family.  I have 100's of examples, trust me.  Of course she acts all innocent and makes it out that I am, "too sensitive", "can't take a joke" or "I misunderstood what she meant".  As far as she's concerned, God forbid if anyone teased her!!  She would get furious and then pout like a 2 year old for days and I mean days.  And will harbor that grudge for decades.  We have relatives who are dead and gone for years and she will still bring up a stupid incident that occurred. 

I have to tell you on the surface, boy does it seem silly to rant about a stupid card, but its not the card, its the meaning behind it.

I really hate feeling this way.  It never ends with that horrid woman.

Singing to the tune of "WAR!  UGH!  What is it Good For?"

"N's!!!!    !!!  What are they good for?!?!?!?  NOTHIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Bones

[Dreamedeeri]

Hops, I agree with cgm--you really nailed it. Now I understand better why it hurts. In a normal family a little teasing is going to be served up with a whole lot of love, but not so in our families. I can use this idea to better explain to my friends why what sounds like a little thing is really a big deal to me. When I recently had just about the most horrible encounter with my NM ever, and I was explaining to a friend all the things she did and said, my friend, who is a drug and alcohol counselor, mind you, told me that everything I was describing to her sounded pretty normal to her. Argh.

cgm--I trust you! I have 100s of examples too. And like I said above, most folks would say I'm blowing things out of proportion. And yeah, God forbid I should tease my NM! She claims that "giving each other a hard time" is how we show we care about each other, but you know she can dish it out but she can't take it!