...

[Cj]

~~~

[bunny]

Congratulations, cj. It sounds like you've had some kind of epiphany. I remember feeling very excited when I started "getting" things; the depression lifted and I was more alive. I didn't feel exposed but rather very powerful. I still feel like that, it didn't go away.

Keep it up and best wishes.

bunny

[Cj]

Hi Bunny

Thanks for your reply. And yes, a feeling of power / control (even if just a little just now, its a whole lot compaired to what I had before (wouldn't be hard)). I dunno, maybe the exposed feeling is rather the feeling of responsibility that comes with getting better, something I've maybe hid from/avoided, in how I was before. I'll get used to it.

Best

Si

Congratulations, cj. It sounds like you've had some kind of epiphany. I remember feeling very excited when I started "getting" things; the depression lifted and I was more alive. I didn't feel exposed but rather very powerful. I still feel like that, it didn't go away.

Keep it up and best wishes.

bunny

[Dawning]

I wondered if anyone else has felt quite overwhelmed when getting better. I feel exposed.

Hi Cj.  I can hear the excitement and awe in your voice.  Its like a breakthrough.  I've had some of those in the last 6 months...exposed, liberated, powerful, vulnerable, excited.  Yeah, it can get pretty overwheming at times.  I wonder if it is the feeling of the pyche breaking free.

Stay centered cos things will still happen - and they always do - that you won't immediately understand.  When I get *hit* with something that I didn't see coming these days, I keep a rather large and yet pretty thin book in my bag and place it on my head and walk for a little while.  Balance being the key.  

I was never spiritual, but I think I am now.

Nothing wrong with spirituality.  And alot of it has got to do with your commitment to yourself too to enable you to get to this point.  You sound good these days.  I'm happy for you.  

[Cj]

Hi Dawning,

Thanks for the reply.    I'm still a little unsure on the book thing, and what you mean. i do feel im getting a bit ahead of myself sometimes, when I feel really good, I'm not sure if thats what you mean. When in fact,  I have a long while to go still, probably more than I realise, but yeh at least I feel alive.

Si

[Wildflower]

Hi Cj,

I really identified with what you said in your first post here and I just wanted to say I think it makes soooo much sense.  There have been so many times when I've made break-throughs over the years and I've been overwhelmed with feeling - good and bad.  Someone once described depression as being in a gray world, and then when you start getting better, you start seeing in color again - only it's been so long since you've seen colors, they seem so much brighter than they ever did.

That's kind of how I feel when I break free of some of my chains, as you seem to have done recently.  The world is thrilling and huge and wonderful and I can hardly believe it.  And then I'm scared it'll be taken away from me.  And then I start getting really sad and have to grieve over all the time I lost not realizing the world was such a wonderful place.

So I think that whenever we make huge progress and our eyes suddenly open, there are just a ton of feelings that rush in along with it.  But at least you're feeling, and it DOES get easier.  I find that after the dust settles and I've stopped mourning the loss of something in my life, what's left is a much stronger and more empowered me.

Great work, Cj.

Wildflower

[Dawning]

Hi again Cj.  

I'm still a little unsure on the book thing, and what you mean.

I'm sorry if I was unclear.  I mean that - when I am/feel in shock over something - what seems to give me an immediate feeling of balance is to simply balance a book on my head and walk around for awhile - outside or in my flat.   (It is good for posture too and self-esteem. )  I hope that makes sense.  

I also agree completely with Wildflower's very well-written reply.

[Cj]

Hi,

Been away for a bit, sorry.

Yes, I get what you mean now Dawning .

Thanks for your reply too Wildflower.    You are spot on. The part in italics IS me right now, lol, albeit feeling very exposed, and a little (*cough*) fragile. I have so much (partly nervous) energy right now I don't know what to do with it all   . Like you say, I'm scared any minute it will be taken from me (being diagnosed with a terminal illness just round the corner etc) , after waiting so long for it (not even knowing what I was even waiting for maybe), but yet know its only really the start of getting better   .

((Hugs))  

Quote:''That's kind of how I feel when I break free of some of my chains, as you seem to have done recently. The world is thrilling and huge and wonderful and I can hardly believe it. And then I'm scared it'll be taken away from me. And then I start getting really sad and have to grieve over all the time I lost not realizing the world was such a wonderful place. ''