Ok, so I think maybe I'm turning prudish. Am I turning into my parents? Trying hard to resist harsh judgement of others, if its going to be based on my issues. I'm not talking sex in relationships. I'm talking sex for sex sake.
I recently met a girl who has had a few 'flings' in the past. Up until she told me this she was great (in my mind). She still *is* really cool in my mind. Shes a really nice girl, a bit messed up, maybe. She has had difficulty forming close relationships in general, partly, I would assume, hence the flings, I'm guessing, and tells me there was more to them than sex. To be honest I'm a bit clueless about relationships as it stands. I enjoy talking to her, even though we haven't met, and have talked quite a bit, but when this girls not around, she turns into the wicked witch of the west in my mind (or is it east?).
I mean, I'm so in denial and closed up probably, regarding my pain, that this is one of the few things that causes me to genuinly hurt...just the thought of sex in non-serious relationships. Why does it bother me so much? Why is it such an issue? Does such a cold (in my mind!) 'using' of each other by two people remind me of that kind of detached arrangment in my childhood? But I can't get to grips with it, and find it hard to comprehend the cutting off of feelings people do at times (despite the hypocrisy inherant in that statement, coming from me!).
