I have seen Satan, and he is in my heart

[Ami]

I empathize with abusers.  Because I see I am no better than them.

My fiancee/husband, whatever, is sexually abusing his daugther.  It came to be suddenly, like coming out of a fog.  I asked him to move out, he did.

This is the worst possible pain I have ever felt.  She is me and I am her and she is only 6.  I'm having a flashback to a memory of kindergarten.  I've been having it in my (now ex's) presence ever since I met him.  It came up in hyponotherapy.  I thought it was a safe memory, a good one.

This person is safe and terrifying all at once.  He is good and evil and I realized I am no better.  All the pain of my childhood is flooding back.  I want to die.

bean

Oh Bean
  This pain coming out is good.  It causes all sorts of problems--emotional and physical.
 When we realize we ARE good and evil, we can be whole. If not, we are morphed in some way and can never be good to ourselves or anyone else.
 Just exist for right now. Reach out to all who seem safe, cry.
 I understand ; you know that.
Just breathe in and breathe out for now, Sweetie.                 xxxoo  Ami

[bean j]

I'm reaching out, but to the wrong people.  I'm trying to "fix" this.  It is in God's hands, it really is.  You cannot make blind people see.

No, Katy is not safe.  Child Protective Services can't help her, I can't help her.  God, why is life this hard?  Why do people hurt others?  How can anyone survive this world when it is so unsafe, so precarious?

bean

[lighter]

You can't just leave that little girl to be abused, bean.

If she's truly being harmed, you have to try to step in and help her.

She's 6.

Has child protective services already been called, and dismissed the issue?

I'm so sorry this is happening.....

truly and deeply....

I am.

Mo2

[Ami]

I'm reaching out, but to the wrong people.  I'm trying to "fix" this.  It is in God's hands, it really is.  You cannot make blind people see.

No, Katy is not safe.  Child Protective Services can't help her, I can't help her.  God, why is life this hard?  Why do people hurt others?  How can anyone survive this world when it is so unsafe, so precarious?

bean

Love you, Bean. You are doing everything you can. You are smart. You are compassionate. You have feelings. You love. You KNOW what to do and you have done everything to the best of your ability. The other part is how hard the world is and how horrible evil is.
 Evil IS horrible. God is good ,though. You are right to reach out to Him and to people who can love you cuz there are always people sent to us who can love us.
 Trust yourself and trust God.    xxxxooo  Ami