Is it fair to say narcissistic parents treat their kids as a bf/gf/spouse?

[nolongeraslave]

I was just reading bones saying how her NM acted like her son was "divorcing him", and that reminded me of people wondering if their NM's would say that they're lesbians attracted to them.

When "normals" don't understand why my NM is domineering, I've started to say that she's like a controlling boyfriend that doesn't want his girl to leave him(so they can understand easier).  When I think about it, she does act exactly like a toxic boyfriend...She's gotten jealous of the men that I dated, b/c she didn't want them to "have me."  It's almost as if I feel like my mom expects me to be married to her or something. 

I don't know if that makes sense.

[Lucky]

I have read that N parents treat their child(ren) the way they would have wanted to have treated their parent(s) when they were small. They think that their child is their overwhelming, egocentric, unpredictable parent and now the N parents feels free to punish and dominate that parent (their child).

[Ami]

I have read that N parents treat their child(ren) the way they would have wanted to have treated their parent(s) when they were small. They think that their child is their overwhelming, egocentric, unpredictable parent and now the N parents feels free to punish and dominate that parent (their child).

This fits perfectly, Lucky. My M wanted pay back.She was very jealous of her sister so I think that played in to it. She could finally terrorize  and destroy me to get back at everyone else   .               xxoo  Ami


PS Alice Miller says that your reason is exactly what is behind N parents's hatred of us.

[Ami]

Dear NLAS
  My NM would not let me go BUT then acted as if it was my fault I was so dependent. She ridiculed me for the very thing SHE was trying to keep. Does your M do this?
           xxoo Ami

[BonesMS]

I was just reading bones saying how her NM acted like her son was "divorcing him", and that reminded me of people wondering if their NM's would say that they're lesbians attracted to them.

When "normals" don't understand why my NM is domineering, I've started to say that she's like a controlling boyfriend that doesn't want his girl to leave him(so they can understand easier).  When I think about it, she does act exactly like a toxic boyfriend...She's gotten jealous of the men that I dated, b/c she didn't want them to "have me."  It's almost as if I feel like my mom expects me to be married to her or something. 

I don't know if that makes sense.

Oh-h-h-h-h-h-h, that makes PERFECT sense!!!!!

Bones

[Sealynx]

My N is the ignoring type most of the time, but she will reach across boundary lines to attack people I have even minor issues with and create an embarrassing scene she has no place in. I think in her case it is just that hunger for negative encounters. I will say that she treated my father the same way when he was alive, not ever asking what his needs were but ready to pounce on anyone he disagreed with in order to vent her hostilities.

[bearwithme]

I have read that N parents treat their child(ren) the way they would have wanted to have treated their parent(s) when they were small. They think that their child is their overwhelming, egocentric, unpredictable parent and now the N parents feels free to punish and dominate that parent (their child).

This makes perfect sense to me.  My Nmom had horrible parents and she herself was abused by them.  NM became so controlling over my brother and me and she never let us show our hurt or sadness or even anger.  No that I think of it, she would go ballistic if we were angry about anything.  We were not allowed to "feel" nor did we have a damn good reason to "feel."  My NM punished us just to punish us.

Thank you for sharing this Lucky....so helfpul to me

Bear

[cantors.counter]

It's almost as if I feel like my mom expects me to be married to her or something. 

It makes sense to me. There was an odd, uncomfortable emotional bond between my NF and me. He was a first responder. After a call, especially the difficult ones, when he wanted to talk about it, he'd talk to me, not to my mother. In many ways it was like I was his best friend. He included me in all his hobbys, but never my mother. We were very "close", but it really was only a one way relationship. I was his constant companion. I was his clone.

[Ami]

This makes perfect sense to me.  My Nmom had horrible parents and she herself was abused by them.  NM became so controlling over my brother and me and she never let us show our hurt or sadness or even anger.  No that I think of it, she would go ballistic if we were angry about anything.  We were not allowed to "feel" nor did we have a damn good reason to "feel."  My NM punished us just to punish us.

Thank you for sharing this Lucky....so helfpul to me

Bear
[/quote]

Dear Bear
  This explains my "bad". IF I have feelings, I am bad.                                                                 xxxoo  Ami

[Lucky]

I have read that N parents treat their child(ren) the way they would have wanted to have treated their parent(s) when they were small. They think that their child is their overwhelming, egocentric, unpredictable parent and now the N parents feels free to punish and dominate that parent (their child).

This fits perfectly, Lucky. My M wanted pay back.She was very jealous of her sister so I think that played in to it. She could finally terrorize  and destroy me to get back at everyone else   .               xxoo  Ami


PS Alice Miller says that your reason is exactly what is behind N parents's hatred of us.

They don't see you for what you are but they see the projection of what they project on to you. They want to battle out what they could not fight before.

[Ami]

Lucky, you are very wise to see that.    xxxoo  Ami