Medications, anxiety, stuttering, sleepiness, dreams...what a mess

[cantors.counter]

I swear today must be Monday...

Recently I started stuttering more and my facial twitches came back, so my doc decided to modify my medications a bit. After the first adjustment, I felt much less sleepy (yay!); however, I was also :more: anxious, , leading my H to jokingly ask: which is better being less anxious or being awake? Let's see, would I rather be a bit less anxious and so exhausted I'm unable to carry on with daily life; or awake and feeling like hiding in the corner under a blanket?

So, we're now onto adjustment #2. It took until this morning before I could start the next medication -- of course, the car had to break down on the same day I needed to get scripts filled. Last night, I set a new record. H can't remember whether I woke him up 2, 3, or more times screaming. The oddest part is, that despite having nearly a half dozen nightmares involving the earth being destroyed, or people being kidnapped/captured then graphically beheaded or otherwise tortured and mutilated, they weren't nearly as disturbing as they should be. I can't watch movies that are even mildly violent or I have very disturbing nightmares. Yet, the nightmare that caused all the screaming was when I was trying to get people to listen to me and take what I was saying seriously. The dog took me seriously, though. Every time I woke up, he was right there licking me trying to comfort me.

This morning I'm pooped, :and: I feel like hiding in the corner under a blanket. And now, I need to go pick-up the car from the shop. This really is Monday, isn't it?

[Ami]

(((((Cantors.counter)))))))         xxxoo      Ami

[Hopalong]

No...Saturday's coming.

Lord, Cantor's Counter--I wish I could offer you comfort.
So many things rush through my mind:

swimming (I don't know why)
massage (anxious people need touch)
meditation (with some kindly Buddhist teacher)

amazing nutrition (Superfood?)

Any of those?

Hops

[Izzy_*now*]

Hi Cantor,
Remember me?
Ah! the screaming meamies, the tremors and tics, the stammering and stuttering, any memory lapses?

Well mine all came with morphine, codeine, anethestic, pain, constipation (6 weeks and 3 days), slept with my eyes open, saw all that was happening, but it was quiet at night in the hospital. I could see the clock and our 2 windows and I was in a house where aliens came to take our air to live, but I was a human in this house, breathing 92% of the oxygen and they were beginning to fade and had to find me and kill me. I watched as all this happened, but put my own story line to it. They had to search me down and finally one approached me and looked me straight in the eyes. I knew I was dead. I asked,. "What do I do now?" She said,"Go back to sleep." I see now that she was a nurse who caught me lying there with my eyes open and just approached, saying nothing until I did!

Oh I could write a book on those nights, and then they mixed with reality so much I didn't know one from the other, felt I was being held prisoner and would be killed so I escaped the hospital.........for REAL in just my gown and with my purse and was going home to call someone to come and get me! Police caught me and sent me backj with 2 hospital security guards. It is very unreal, but was real!

What meds are you on??
Izzy

PS. First I read "This morning I pooped...."

[cantors.counter]

Thanks so much guys. I made it through. Sorry for not replying sooner. When I post personal stuff like this, I get scared and run away. It usually takes me a few days to gather enough courage to check back. It's the same with mail messages.

Izzy, nope, no memory loss (this time). I've had the nasties from morphine before, too. In the hospital with a problem pregnancy. A VeggieTales song w/ video kept playing over and over and over. The characters took on a fluid elastic look and the same 2-3 lines kept playing over and over and over. It was unlike any other nightmare I've ever had, probably because with the morphine I couldn't just awaken and recapture a bit of reality. I was trapped. *shudder*

The doctor had me taper off Lexapro and I remember reading somewhere that it can have an effect on dreams. Next was Cymbalta. I still had very vivid and disturbing dreams, but that may very well be my body adjusting to the lack of Lexapro. Cymbalta  was the one that I felt amazingly, wonderfully well rested in the morning, but so anxious I couldn't function. Now, it's Pexeva. I've not experienced any of the disturbing dreams, but I've also been all alone which means that, I'm several orders of magnitude more relaxes and comfortable. I am, however, back to feeling exhausted in the morning and only a bit less anxious. I've made up my mind: If my choice is between being exhausted and a bit less anxious and well-rested but feeling like hiding under a blanket in the corner, I choose the latter. Anxiety stinks, but after a lifetime of always being exhausted (and anxious), not having to constantly push myself to do the simplest things is sweeter than honey.

Speaking of pooping and being pooped, I seem to have diarrhea of the fingers.