Holiday Time: Ns are Nothing to be Thankful For

[sunblue]

Happy Early Holiday Everyone:

It's that time of year.....holiday time...when those memories of what could have been, should have been come bubbling up.  I'm writing this post mostly as a vent to myself.

My Nmom does not deserve my love....my attention....my time.  My Nmom and Co-D do not matter.  Their lifetime of cruelty speaks for itself.  The fact that they choose over and over to spend holidays and all their time with the "Golden N child" is of no significance.  It is not a reflection of me...or the perceived lack in me.  My Nmom, Nsis and Co-D dad deserve each other.  It is their loss that they chose to throw away their son, daughter, and grandchild.  They will never change, will never love me..will never want to spend the holiday with me.  I deserve better than them....and should not spend one more holiday, one more moment of my life mourning their loss.  Just because my parents and siblings don't want anything to do with me, does not mean I did anything to warrant their behavior.

My parents and Nsis are sick and always will be.  They may have gotten blessings in this life, how undeserved they may be, but that is no reflection on me.

Even if it means spending Thanksgiving Day in my PJs, eating microwaved Mac and Cheese and watching old movies on TV, that will be a million times better than spending it with "family" who always regarded me as "less than, not good enough and unloveable."

 Okay...that should do it for a little while...thanks for listening...

[JudyK]

 Sunblue,
   I am with you. I'll bring the popcorn, what kind of old movies do you have? 

[Twoapenny]

Sunblue, hugs to you.  The most wonderful thing in your life is to surround yourself with people who love, support and value you.  When you don't have that in your own family it takes a long time to get it in your life and to cut the unhealthy ties and replace them with good ones.  The biggest hurdle is realising that they can't give you what you need and never will be able to.  It sounds like you've got to that big hurdle now, and for me, it got easier after that.  It's taken a long time, but I've slowly built up a group of friends around me who have replaced my family, and as I've told people some of the things that have gone on their shocked reactions have reassured me that i made the right decisions.

Hoping that you have a good holiday despite your family situation.

Twoapenny

[JustKathy]

Even if it means spending Thanksgiving Day in my PJs, eating microwaved Mac and Cheese and watching old movies on TV, that will be a million times better than spending it with "family" who always regarded me as "less than, not good enough and unloveable."

Well, I'll be right there with you in my PJs eating microwaved junk food in front of the TV. And you know what? It's going to be WONDERFUL. After years of suffering through unbearable family gatherings, I'm really glad that I finally made the decision to cut ties, and do my own thing on the holiday.

The first few years that I skipped out on my NMs Hallmark Thanksgiving celebrations, I actually felt guilty, but now I wonder why I didn't do it sooner. Thanksgiving isn't a day where we should be shoved into a corner and treated like garbage, while they give thanks for their beloved Golden Child. They can do that without me.

So lets break out the microwave popcorn, watch a crappy old movie, and give thanks that we are strong enough to choose what is best for US! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Kathy

[sunblue]

Thanks everyone.....Yes, PJs, junk food and movies has to be a better alternative that spending a day being reminded by "familY' you don't matter.

While I can't be thankful for the family I have, I can be extremely thankful for this board generously provided by Dr. G. and all those of you who provide support, understanding and empathy here.  Thanks to all of you who have tolerated my venting, my N stories and have generously responded with your thoughtful suggestions and expereinces.

Happy Turkey Day......May we all keep our N families and our related pain in perspective. 

Thank You!

Sunblue

[bearwithme]

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

I am thankful for this board & Dr. G.
I am thankful for your independent experiences.
I am thankful for your stories of survival.
I am thankful for your pain, for it's not in vain.
I am thankful for our strength.
I am thankful for our voice within our voiceless past.
I am thankful for our ability to reach out.
I am thankful for your quietness in a loud world.
I am thankful for the gifts we have inside.
I am thankful for my life.

Bear.

[Hopalong]

That was very beautiful, Bear.

I should've been on this thread, but let me say ditto.

love to every one of you, and thankfulness,

Hops

[Ales2]

Sunblue - I am right there with you - although in a slightly different way. My NM is so bad that this is the second TGiving I have spent wo/ her. In 2007, I just drove there for dinner, we argued after everyone else had left and I was so upset, I could not drive home. I had to spend the night (basically without etra clothes or makeup). I have not wanted to go back there every since. Turns out that was probably the last Thanksgiving ever at Nms house - my Brother has not been back after that night either.  He told her he had other plans (with his in-laws) and they dont invite her over for the same reason we avoid her. My NM is overbearing and selfish, expecting us to come to her, never once wondering why her children prefer to spend the holidays alone (as I do) or with their in-laws. So, my NM is a widow and sits all alone in her BIG house (the one we grew up in) all by herself. BTW - compared to what is going on in the world today and the current recession, shes had the same house since '74, and Dad had the same job since '71 up until he died in 2000. He left her with a fortune, which she has never been grateful for one day....its very sad.

Happy thanksgiving to all. I'm thankful for my health, this board, my T, my new knowledge of N, and the healing direction my life is taking,  a couple of really great friends, and a new kitten (who at the moment is really a monster with tabby stripes!)